Love over Healing
by Milady29
Summary: Gabby and Matt just got married and are ready to start to build a future together. After their honeymoon Matt starts to fall sick with something that be may never be able to get over. What will happen to the newlywed couple, and can their marriage stand the rough times ahead? Cowritten with Literally Dawsey
1. The Honeymoon

**So here is a brand new story! Written by Literally Dawsey and me. We really hope you like the first chapters of this story and you are interested in more. We really wrote this chapter together and that is what we are planning to do throughout the story. Small thing: Louie is not in this story. Gabby is back on ambulance given they have gotten married. Please leave a review with what you think at the end and please enjoy the read!**

* * *

 _ **CHAPTER 1: The Honeymoon**_

 _Matthew Casey never was man that kept his mind occupied with the topic of death._

 _But now, with what felt like one foot in the grave, he had no idea what to do - he was terrified._

 _Having seen people die in front of him multiple times: his dad, Leslie Shay, as well as so many other people they had tried to save. His job had always been dangerous and that is why it even seems more ironic he it was not the reason he was at death's door now. He could feel Gabby still holding his hand, but there was no way he found the power to open his eyes , the feeling he had deep in his chest was too intense. He had always felt that he had to live up to what people thought of him; that he was always strong and ready for whatever life threw at him. That wasn't Matt. He wasn't always strong and forward thinking, he suffered in many ways that the majority of people would never understand. However, maybe there was a time he would have to let go, a time that was right to finally relax and be the person he always wanted to be seen as..._

* * *

 **A few** **months earlier**

 _Playa del Carmen, Mexico_

After another hot night on their honeymoon, they woke up in the morning to the sun glistening in through the gap in between the pulled curtains . Even though they were on holiday, they hadn't gotten a lot of sleep, for better reasons or for not. Having the feeling that they never wanted to return to the cold streets of the city that they called home, they made good of use of their honeymoon, they wished this week would never come to a sad end.

''Good morning.'' Matt smiled at Gabby as he saw she was awake as well.

''Good morning, we need hurry if we want to make it in time for breakfast.'' she started as she pulled the duvet off of herself and started to maneuver her body forward.

Catching her hand before she had a chance to escape his grasp, Matt spoke again: ''hmm, I can lay here and go for lunch later.'' he asked as he pulled her back towards him so she was laying against his chest as they cuddled. Suddenly he started cough as she got comfortable against him. Slightly worried, Gabby turned her head so that she could see him more clearly. However, before she had a chance to speak he was already continuing his part of the conversation.

''Must be getting a cold.'' Matt sighed as he finally finished his coughing fit.

''How can you get a cold in Mexico?'' She teased him shaking of any medical idea that he was coming down with something, and replacing it with the thought that he was in need of more attention. The thought made her smile.

''Cause you crank that AC up like you are still fighting fires.'' He shook his head and she laughed, kissing him.

''That is just because you are so hot.'' She said as she got up from the bed.

''hmm, now you are just being a tease, miss Casey.'' He smiled.

''Casey - Dawson.'' She corrected him.

''Oh shut up, that means I still own 50% of you.'' He called from the bed, his flirty smile beaming at her from his side of the room.

''Well, I am not exactly your property...but you know you can always have everything of me.'' She smiled then, before disappearing in the bathroom to take a shower.

He jumped out of bed as well, nearly tripping over his own clothes they had dropped in a hurry yesterday and as she was rinsing through her hair he joined her in the shower. The fact that she had no idea what he was doing made the connection even better.

Matt came up behind and surprised her as he wrapped his arms around her waist. The song she was humming instantly stopped and we interrupted by a "What the?" before she realised what was going on and felt this passion flair inside of her - like all the other times he romantically gave her a heart attack. "You really do hover five feet off the ground don't you?" she giggled as she felt him push his chest against her back and rest his chin on her shoulder.

"Maybe you're just too busy thinking of whatever you're thinking to focus on me.." he replied slyly with a smile she couldn't see - he knew that she would react in some way.

Like he knew she would, Gabby turned round and draped her arms lazily around his neck and roller her eyes. "You really are lacking attention today aren't you!" She giggled again.

Now looking down at her Matt's eyes flashed as a smile grew on his face. "Come on you let's get out of here, we can't spend our whole honeymoon here in the room..."

They spend their day having cocktails by the pool and as it was their last night, they had dinner by the beach in one of the nice restaurants that the hotel had to offer. Hand in hand they walked back to the room and he was standing on the balcony, enjoying the view as Gabby got settled in bed.

''Come to join me?'' she called out to him.

''Yeah, yeah, just gonna get ready.'' He promised as he walked to the bathroom.

As Gabby was already in bed, he was brushing his teeth to join her in bed. Tomorrow morning they were flying back to Chicago and honestly, he wished that they could stay here forever.

After spitting out the foamy toothpaste and rinsing his mouth out with some water he grabbed a towel and suddenly felt the urge to cough again. Bringing his hand to his mouth just in time as he started to cough, loud and hard. Right now, life seemed to be a bit ironic to him. When he was out of cold Chicago and in warm Mexico, he still managed to get sick.

Walking back to the sink to wash his hand he suddenly stopped, looking at his hand. Mixed in with the stuff the coughs had brought up from his lungs, was blood. Not a lot, but the red did stand out. For a second thought of walking to the room and telling Gabby crossed his mind, but having her take a look at it honestly not the most romantic way to end their last evening there than to have his newlywed wife looking at his hand full of spit and disgustingness. ''It was probably nothing'' he told himself to depress the backlight of worry. He had been coughing all day, maybe his lungs and throat just were a bit rough by now. He put his hand under the running water and washed his hands, getting done in the bathroom and walking out to the bedroom then.

''Everything okay?'' She asked as she heard him coughing again as he exited the bathroom and stepped into the bedroom.

''Yeah, yeah. I am fine.'' He lied, kissing her on her cheek, worried she was going to get sick as well otherwise.

''Goodnight.'' She told him as she laid close to him, holding him tight as they fell asleep, sad to leave their honeymoon but also excited to go back to work and 51 after this and tell them about everything they had experienced and seen.

They had met at the firehouse many years ago, and now they were going there as a married couple.

* * *

 **So there it was! The first chapter of our new story with Casey returning to his famous spot in the Lieutenant's seat on 81 and Gabby at the helm of her Ambo! We really hope you like the new story so far and you are looking forward to the next chapter. Please do leave a review with what you think and hopefully till next chapter!**


	2. Back on Shift

**Thanks so much for all the response on the first chapter. We hope you enjoy this chapter as well, please do leave a review with what you think at the end!**

 **Chapter 2: Back on Shift**

The rain was beating down on the windshield as they drove down the not so busy streets of the city they called home. They'd been back about a week and they were both already missing the sun and sand of Mexico - thing is as the saying goes, all good things had to come to an end. As Matt expertly maneuvered his truck up against the curb like he had done for many years, the thought of getting out into the heavy downpour just didn't appeal. Turning to face Gabby, who was looking out the window at the now stationary scenery, he put his hand on her leg and she looked round and gave a light but meaningful smile. "Everything okay?" he asked as he returned the smile.

"Mmhmm," she replied straight after. "That rain is not the most appealing thing to see after spending three weeks in Mexico." she laughed as she leaned forward and planted her lips on his. She held there for a second before pulling away.

"Yep." He answered quietly, his gaze no longer at her but distantly out the windshield.

Sliding her hand up the side of his face, Gabby managed to make him look at her. "What's going on with you today sweetie, you seem different since we got back.."

He gave her a smile that he hoped would go some way towards making her believe that he was okay but she knew him too well, Gabby would never see straight through him like that. "It's just the fact that the weather isn't giving me that much encouragement," he chuckled, which made her smile. "Just the thought of being back at work i guess."

"Matt, you're the strangest person i have ever met," she paused and waited for a smile from him. "but i love you so just remember that if you ever need to talk i'm the person you can turn to first, okay?" Gabby leaned forward and kissed him on his forehead; as she pulled away she saw his cheeks flair to the most adorable shade of pink.

"I love you too." he replied as he copied her as he watched his wife pull up her hood over her perfectly tied up hair, and zip up the front before she turned to him, smiled and used her shoulder to barge the door open.

Running round the back of the truck to try and catch up with her, Matt pressed the button and watched the lights flash to signal that the truck was locked before he caught up to Gabby and they jogged hand in hand, to get out of the every growing heavier rain, to the firehouse. Three days ago they had returned from from their honeymoon and today they had their first shift again.

He had started to feel better the last few days. Even though he had thought it was a cold, it seemed to have passed. The only thing that remained was a bit of a sore feeling in his chest. But with the weather outside, both him and Gabby wished that they were back on their honeymoon in the nice sunny weather. However, this was Chicago and nice weather was definitely a rarity.

The firehouse was a beacon of comfort as they walked in the doors. It was nice to see the rigs all parked up untouched because of the infancy of the current shift. The day was just beginning and it was a familiar start, this shift was gunna be a good one no matter how crap Matt felt about being back in the cold. Today his outlook on life was going to be positive and he knew this instantly as he walked through the common room doors, his hand still in Gabby's, the whole team standing up to greet them. As predicted, Herrmann was the first to call their name but however Severide was the first one to kiss Gabby on the cheek and pull Matt into a very tight bro hug.

Leading him away from the commotion that surrounded them Kelly smiled an innocent smile as he looked his best friend up and down. "Look at you Mr Brown." He laughed as Matt looked at him a bit confused. "I'm talking about your tan! I never thought that you'd look so exotic!"

Finally catching onto Kelly's train of thought Matt laughed along. " Yeah, maybe it's those Australian roots i have…" Matt giggled as he tried to turn away from him and head for the rest of the team but Kelly caught his arm.

"Since when have you had Australian roots?! I never knew about this - Matthew Casey you tell me about this right now!" Kelly started to rant as he watched Matt try and hold back his laughter.

Finally able to escape from Kelly's grasp, Matt moved away and finally, as he was walking over to Gabby and the rest of the swarm of firefighters and paramedics, he looked over his shoulder and said: "The reason that you never knew about the Australian roots is because they never existed." as he tried to contain his laughter.

Suddenly, before Casey had a chance to begin the welcome back interrogation from his firehouse family, the klaxon called out: "Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61, Battalion 25 - house fire - 24th and West Quincey."

The team all turned on their heels and began their fast jog towards the trucks. Sitting back in his oh-so-familiar lieutenant's seat at the helm of 81, Matt felt this overwhelming feeling that he was finally home. Although three days had been enough for him to transition back into the everyday life of a civil servant - now, here in his truck, he knew that he was in the right place.

A few minutes later the truck was being expertly slowed down and pulled to a stop by Otis, who Matt had strangely missed. "Good to be back Lieutenant?" He asked before jumping out of the cab and heading round to the already huddling group of truck firefighters.

Not missing a beat, Casey continued to stride across the lawn of the burning house hollering orders over the raw of the fire. "Herrmann, Kidd i want you up on the second floor. Otis, Mouch you're with me taking the basement. Old houses like this are notorious for having one way in and out rooms."

"Capp, Tony take the first floor and i'll assist truck on the second floor." He turned and nodded to Casey to signal that they were ready to go, Casy looked back and nodded in reply. "Come on men, we have a fire to fight."

The call was extremely exhausting. The fact that it was his first day back on the job was the reason he blamed for the fatigue he was feeling. However, then the thought crossed his mind that it may have been the wheezing and the tightness he had felt across his chest since he came sprinting out of the fire before it flashed over. He stopped dead on the path he was walking towards his office and put his hand on one of the pads of his chest. Casey was desperately trying to keep his nerve down because he knew that his luck would lead him to walking into either Gabby or Kelly and he would end up digging himself into a deeper hole than he knew how to get out of. Now coming back around to his surrounding as he transitioned his brain to realise his current reality. Hurrying into his office and throwing himself down on the bed, he let his mind wander back to the unlimited resort food and cocktails. He then realised that they were probably catching up with him now and getting back to work would probably take a bit to get used to again after two weeks of nothing.

There was a sudden knock on the office door and he sat bolt-upright to try and hide that he was feeling a little off, thankfully it was Gabby that was standing in the doorway when he opened his eyes.

''It was good what you did the call.'' She started with a smile as looked over at him. His legs crossed and his arms folded behind his head. He looked like he was trying to remake the position he had upheld for the majority of their time away.

Opening one eye and cracking another smile he replied: ''Yeah, glad we could save the family, but you know - all in a day's work i guess.''

''Did you want to sleep?'' She asked completely ignoring what he had answered with and emphasised her confused look as she tried to think of a reason as to why he would possibly try and sleep on shift. He usually slept a few hours when he got home but even then that was rare.

''Well for one - it's one am," he sair with a humor filled smirk "and secondly, we just had a call, so I am just going to nap, but If you're that worried about me getting eaten by the aliens that live in these parts you're more than welcome to come and lay with me." Matt explained trying to hide his laughter and keep a straight face.

''Alright.'' Gabby said then as she maneuvered her way across the room and settled next to him on the bed. It was unusual that they would spend time together in such a way but it was nice to ease each other back into the ways of the job. Rolling her over and placing her hand on his chest, she rolled forward and kissed him on his forehead. He winced a little; she questioned why but soon the thought had disappeared from her head and she was now focused on the feeling of his muscled arm that was acting as a pillow for her head.

He waited till Gabby's eyes had fluttered shut before he rubbed his hand over the middle of his chest, a soft throbbing pain still there and the stiffness of his ribs still causing him discomfort. His brain raced over all of the different reasons why he could be feeling such a strange pain and the only one he could come to was that he had pulled a muscle on the call; but deep down he knew there was something more sinister.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, please let us know what you thought and till next chapter!x**


	3. Chocolates and worries

**Thanks so much for all the response on the two chapters. We hope you enjoy this chapter as well, please do leave a review with what you think at the end!**

* * *

 **A few days later**

* * *

Breathing had now become the most fun thing he most definitely had to do - his brain thinking sarcastic thoughts was a sign that his spirits were low - he needed a pick-me-up and soon.

Getting in the shower and feeling the warm water spill over his slightly chilled body was one of the nice things about getting up early in the morning. He had decided that not bringing Gabby into the loop about his chest pains was probably for the best - after all she seemed like she was in such a good mood since they came back from their honeymoon. Besides, he knew that it wasn't worth worrying her about something he knew would turn out to be as much as a cold or a pulled muscle.

After the shower, Matt grabbed a towel and wrapped it around himself before stepping out and standing in front of the mirror. He looked his tired eyes and stubbly chin and cheeks before asking himself how he had let himself so far out of his natural routine - _surely taking time off work hasn't screwed up my brain that much?_ He asked himself as he reached for his razor. Holding it under the water and watching it run over the blades he thought about how he hadn't had a decent night sleep in more night then he could remember. His mind was constantly racing; thinking about work, the happy thought of Gabby, as well as thing now annoying pain he had whenever he took a breath - after all it wasn't as if he could stop breathing.

Now finishing foaming the area he was going to shave, he dragged the razor up over his chin until he reached the bottom of his lip. Concentrating more on the fact his hand was shaking, he suddenly felt a sharp prick and as he pulled away the razor blade he saw a thin droplet of blood form and begin to slide down to his chin. Giving an annoyed huff he rolled his eyes and used his finger to wipe it away and sucked on his finger to get rid of the blood - the all too familiar taste of blood coating all of his tastebuds making him shiver.

Finishing his shave, Matt grabbed his clothes that he had already laid out and brought them back into the bathroom so he was sure that Gabby wouldn't be woken up. He had it all planned, if he got to his doctor's appointment with no trouble he would be able to get her flowers and chocolate and really make her day. As he ran his plan though his head he couldn't help but let an uncontrollable smile slide onto his face. First of all he would leave a vague note about why he had left her to go to work on her own; then, he would go to the doctors and get her surprise chocolates; make sure that he was at work before her so he could post yet another note on her locker explaining in more vague words that he needed to meet him in his office at a certain time where he would explain everything properly. It seemed like a nice thing to do and he knew that she would appreciate it.

Sliding on a pair of his work pants, Matt turned towards the mirror as he pulled on his nicely ironed Lieutenant's shirt and tucked it into his pants before glancing at his watch. He had plenty of time to get to the doctors and to the firehouse before Gabby. Grabbing his already packed bag that was neatly placed at the bottom of the stairs, he walked out the door putting on his fleece to shield his skin from the coolness of the air and headed for the car.

The doctors surgery was silent as he walked into the nicely decorated waiting room and strode towards the desk. "Hi i'm Matt Casey - i'm here to see Dr Brockman?" Matt spoke quietly, influenced by his silent surroundings.

The woman behind smiled as she pushed her glasses up her nose and nodded before turning to her computer and tapping the keyboard a few times. "Good morning Mr Casey - Dr Brockman is in room 13b," she stood up and used her hand to keep her up as she leaned forward so she could point the way. "Right down the corridor and follow it as it goes round to the left."

"Thank you." Matt replied with a shy smile and began on his way down the white corridor.

As he stepped into the exam room, Dr Brockman turned around in his chair and lowered his glasses from the bridge of his nose until they were hanging around his neck on the cord of back string. "Ahh, Mr Casey, glad that you could make it. Take a seat." He said as he gestured for him to take a seat. "So what seems to be the problem."

"Well," he started nervously "i've been having these pains whenever i take a breath. For my job it's kind of causing me problems." Matt explained as he fiddled with his fingers.

"Right, i see." Brockman carried on as he stood up and walked over to him. "I'm just going to put my stethoscope on your back so i can hear how your lungs sound. No need to remove your shirt, i know that it isn't the warmest in here." They both laughed, Matt's definitely more of an uncomfortable laugh. "So what do you do for a living?" He asked trying to start a conversation.

"I'm a firefighter." Matt replied, his back twitching as the cold metal of the stethoscope was pressed against his back.

"A firefighter," Dr Brockman fell silent. "Can you cough please?" he asked sharply and Matt instantly reacted to the comman. A chesty, almost rattly cough coming from Matt's mouth - he winced at the pain that came immediately after.

Watching his doctor return to his chair and type in something to a document on his computer he waited quietly for Brockman to give a diagnosis. Spinning round so he was facing Casey again, Brockman continued: "I won't run the test another time because i can obviously see that you're in pain. However, i have come to the conclusion that you are just suffering from a mild chest infection." As Matt tried to speak up about the blood, he was cut off by the conclusion to the doctor's diagnosis. "I believe the pain may just be from the coughing or you may even have pulled a muscle on a job without knowing - i'm going to prescribe you a course of paracetamol for the pain but i don't see that you will need to be on them for that long."

Standing up and shaking his hand, Matt felt the pit in his stomach open up because of the fact he knew there was something he needed to ask but didn't have the nerve. "Thank you." he said in a quiet voice before exiting the room and heading back down the white hallway.

He felt a bit unsure as it still felt like what the doctor had said was wrong but he also felt relieved now.

He drove by the supermarket on the way in, getting Gabby her favourite chocolate as he was putting the note in her locker as well as the chocolate in the drawer of his desk.

He took some paracetamol as the doctor had told him and settled to get caught up on some reports he still wanted to read from when they had been on their honeymoon, forgetting about the time. After a while some others had come in to say good morning, but it was another while before there was a knock on the door and Gabby was leaning in the doorway.

''Found this note in my locker.'' Gabby said, leaning in the doorway holding a folded piece of paper between her fingers, Matt's sketchy handwriting filling the gaps if the inside.

Standing up from his chair he looked at her like she was the only thing left on Earth and let a beaming smile cover his face. ''Good, i'm glad you followed my notes and found it." He looked away from her for a second before he remembered his train of thought. "Hey, I know it is still early...but I got some chocolates for you - my treat.'' He smiled as he took them from the drawer of his desk and handed them to her.

A surprised look flashed on her face before it was replaced with a wonderful smile. ''What did I do to earn this?'' she asked as she made instant eye contact with him.

''First of all," he started as he moved towards her and placed both hand on her shoulders. "You stick it out with me, and secondly, you being the most amazing person you are.'' He smiled, giving her a quick kiss before sitting down at his desk again.

''So why were you being so mysterious this morning?'' Gabby asked moving towards his bunk and sat down on his bed.

''Well, you know I have been under the weather for the past few days. I went to see a doctor this morning, you know, just to get it checked out.''

Gabbe nodded a bit concerned but a small smile still on her face. ''So what did the doctor say?'' she asked as she tried to reach for his hand, that was rested on his thigh, but he was too quick for her and he was already rising to his feet before she could touch him.

''Chest infection, so I am going to be fine.'' Matt replied a little to bluntly. Realising that he was a little too harsh, he smiled to soften the blow. ''I mean, the doctor said he expected it should wear off in a few more days with the medication he gave me."

"What did he give you?" she asked now even more intrigued.

"He gave me a course of paracetamol but he said take it as and when i need it, but he did, however, tell me that my wife should be really super sweet and give a massage once we get home.'' he tried to persuade her.

''He didn't say that.'' Gabby shook her head and rolled her eyes before she pushed herself up so she was closer to him now - they were both looking at each other.

''No, but it was worth a try, right?'' Matt chuckled as she stood up.

"Yeah, whatever Casey." she laughed as she headed for the door. "Look, i gotta go, the ambo isn't gonna restock itself - but thank you for the chocolates as well. It was super sweet of you to think of me."

"It's okay!" He called as she turned round the corner. "I'll see you later!" Returning to his desk he let his head rest into his hands as he felt the lack of sleep hit him like a wave - _what's happening to me?_ He asked himself.

A few hours later, Matt was still sitting at his desk trying to complete his paperwork. The afternoon had been a slow one - 61 had been the only one with any calls and having a slow shift was strangely what they all needed. Suddenly realising that he hadn't had anything to drink since before he went to the doctors, Matt made the executive decision to be sociable and head out to the common room to get a drink, as well as to make the team believe that he wasn't ignoring them. Heading out into the corridor Matt suddenly had the urge to cough, stronger than he had felt in a long time. Trying to muffle the sound so that the whole of Chicago didn't find out he was suffering from a chest infection, Matt pressed his hand to his mouth, coughed, then froze as he pulled it away. The sick feeling he had felt when they were back in Mexico swamped him again. Stopping in his tracks he couldn't move his eyes from the blood mixed with the ickiness of coughed up disgustingness that was sat in the palm of his hand. Without him even knowing Kelly had come up behind him and stopped beside him.

"Matt? Everythin' okay?" he asked then looking down at his friend's hand and frowned. "Hey, you got that checked out?"

Shaking his head to try and bring himself back to reality, Matt tried to shrug off his panic and he strode for the bathroom.

"Hey, Matt, Hey!" Kelly called as he chased his friend down the corridor and was just able to catch him before he was able to lock himself in a bathroom cubicle. "What's gotten into you?" he asked now holding onto Matt's shoulders so he had no option other than to talk to him.

"I...I...I ermm…." Matt stuttered as he tried to find his words.

"You know you can talk to me right, like i'm not gonna run away because of a little chest infection-" Kelly said with a friendly smile.

"Yeah, I...I get that." he said to the floor. Suddenly realising what his friend had said his head shot up. "Wait, how did you know that I had a chest infection."

Kelly chuckled as he let go of Matt, now sure that he wasn't going to run away. "Let's just say that me and Gabby had a bit of a gossip…" Matt rolled his eyes and turned so his back was to his friend. "What?" Kelly laughed.

Taking a deep breath, wincing again because the pain struck him across the chest, he turned and looked him in the eye. "Kelly, it's not a chest infection." he said forcefully, his voice raising a little too loudly. "Because with a chest infection you don't cough-" Suddenly, Matt erupted into another fit of rattley coughs - his hand just covering his mouth to cover his splutter. Once it had subsided, he pulled it away slowly, both their eyes unsure of what they were going to see. Their eyes met, Matt looking pale and panicked and Kelly worry filling his eyes and his expression. "Matt, yeah this is more than a chest infection…"

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, please let us know what you thought and till next chapter!x**


	4. When matters get worse

Thanks so much for all the response on the three chapters. We hope you enjoy this chapter as well, please do leave a review with what you think at the end!

* * *

''You have to talk with Gabby about this.'' Kelly said advancing towards Matt, his friend instantly backing away - his gaze still on the red patch in his hand.

''It's probably nothing Kelly, doctor said it was just a mild chest infection.'' Matt said crossing the room and finally washing his hands.

''Matt, you have to do back to the doctor. This is not just a chest infection! When you have a chest infection you - don't - bleed!'' Kelly tried to talk some sense into his friend. ''And you definitely need to tell Gabby. She is your wife now and she deserves to know!''

''It is probably nothing and I don't want to worry her about nothing!'' Matt said then his voice raising out of frustration and some fear. He dried his hands off and turned round to look at his friend. ''I will go to the doctor again, but please don't tell Gabby.'' His final words sounding like a desperate plead.

''I can't just not tell Gabby.''

''Kelly, please, as my friend I ask you not to tell her. I will tell her and go to the doctor, okay?'' Matt asked his friend then.

"Matt - you know i.." Kelly began, bringing the room out of an eerie silence.

"Hey you know what," Matt started as he headed for the door after forcefully checking his watch. "Do what you like, after all - she isn't married to you. So, if you do decide tell her i'm sure that she will never believe you. Kelly, we all know what you're like - ruining people's relationships is kinda your thing so if your gunna be an ass - please go somewhere else to break hearts because i'm actually kinda happy with mine being in one piece..." Matt finished, his voice as high as his temper as he stormed out of the bathroom and into his office, the glass of the door shaking as it made impact.

"So what's up with Casey?" Brett asked as she came and sat next to Gabby in the common room.

Looking up from her magazine and taking her coffee mug away from her mouth, she took a breath as she tried to choose her words. "What do you mean?" Gabby started as she tried to push herself up from the table. "He was fine the last time i saw him."

Following Gabby over the coffee machine Brett continued the conversation. "I was on my bunk, you know writing that run from, and i heard him and Kelly having a pretty heated discussion."

"Oh yeah?" Gabby replied as she raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah, it sounded pretty bad Gabby."  
"Hey, Sylvie look - he's a big boy now. Like he grew a pair to ask me to marry him so we gotta give him the credit right?" She giggled as she looked down at her watch. "I mean he has some alderman thing to do after shift and we can leave in like two minutes - he's probably on his way out now." As if she had predicted the future, as both girls looked round Matt was walking forcefully out of the firehouse. His bag slung over his shoulder and his phone pressed on his ear. "You see?"

"Fine, i guess i was just worrying that something was going on between them." Brett said as she followed Gabby down the corridor towards the locker room.

"They're just marking their territory Sylvie." Gabby replied as she pulled open her locker and took out her coat and bag. "That what men do because they're animals. You should have seen Casey's apartment before we moved in together. I mean sometimes i think i'm his personal slave."

As he come home, Gabby was just finishing up on making dinner.

''Oooh I am starving.'' He smiled a she walked in, kissing her on her cheek.

''Well, dinner is ready in 5 minutes.'' She promised, the pumpkin and spinach lasagna in the oven for another 5 minutes. He walked to the fridge, grabbing a some filtered water before sitting down by the table.

''Pff, I am so ready for a day of nothing tomorrow.'' He admitted, tired from shift and alderman duties.

''I did make the meal you really like, so that should cheer you up.'' Gabby smiled, putting a bowl of salad on the table.

''Oh, I can't wait.'' Matt smiled.

''Didn't your doctor said I had to spoil you.'' She said as she kissed him on his temple, going to get the lasagna out of the oven, putting it on the table.

''Feeling really spoiled.'' He smiled then, coughing a bit, but luckily this time it wasn't much.

''You okay?'' Gabby asked concerned as she was scooping some salad on both of their plates.

''Yeah, yeah.'' he sighed, drinking some water. ''Stupid infection.''

"Sounds like manflu to me." she giggled making him roll his eyes with one of his signature half smiles.

They had dinner together, Matt being so grateful that she was cooking his favourite dish for him. It was so sweet and he cleaned up the table.

''You should take some rest.''

''Hmm, I am fine.'' he promised her, giving her a kiss on her forehead as he was washing off the plates.

She wrapped her arms around him and looked over his shoulder.

''Want to watch a movie later?''

''Yeah, yeah i'd love that.'' He smiled, turning his head and pecking her on the lips as he was finishing up washing off.

They settled on the couch together and as the movie was getting started, he laid his arm around her.

''You should have told me earlier you weren't feeling well, that you were going to a doctor'' She said as she crawled against him.

''Well, you would've just blamed it on the manflu like you did earlier.'' He joked as he took her hand, his fingers around the ring that was on her finger. The wedding band that he hoped would stay there forever.

''Haha, to be fair you always really overact it when you feel sick.'' She laughed, laying against his chest.

''It that okay?''

''Yeah.'' he said, wrapping his arms around her. They watched the rest of the movie but settling for bed early then, as they were both tired from shift.

As they were getting undressed to go to bed, she thought about what Sylvie had said. SHe knew it was probably none of her business but she did want to bring it up.

''Matt?''

''Hmm?'' He asked turning around as he was grabbing a shirt to put on in bed from the wardrobe.

''Sylvie said you and Kelly got in a fight today. Want to talk about it?''

''Not really.'' He said as he pulled the shirt over his head.

''Oh''

''It was nothing.'' He promised as he laid down in bed.

''If you say so.'' She said as she laid down in bed as well.

They curled up in bed together, Matt after taking some more paracetamol and tried to fall asleep. Gabby was already asleep in his arms when he still couldn't fall asleep. It took a long while, mostly because he was thinking about his talk with Kelly.

Waking up in the middle of the night, Matt woke up with a throbbing pain in his chest again. Gabby was still fast asleep. He tried to roll over, softly to fall back asleep again when he suddenly felt his pillow being slightly damped.

A bit confused he sat up on the edge of the bed, careful so he didn't wake up Gabby and he grabbed his phone from the nightstand.

He switched on the flashlight and looked as his pillow then. The white pillow cover was covered with a thin layer of blood in a small patch roughly in the same space as his mouth would have been - he felt his heart start to race.

Worried he got up and looked at it, Gabby still asleep. He thought about waking up but he was so nervous. Instead he pulled his pillow over the bed, sliding the pillowcase off and as quietly as he could, grabber another one from the cabinet, putting the clean one around it and putting it back on the bed.

Gabby stirred a bit in the bed but fell back asleep then. Nervous he walked out of the bedroom, towards the kitchen.

Worried he was going to hear her, he walked to the small balcony they had, carefully closing the door. Quick he dialed Kelly's number.

Even though it was the middle of the night, his friend did take the call, sounding very sleepily.

''What? Coming to yell at me again?''

''Kelly….'' Matt stammered, not sure what to say. His mind racing so much that he was struggling to find the right tone of voice and the right words.

Kelly was quiet then, as he could hear the doubt and fear in his friend's voice. He knew that that point that all the things that had happened earlier on in the shift didn't matter - that right now he needed to be there because he knew that he was the one person Matt could turn to at that moment in time. He was desperate and Kelly was scared for him. He was scared because he knew Matt - possibly better than Gabby did in this way - and he would never phone in the middle or the night.

''Kelly, you were right, you were right okay and i'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything i said but you were right, this is really bad.'' Matt stammered, scared for what was going to come.

* * *

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	5. Uncertainty

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Even more nervous than when he had gone back to the GP this morning, he walked into the hospital, his heart pulsing. The feeling that he got having the feeling of throbbing all over his body was somehow not very comforting at this moment in time. The sterile white walls enhancing the feeling that he was checking himself into the afterlife - even if he was just going to have a few tests. First he had been told to go to the lab to get some blood tests. The fact that his heart was getting ready to lurch out of his chest wasn't exactly filling him with confidence. He shoved his hands into his pockets to try and hide the fact that they were shaking from the nerves as he sat down in the waiting area to be called to have his blood drawn. Finally, the feeling that he had been waiting alone with his thoughts was lifted and he was called in to sit down in the big chair ready for the procedure to begin.

The fact that the nurse was gathering some things together was starting to unease him, but at the same time relax him. _God i'm screwed up at the moment_ , he said mentally to himself.

''Alright, just have to take some blood from you.'' She told him as she grabbed some supplies and turned to face him. Matt reluctantly rolled up his shirt sleeve and watched as the nurse pulled the strap around his upper arm as she got ready to place the needle in the inside of his elbow.

''Are you nervous, lightheaded?" she asked with mild concern as if she'd seen it all before.

''No no, it is fine.'' He lied as he looked away, not really wanting to see the needle go in even if he did deal with blood on a daily basis - however, he'd seen enough of his own for a while. He felt a sharp sting in his elbow, but soon it was just a light, burning pain. Looking back at the point in his arm where the needle was embedded, he watched as the blood dribbled into the small plastic container, the nurse filling up four in total, carefully removing the needle again and handing him a cotton ball to press against his elbow.

She was putting the labels on the plastic containers and put them away then. Matt felt his eyes stare as he watched her - a dizzy feeling washing over him again.

''Alright, take your time getting up, you might be dizzy.'' The nurse warned him even though he was already feeling the effects and he was sitting down. However, soon he did stand up, his hand still on the chair to make sure he didn't fall over. He was a bit lightheaded but now that the blood was drawn mean that he got to go cafeteria and eat - that was until he realised that he still had the x-ray to have before that could happen. So, with a sigh he thanked the nurse, who was sitting at the table beside the chair and headed out into the white corridor to find the radiology department.

Again, after waiting a long time to be called, Matt found himself walking into the x-ray room before being told to lay down and lay still. Waiting for the x-ray to be taken, he couldn't keep his mind of the fact he was here and Gabby had no idea what was going on. She thought that he was off in the other side of the city checking on a construction job that he'd finished a few months ago - you know, checking on the family and making sure that they were still happy with what he had done for them. He had lied to her, the first time in years, and he felt terrible. However, he knew that something was wrong with him and it was his right to find out why he was feeling this way. He was doing the right thing and he knew that she would finally come round to the idea...

 **A few days later**

Picking up the mail from the mailbox on the way up after getting some groceries at the 7/11 just around the corner, Gabby walked into the apartment. By the kitchen table she sorted out her groceries, going through the stack of mail then.

''Matt?'' Gabby asked as she took a letter from the hospital, addressed to him. Frowning she started to tear it open. She knew it was addressed to him but she was wondering why. She had no idea why he had gone to the hospital the past time. Maybe it was just a reminder for a check up or something. She knew he still had to go to a neurologist once a year because of his previous head injury, so maybe that was for that.

''Matt!'' she yelled, pulling the letter out of the envelope now. Frowning she looked as it was a bill. But it wasn't for neurology, it was for radiology and the laboratory.

Even more confusing, it was for an x-ray and a blood test.

Matt came walking into the kitchen.

''Something wrong?''

''Care to explain what this is for?'' She said as she held up the bill, Matt taking it from her hands.

''I was...uhm...meaning to tell you about this.'' He said and she looked really concerned.

''Meaning to tell me about what?''

''The chest pains got really bad...and sometimes when I cough, there is blood coming up.'' He said.

''Why didn't you tell me?''She asked angrily, but mainly out of mild panic.

''I didn't want to worry you.'' He said upset, she could hear his voice shaking a little. ''I'm scared and the last thing i want, is for you to be scared too.'' Silently he leaned against the kitchen table. ''I'm really scared.'' he admitted then, his voice breaking a bit.

Feeling bad she walked his way, hugging him. ''I - I feel like you should have told I am sorry you're so scared, it is going to be okay.'' She promised him, leaning against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

''I am really sorry.'' He whispered then.

''As long as you don't keep any other secrets from me. When are the results?''

''Tomorrow.'' He said. ''I was gonna tell you tonight. I really need you with me.'' He said quickly.

She wanted to get so angry with him. So angry that he had not told her but she felt like she was panicking now. Scared what was wrong with him and not wanting to make it even harder, she just felt sad. And knew she had to be there for him.

''Okay, we will go together.'' She promised him. She laid her hand on his jaw, caressing it then. He looked so worried and now she understood why he was being so quiet the last few days.

''Matt, we are married...and remember what was one of our vows? For better or worse. In sickness and in health...so please, you do have to tell me about these things. I love you and I will be here for you. Always.'' She promised then and they shared a kiss.

The rest of the day was very hard between them.

Gabby tried not to be mad that he hadn't told her. She really wished he had so that she could have supported him a bit more, especially now he was so worried. But with what was going on now, both of them being scared for tomorrow, she also did not want to make it even worse. She was upset, but was more upset that this had to happen to him, that he had to go through this.

All they could hope was that the news tomorrow would be good.

In the middle of the night Gabby woke up. Walking to the bathroom as she had to go, she felt a bit of cramping in her lower abdomen. For a moment she thought it might just be the stress of having to go to the hospital with Matt tomorrow. If the doctor was worried, so was she. But then she realized it could also be something else.

Worried about her period starting - although two days late - she looked in the cabinet for her box of tampons.

But then, it looked like it was not the case.

Confused, if it was just the stress, finding it weird that her period was so late, she sat down on the edge of the bath. She could not fall back asleep it seemed, all the worries for tomorrow rushing through her head. If the GP had send him to the hospital, she was scared.

Getting up then, just to be sure, she walked to the cabinet, taking out the box with the pregnancy test. Maybe she was being overly paranoid. It could really just be the stress.

But she wanted to be sure. Now they were not sure about Matt, this was at least something she could be sure about.

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	6. The Future

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* * *

Her hands were shaking as she was holding the test.

They had been so scared, so unsure what was going to happen in the future with the news about the tests coming tomorrow.

And now they were also expecting a baby.

They wanted a family, they had talked about it on their honeymoon. That they would stop with all anti conception and see what happened. And now she was already pregnant.

Her hand was shaking as she cleaned the test up just a little bit before putting it aside. Her heart was racing, scared.

She had no idea how she was going to tell him with what was coming up tomorrow.

Panicking, she put the test aside. She should tell him, in the morning. But then he was going to be so nervous about the tests. But maybe it could also cheer him up. She put the test back in the box and put it in the cabinet beside her stuff. She couldn't wait to tell him.

The thought about a little baby that was going to be theirs, also made her so happy. After losing their baby last year, she hoped that they would finally be blessed with a little baby, and being parents.

Usually she would have woken him up because this was amazing news and she knew how bad he wanted a family, but she was so glad he had finally fallen asleep after tossing all night to fall asleep. With the fear for tomorrow, she felt it was not the right moment.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she was so happy. A little baby of her and Matt.

Slowly she walked back to the bed and laid beside Matt again, she was so shocked but also so scared for what was going to happen tomorrow.

She crawled against him, Matt wrapping his arm around her in his sleep. She really just hoped that everything would be okay , hoping that after tomorrow, all they had to worry about in the future was their little baby.

Matt woke up really early in the morning. He knew that the alarm was still a while away but there was no way he was falling asleep again. He was so nervous because of him getting the results to the x ray and the blood test.

He was so scared, scared that it was going to be something very serious. With all the stories he had heard of firefighters getting really sick after years on the job, with all the bad fumes they had breathed in.

All they had thought about after getting married was starting a family and now he was getting scared.

Finally the alarm went and Gabby woke up as well.

''Morning.'' She said as she kissed him, saw how worried he was. She was worried as well but tried to stay calm, hoping that would help him stay calm as well.

Wanting to get up from the bed, they just sat on the edge of the bed for a while, neither of them knowing what to say.

''What if it is bad news?'' Matt suddenly said then.

''Really, everything will be fine, I am sure.'' She said as she crawled to his side of the bed, sitting behind him and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him in his neck.

Even though the worries about this afternoon were racing through her head, she couldn't help but think about the little child growing in her, the child of them together.

''Matt?''

''Yeah…''

''I uh….nevermind.'' She said then, knew that it was not the time to tell him. Instead they took a shower and got ready to go to the hospital.

Matt had so much on his mind and there wa sos much he wanted to tell Gabby. How much he loved her, how scared he was and how he hoped that it was nothing serious, because he couldn't wait to start a family. But all of it seemed to fall away now that they were not sure what was going to happen after he got the news in the hospital today.

At breakfast she saw Matt's hand shaking, probably his nerves getting the best of him.

''It's going to be okay.'' She promised him as she laid her hand on his for a second. He gave her a small smile, still looking really nervous. For a second she wanted to bring up the pregnancy, but knew this wasn't the moment.

She just hoped the news in the hospital would be good, so that she could finally tell him that they were expecting a baby. She wasn't hiding it from him but knew his mind was not in the right place now to hear that he was going to be dad.

After cleaning up breakfast they made their way to the hospital. Matt was so nervous, scared for what was going to come. Gabby was holding ther hand as they walked to the doctor's office that Matt had seen before the X-ray and the blood tests, shortly.

Sitting down in the waiting area, Gabby could almost hear his heart race. She really wish that he could calm down, because there was nothing he could change about what was coming, but she was scared as well. All she wanted for them was to have a happy future. With being married and expecting a baby now, they should be happy and looking forward to the future.

''I am still scared.'' Matt admitted. It was weird he felt so scared, at least that was what he felt, especially when he always ran into burning buildings as his job. He still hoped that it was going to be good news and nothing serious, but with the tests in the hospital, he was scared.

''It is going to be okay.'' She promised him again as they shared a hug.

''You are not scared at all?'' Matt asked then.

''I mean I am, but no matter what it is, we are going to get through this.'' She told him and he nodded.

''What I have said before is really true. We will get through it no matter what. I married you, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health so we will do it fine, I am sure.'' She told him and for a second she thought about telling him about the exciting baby news, but it would be good to tell him when they get home.

Matt nodded, really appreciating this.

They gave each other a quick kiss before they were called into the doctor's office.

Not only was the doctor there he had talked with before the got the x-ray and the blood test, there was another doctor as well now, shaking Casey's hand.

''I am doctor Weller, oncologist.''

''Oncologist?'' Matt said confused. Gabby pinched his hand, even more scared for what was going to come now.

''Please sit down mr. Casey.'' The doctor said as he sat down. Gabby was still holding his hand as they sat down.

''I am not sure what I am doing here...I mean...an oncologist is for cancer...I don't have...I don't have cancer, right?'' Matt asked worried.

''Mister Casey, I have the result here-''

''No, I mean, I am really healthy! I eat healthy, I work out a lot. I don't smoke, I am really not sure what I am doing here-'' Matt stammered

''Matt, please just listen to the doctor.'' Gabby said, biting her lip. If they were here, she knew what was going on. Her heart sank as she was still holding his hand, tears already welling up in her eyes.

''I am really sorry to inform you, but we found masses in your lungs." Gabby felt Matt take a sharp intake of breath as the doctor carried on. "I am really sorry to tell you, but you have lung cancer.''

* * *

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	7. The Biopsy and News

**Glad you forgave us for the ending on last chapter! Thanks so much for all the response on the previous chapter. We hope you enjoy this chapter as well, please do leave a review with what you think at the end!**

* * *

 **5 days later**

Tired.

That was the only word he could think of. He was so tired. The past few days had been a rollercoaster. After the word was out he had cancer, everything the doctor had said had moved past him.

Now he was laying on the cold table in the CT scan for the biopsy, to know exactly what he was up against. Even though he had been so scared it had been this for the diagnosis, he was even more scared now about what was going to happen. All he knew was that the masses had not full spread through his lungs and metastasized, he just hoped that it was in time to save his life. The doctor said his chances were well, but he was still worried. The last thing he wanted was to have to say goodbye to Gabby, without them even starting a proper future together - in retrospect, that was what scared him the most.

Two days ago he had gone to shift like nothing was wrong; he had wanted to tell the firehouse at the end of shift, but he still didn't want to face up to the fact that he really had cancer. He really just wanted to act like nothing was wrong, because he didn't want to face what was going on. He was really sick and he had no idea what was going to happen in the future.

Gabby had been so good through all of this - to the point that he was actually thankful that he had finally found the courage to tell her. She tried to cheer him up,made everything easier and he was so glad that he still had her. She was always there to support to him - he just hoped that it wouldn't ruin their marriage.

Laying on his side now in the CT now and waiting for the biopsy to start; they had just given him the sedation and he was waiting for it to set in, as well as his chest still aching from the local sedation. The doctor sat down by him again, telling him what was going to happen now.

He closed his eyes, trying to push everything out of his mind, or in compromise, he tried to think about something else other than the biopsy. He felt a sharp sting in his side and found it suddenly more difficult to keep his breathing stable.

The worst part was that he had to tell everybody. The only people that knew now where Christie, Gabby and Kelly. He had really not felt up for telling other people. He hadn't even had the heart to tell Violet yet, mostly because he still hoped it was all still a mistake.

He had gone to see Kelly after the diagnosis and together they had had beers, not really wanting to talk about it a lot but it was a nice way to tell him. Neither of them wanted to say much, because there was not a lot to say. It sucked and they had no idea now what was going to happen now.

All he knew was that they had to move quickly, when they knew what type of cancer it was, so that it could not spread.

He was glad when the biopsy was over, his side throbbing even with the sedation he was brought into recovery. The sedation was wearing off and after getting a bit of food and some water, he started to feel a lot better.

After a while, when he felt a lot better and was starting to feel ready to go home. She came to see him there and pick him up.

''How did it go?'' She asked as she sat down by him.

''Okay, just hurts.'' Matt said then and Gabby kissed him on his forehead.

''Doctor said you should just take it easy for a bit while the anesthesia wears off...then I will take you home.'' She told him and he nodded.

She sat with him for a bit, Matt slowly starting to feel better and began to sit up, when the nurse came to remove the IV and he was cleared to go home. Gabby got the instructions to make sure the dressing on his chest was changed tomorrow and she nodded, figured there was a lot more instructions of care coming the next few months.

She tried to be good support through all of this. She tried to help comprehend it all, remember everything that was said by the doctors and see what she could do to make it easier. It seemed it was all passing Matt by a bit, too much on him, so it was something she could try to help him with.

They went home then, Matt settling on the couch as he still felt a bit nausea still from the sedation and the pain.

Texting Kelly about how it went, he fell asleep then. Gabby did some stuff around the house. With all that as going on now it was really getting behind. The tv got switched on then and she knew Matt was awake again. Nervous she sat down on the edge of the bed. She really wanted to tell him about the pregnancy, didn't want to keep it from him and knew it might actually make him very happy. She really wanted to share it with him as it was really something they had always wanted - a little family.

She came walking from the bedroom after getting the test, saw him sitting on the couch, looking at the TV but he seemed really absent. Probably all of the things that were coming up in their future were going through his head.

Sitting down beside him, she took his hand and he looked her way. ''Are you feeling okay?''

''Yeah, just a bit sore.'' He said as he gave a her a small smile. ''Worried for what is going to come...and I really don't want to tell the firehouse.''

For now they had told the situation to the CFD and Boden. But as he wanted to tell the firehouse personally, the firehouse didn't know better than that Matt and Gabby were missing some shifts because of personal reasons.

''We can go tell them after we go home from the hospital friday?'' She said and he nodded.

''Yeah, with the chemo coming up, I should tell them soon.'' He said, looking sad.

''Matt, I need to tell you something.'' She said then. Knew she had to tell him sometime and she hoped this was the pick me up he so desperately needed. ''The morning you got the results, I did a test as well.'' She said and she handed him the pregnancy test from behind her back.

He took the test form the box, looking at it as tears filled his eyes. ''Is this really..?''

''Yes, I did a second test.'' Gabby smiled as he started to smile as well, tears streaming down his cheeks down. He wrapped his arms around her, so happy with this news as they both started to cry.

It was a really sad few days, but this also gave them hope for the future.

Matt let go of the hug, still crying and wiped the tears away from his eyes. ''This is such good news.'' He said, not wanting to think about how it could be in 9 months, how he would be doing in 9 months.

But it happy news and he couldn't wait to be a dad. ''I love you so much...and we will get through this, to become a family.'' He sniffed, laughing then for a second, so happy with this news and new energy to start this fight, to get through this.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, please let us know what you thought and till next chapter! We promise there is a lot more coming up! x**


	8. 5050

**Glad you forgave us for the ending on last chapter! Thanks so much for all the response on the previous chapter. We hope you enjoy this chapter as well, please do leave a review with what you think at the end!**

* * *

It almost felt familiar walking into the hospital now. Today he was going to talk with doctor Weller about the treatment. Gabby was with him again and he was so grateful for that.

They got in his office and sat down.

Matt tried to listen as the oncologist was telling him about the treatment. Gabby was taking notes and he hoped that she was listening.

''But the chemo also could make you infertile.'' The doctor said then.

''Sorry?'' Matt asked then, suddenly listening again.

''The chemo can make you infertile.'' Doctor Weller repeated. ''If you want to, we can make bank some of your sperm, so it can be used in the future.''

''How long will that take?'' Matt asked then, not wanting to ruin the future for him and Gabby.

''This could take weeks.'' Dr. Weller admitted then and Gabby looked at him, shaking his head.

''You two can think about it, but I will need to know before friday, so that if you do choose to do this, we will need to postpone you starting chemo.''

He looked at Gabby, knew they had to talk about this as this was going to impact their future, but she shook her head.

''No Matt, we can't wait that long. You should start.'' She admitted.

''But-''

''We are going to have a family, and if we want more children we will see.'' She said and Matt nodded, knew she was right. He didn't really want to wait with it either. He was scared enough and he wasn't sure what kind of impact would have delaying the treatment to bank some sperm. It just didn't seem worth it right now.

''That's right. I will start with chemo next week.'' Matt firmly stated then.

''Are you really sure about this? It's a big decision.'' Weller insisted, twiddling his pen casually between his fingers as if he'd been in this position numerous amounts of times.

''It could have a massive impact - yeah i get that, but I don't want to risk starting with treatment a few days later.'' Matt said, ''It's not going to be worth it if it makes me sicker.''

''Understood.''

Matt squeezed Gabby's hand. They were still expecting a baby, so that was something that made this decision a little bit easier. He had always expected he was going to have a really big family. Now they would hopefully have one child of them together. But he felt grateful for that now, cause at least he could get started with the treatment to make him better, hopefully before the baby would be born.

''So furthermore about the treatment. After the rounds of chemo we will see if the tumors have shrunk. Hopefully we can surgically remove it then. You are really lucky it only stayed in one part of your lungs. If that is successful, we will give you a few more rounds of chemo.''

Matt nodded, the whole journey ahead of him sounding long and hard and painful - he knew it was going to be, but he also hoped that it would all work out so he could live long enough to see his family grow old. Something he had really not wanted to think about the chance it was not going to go well, and he would never see his baby grew up. But that was definitely something he really didn't want to think about.

After the meeting with the oncologist, Matt was going to have his port placed for starting chemo next week. He went to the center where he was going to get the chemo next week.

Gabby was walking with him but waited in the waiting room a nurse came to take him away.

Even though he tried not to be nervous, he still was. It was all ner for him and he was worried this was going to be his life from now on.

They put local sedation around the spot in his chest where the port was going to be placed and he tried to relax. He still felt them working on his chest but he just tried to close his eyes. He was more nervous about having to talk to the firehouse today.

It was soon done with the small port for the IVs was under his skin and the Nurse taped it off with some dressings.

''We will see you here on wednesday… if you feel anything is wrong, please call us.''

''Thanks.'' Matt said as he walked towards the waiting room, struggling to get the shirt back on.

''You okay?'' Gabby asked as she came to help him.

''All good.'' Matt assured her as she helped him get sweater over his head and over his chest, worried to hurt the port. It was a bit sore, but he was just glad it was in now and was going to avoid that he was going to have to get needles places in his hands every day.

They left the hospital. In the car he could feel the nerves building and building over the fact about having to tell the firehouse about the cancer. He wouldn't come back to shft. It made him sad because he really liked the work. Gabby was going back in two shifts, so that they would not suddenly lose all income. With insurance covering most, but not all expenses, she had decided to keep working as much as she could. It made Matt feel even more miserable because now she was pregnant and she had to keep working, because he was sick; however, he knew she really enjoyed working on Ambo so that lessened the burden.

Gabby was holding his hand as they walked into the firehouse, hoping it could slightly encourage him. She had asked him if he had been sure he wanted to tell them himself, she could imagine that it was the last thing he wanted. But he did, he wanted to let them know, and by telling them himself maybe told them that he was managing the situation - even if he was keeping it behind closed doors.

He could barely believe he was in this situation because it seemed like something that would never happen to you. Maybe talking about it with the others would at least make him accept it a bit more - even if the thought did scare him half to death.

Walking into the common room, their hands still interlocked, they were greeted warmly by everybody as always.

''I got something to tell you all.'' Matt announced then, standing by the table, wanting to get it done and out the way so he didn't have to sit and dwell on the thought for the whole shift. He let go of Gabby's hand and took a breath: ''You may have been wondering why I wasn't here shift the last two shifts...and...and... Gabby missed them as well. But uh…well, the last weeks I have been feeling pretty ill and I finally went to the hospital - you all know what i'm like when it comes to doing that sort of thing-" there was a giggle that ran round the room.

Matt was suddenly thankful that he had a family like 51 that made times like this a little easier to deal with. "Errm, so, they did an xray and...well...it's - it's not good.''

He paused for a moment as the current giggles from his last statement was suddenly silenced.

''Uhm….last week Wednesday I got the results of all the x-rays...they did more tests …. and it turns out that I have stage 2 lung cancer.'' He sighed, finally letting the words spill out.

The silence that followed and filled the common room was deafening. As a tightness consumed his throat he let his head hang.''Non small cell...and my chances are about 50/50.'' He mumbled then. Nobody knew what to say and he couldn't blame them.

However, Herrmann was the first one to break the silence; he moved towards him, his pace speeding up almost as if the desperation to meet him was becoming stronger and stronger. "Lieutenant - what can i-"

"Nothing, Christopher, really." He sighed and placed his hands on his hips. "It's just something that happens - you know, we just have to deal with it." Before he had even had a chance to finish what he was saying Herrmann had wrapped his arms around him. Not in a weird and creepy way, it was actually something that Matt felt like he needed. Suddenly, he began to hear other people slowly getting out of their state of mild shock and maneuver themselves into his direction.

Giving into the atmosphere of support and family, Matt let his head rest against Herrmann's as he now held onto him for strength rather than it just being a hug. He was slowly beginning to feel a wave that he was going to pass out begin to crash over his body. He let his eyes close to briefly cure his dizziness, and just let his posture slouch - he was done with building his walls of emotional defence up higher and higher so he didn't have to deal with things like this. But, now he had been forced to, and not been given a choice he felt like everything was going to be okay - a feeling he hadn't experienced in longer than he could remember.

After everyone was crowded around him, a feeling of warmth and love surrounded him - almost as if his colleagues were protecting him, just for a second, from the heartbreak and suffering the real world was delivering to him. Matt suddenly felt someone touch his side, and as he looked round he saw Gabby, squished between Cruz and Severide, smile at him. He now had surge of diluted happiness as he looked at her. Without saying anything she pushed herself up onto the balls of her feet and gently placed a kiss on his cheek before she leaned up so her chin was rested on his shoulder - that way she could whisper in his ear.

"You're here with the people that love you the most. Never forget that we'll all be here for you - no matter what comes your way."

* * *

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	9. The Start

**Thanks so much for all the response on the previous chapter. We hope you enjoy this chapter as well, please do leave a review with what you think at the end!**

* * *

 **5 days later**

It was the day he had to start chemo.

He had been told what the expect and he knew what was coming, but he was still nervous. Him and Gabby were just getting dressed to go to the hospital. She looked as he put the shirt on and walked towards him.

''Maybe something a bit more wide. I mean, would be easier with the IV line, right?'' She said as she put her arms around him.

''Yeah. Yeah.'' He mumbled then, pulling loose from her hug and walking to get another shirt.

''Sorry, I was just trying to help.'' Gabby said, worried he was angry.

''I am sorry, this is all new to me.'' He admitted and she nodded.

''I know...for me too. But it is all going to be okay.''

They shared a quick kiss and Matt pulled the looser shirt over his chest. Packing up some stuff to take the hospital for this afternoon they made their way to the living room then, ready to go.

In the living room, the whole table was filled with cards he had gotten from people now that they had told most people. All cards trying to make them feel better. It did make him feel a bit better that so many people cared and supported him and Gabby.

They made their way to the hospital then, both wishing that they wouldn't have to go. But they had to.

Matt felt his stomach sink as he walked into the unit where he would come for days on end the next few months.

The nurses greeted him so cheerful and happy and he knew they did it to keep his spirits up, but he just felt terrible being here. He sat down in the chair they told him to and Gabby was sitting beside him, holding his hand as the nurse put the needle in the port and put the bags full of medication up. Looking at the clear fluids, he just hoped it would actually make him better.

He tried to sit back and sleep a little as the chemo was slowly dripping, Gabby reading a book by his side.

''Gabs. How about we go out for dinner tonight?'' He asked her suddenly.

''Why?''

''Well, it might be the last time for a while.'' He told her. Not looking forward to getting really nauseous and sick, he thought it could be a nice evening for them. ''You know what the doctor said, I might get really.''

''Any wishes?'' She asked as she took her phone to make a booking. She hoped that he would have a good night tonight, hoping it would be a nice dinner together.

''How about that Italian place just down the block?'' He said then and she nodded.

''Booking a table right now.'' She smiled, hoping it would lift his spirits after this first day of chemo. Looking at the other people sitting here and most of them looked really sick, frail. Scared he was going to look like this at the end of this set as well, he tried to think about the nice dinner they had planned for tonight.

After a few hours, Matt was done and the line got disconnected and everything taped off again.

''Wasn't too bad, was it?'' Gabby tried to cheer him up a bit as he got up from the chair.

''Yeah.'' He just mumbled softly. He knew he was going to have to come here for the next 5 days, going through this every day. And then this for another few weeks with only small pauses.

But for now it was okay and he just looked forward for dinner.

After doing some stuff around the house and Matt went to finish up a small contracting job. He had cancelled all the other ones, but this was a small one, and he still felt good now.

Working on the roof of the shed he was asked to fix, he tried to think about the job he was doing, but all he could think about were the chemicals going through his body now. Hopefully they would make him better, but he was also worried about how sick they were going to make him.

What made him even more sad is that he and Gabby were never going to have another baby of their own. She was pregnant now, but they would have a natural big family. Even though the choice had been easy to chose for his life, and not a family, it was still hurting.

They went to the restaurant after the job.

Sitting at a table by the window, they ordered whatever they like, knew that tonight was a night to enjoy.

Their drinks arrived - both of them opting for a soda, Gabby because of the pregnancy and Matt because the last thing he wanted was to find out what happened with wine and chemo.

''Thank you so much for how you have taken everything so far.'' He said then. ''I mean, this isn't easy and it isn't going to...and you are with me here, supporting me.''

''Ofcourse.'' Gabby smiled.

''And I mean...I am so glad we are going to be parents.'' Matt smiled, his smile disappearing then. After losing a baby before, he was still scared of that was going to happen now too.

''Yeah, and I am sure everything is going to be fine...and you life is valuable. I know it wasn't an easy choice but I can't lose you.'' Gabby said then. Suddenly the waiter came to bring their plates.

They stopped talking about it, enjoying dinner.

''Are you not scared?'' Matt asked then. ''About the future?''

Gabby was silent for a second. ''Ofcourse I am, but I also believe that your chances are good, and you are going to make it. You are going to be fine and see our little baby grow up, I am sure about that.''

Matt smiled, so glad to hear that. He was scared about the future but also knew that he had a good chance of survival and he wanted to believe that, because he wanted to stay with Gabby and see his child grow up.

''Everything is going to be fine, I am sure.'' Gabby smiled, laying her hand on his, caressing his hand and feeling the wedding band. As long as they were together, everything had to be okay.

Coming home from the restaurant, Matt unlocked the door, Gabby holding his arm. It had been so good to be out together, but he was starting to feel sicker and sicker. Coming inside then, he suddenly made his way to the sink, pulling his arm away from Gabby's grip and before Gabby realized what was happening he threw up dinner again in sink.

Worried she caressed over his back, feeling so bad for him.

''You okay.''

Just as he wanted to get up, another wave of nausea hitting him and he leaned back on the sink, Gabby grabbing a towel as she still caressed his back.

''You okay.''

Not being able to answer as he was worried what was going to happen if he did, he just nodded for a second.

''Can I get you something?''

After dry heaving just a second, he finally managed to mumble a soft no and got up, Gabby handing him the towel as he wiped it over his mouth.

''Alright, let's get you to bed.''

''Maybe it was just the food.'' He mumbled as she held him, walking to bed, still feeling a bit dizzy.

''Maybe.'' She said softly, knew it was not the food. He laid down in bed, his stomach still feeling really uneasy.

''Dinner was really nice, thank you.'' She said as she kissed him on his cheek then.

''It really tasted better going down them coming up.'' Matt joked as he pulled her closer.

''Gross!'' Gabby shook her head, but glad he was able to laugh about it for now. Neither of them able to sleep, they just laid there.

He had his hand over her lower abdomen. As she was only 7 weeks along, there was nothing to feel there yet, but the idea of their baby growing in there, made him feel a little better, and calmed his worries a little bit.

Even if he was going to be really sick, he had to get through this.

* * *

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	10. Days gone by

**Two weeks later**

Matt wasn't sure if he was ever going to find a position he was going to be comfortable in again. His whole body was aching. Halfway through the morning he had settled in a position of hanging of the bed a bit, with the bucket under him.

The worst part was people came to bring them food non stop ever since they had told everybody the news of their diagnosis and he appreciated it so much, but every time he ate something had been futile since yesterday morning.

Honestly the first had been this morning. He had felt fine when he woke up - nausea wise - but then Gabby had suddenly hung over him, grabbing the bucket from his side of the bed to throw up. The noise and the smell nearly being enough to have him puking again as well.

At least they both gotten a chuckle out of it because of the irony.

Gabby walked into the bedroom.

''Are you okay.''

''I've gotten kind of comfortable.'' Matt mumbled softly.

''I got something to cheer you up….so I am seven weeks pregnant now...and uhm-'' she stopped for a second because she had her first checkup with her obgyn tomorrow but there was no way Matt could come along, but started talking them again.

''Well Cindy brought this book together with lunch for us...and it shows much the baby grows every week. Look, already the size of a blueberry! So cute!'' Gabby smiled then and he sat up again, leaning against the backboard as he took the book.

''And he is getting little arms already…'' Matt smiled then and she was so glad that even just talking about the baby seemed to cheer him up a bit.

''Uh, I am sure it is going to be a she though.'' Gabby smiled as she sat down by him and he shook his head.

''Nope, definitely a boy. Only a boy could cause you the trouble of being so sick.'' He said then as she put the book aside and wrapped her arms around him before snuggled down his side.

"Right, look who's now the expert on pregnancy!" She giggled running a hand over his clenched stomach. "Everything okay?" she asked now falling serious and meeting her eyes with his.

He was silent for a second. He could tell that it was making Gabby worry even more, that was when he knew that it was the right to crack the smile he knew she loved - the one that was shown less and less as the chemo went on. But he didn't want to think about that at the moment. He wanted to have a break from that feeling because it was getting slightly depressing it being there, in the back of his mind, all the time. For once in awhile, he actually felt happy. "Hey look at me," he asked as he reached up and slowly turned her face so she was looking at him again. One thing she had noticed about him was that every time they spoke about the baby, or even starting a family and the future, the light in his eyes returned. The one that was always there up until the day that their honeymoon came to an end - that was what made her think, now she realized all the things she missed. Him being quiet, his distant thoughts and it all lead to his condition. How could she not have realized something was up? "I'm here - talking about our baby - with you, of course everything's okay. It's probably the most okay i've felt since we were on our honeymoon."

"Now that i believe." Gabby smiled as she leaned up and lightly pecked his lips. ''Hey, you haven't been sick in a while, want to try and get up and have a little bit of lunch in the kitchen?'' She asked him figured it would also be good to get him up and walking for a bit as she saw he was fidgeting a bit after being in bed for so long.

''Yeah, sure.'' He said as she came round to his side of the bed and helped him up onto his feet. Knowing that she knew he was in a good mood she smiled. "It's nice seeing that cheesy grin plastered over your face." she giggled as he held onto her - his grip tightening steadily. "Hey, Matt - everything-" Before she was able to finish her sentence Matt had began to fall towards her, his eyes closed and his whole posture slumped. "Matt, hey - hey!" she said as she fought to keep him up. Suddenly she felt his muscles tense. Looking up from where her face was pressed to his chest, she was holding him up moments before she managed to get her arms underneath him to ease him back onto the bed. As she sat beside him, her hands on his chest and arm she looked at his relaxed face before it suddenly twitched as he ruffled his nose. "What happened?" She whispered as she pressed her lips to his cold lips.

"Urgh," he grumbled as he tried to lift himself up so he was sitting with his back against the headboard of the bed - a wave of dizziness hitting him again like when he was standing up. "Yeah I'm okay, just a little wave of dizziness. I'm okay now." He continued, a smile now sliding onto his face.

"Dizzy?" She asked him. "How long has it-"

"Gabby, I'm okay!" He said then shifting his weight so he could lean towards her and kiss her to prove he was okay.

"You better not be lying to me!" She giggled as she moved to her feet. He followed her, taking her hands he lead her towards the door - a smile now filling her face. "Now about this lunch you promised me…" he started leading her down the hall..

Slowly they walked to the kitchen, Gabby very careful with him, supporting him as they made small steps. "I'm

Not as China doll." Matt laughed as they reached the kitchen and headed into the kitchen.

"Yeah, but I can still worry about you." She said coming up behind him and pulling her arms around his stomach as he looked in the fridge, the open door causing a chill to run down his bare back. Closing the door he felt her push him so he was facing her. "It's nice that you seem like you're back to yourself, even if it's just for a few hours." She turned and headed for the cupboard.

Matt caught her hand as she tried to walk away. "What do you mean?"

She took a moment to looks at his confused eyes before she answered. "You're so happy and you seem like that Matt I knew before all of this cancer business, but, but when we get to the hospital and you have the chemo you just seem ill. It hurts me to see you like that."

"I know. I know that baby." He said as he cupped her cheek in his hand before brushing a bit of hair out of her face. "That's why we have to appreciate the time that we have."

"You're so modest. Even in a time like now." She giggled as he smiled down at her.

"It's because I'm thankful for what I have, even if I can't change it."

They finished lunch then, Matt sitting back, hoping it would stay down. ''Gabby, last night when I couldn't sleep I was reading some articles...and I read that it is dangerous for you to be around me...now that you are expecting a baby.'' He suddenly said. ''And I was thinking of moving in with Kelly. You know...just until…''

''Matt, I don't know what you are trying to say here but not splitting up with you. I am not leaving you alone in this.'' She shook her head then.

''But i don't want you or the baby to be harmed by this.''

Whereas just earlier, he had been so cheerful about the baby, he looked scared now.

''I am not leaving you alone in this.'' She told him again. ''Maybe we can talk to your doctor about it...but i don't want you to be worried sick about something you read online.''

Finally he nodded a bit, still not sure by this. The thought alone that he was hurting her because of his treatment, and the baby made him really scared.

''We will talk to you doctor, okay? Just don't worry about it.'' She promised him as she picked up the empty plates as they had to leave to go to the hospital soon. It was their life now and even though they didn't know the outcome, they kept high hopes for their family. As long as they had each other, hopefully all of this would be behind them over time, like a faint nightmare from the past.

* * *

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	11. Round 2, week 10

**Thanks so much for all the response on the previous chapter. We hope you enjoy this chapter as well, please do leave a review with what you think at the end**

* * *

Kelly parked the car on the driveway of the apartment building Gabby and Matt lived.

Matt was starting another round of chemo today, the other long enough ago now, and he had asked if Kelly could come with him and take him to the hospital, so Gabby would have some time on her own. He also felt it would be good to catch up with his friend.

Matt came walking outside and Kelly was a bit shocked ot his friend. Even though he had wanted to come by earlier to see his friend, Matt had been really sick and had wanted to meet, but hadn't been able to. Even though Kelly knew his friend had been really sick and was really, sick it was still shocking to see him. Gabby was walking with him, Matt walking slowly and looking really sick.

Gabby kissed Matt and Matt got in the car then, sitting down then.

''Hey.''

''Hey!'' Kelly said as he smiled at his friend, glad to see him, even though he did not look very good. Even though he was really sick now with the chemo, he also knew that it was making him better slowly.

Catching up on their way to the hospital and walking to the unit now where he was going to have his chemo.

Matt took the same chair he always took, the one by the window. It was nice to look outside and Kelly looked as the nurse connected the line to the port, Matt sitting back. It was all new to Kelly but it was also shocking to see how used his friend was already to it.

''How long does it take?''

''About two hours.'' Matt said and Kelly nodded. Kelly got some water both of them and tried to kill some time of the three hours it took by telling Matt about all the calls they had done in the past weeks.

At the end of the two hours, Matt got up and he and Kelly walked to the car. In the car back, Matt thought about the interview he was going to have this afternoon. As it would take a while before he would get really sick of the chemo again he had just had, he had planned an interview this afternoon.

Last week he had announced to step down as alderman, but not wanting to tell anybody why, it had raised a lot of questions with people and he knew he had to tell them someway. As Gabby was really stressed too with everything that was happening, Kelly had offered to do it at his place, so cleaning the house wouldn't be a worry for Gabby. She was already so stressed and he was sure it was good she had some time to herself tonight.

Sitting down at the couch at Kelly's place, Kelly coming to bring him some water, he also thought about what he still had to tell Kelly.

''You know, I do have something to tell you...me and Gabby are expecting a baby.'' He suddenly said. Everytime he got sad he thought about the baby and it made him feel so much better. And it was something he wanted to tell his friend personally. They were going to tell the firehouse next week while Gabby was on shift and if he felt good enough, but Kelly had always been there for him, also when they had lost their baby before and he really wanted to tell him in person.

''Oh, that is amazing news!'' Kelly said, surprised to hear it but also so happy for the couple. Even though the timing was not great, he saw how happy Matt was and that made him feel better as well.

''Yeah...yeah hopefully it will be good.'' Matt smiled a bit, still worried he was doing harm to Gabby and the baby by just being around them and he couldn't help but also be worried that he wouldn't be here any more when the baby was born, and that he would never become a father. But he wanted to keep hope and that was enough to be sure that he was going to be a daddy.

''I am so happy for you and Gabby, please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. How far along is she?''

''10 weeks.''

''Hmm, looks like you did some work on the honeymoon.'' Kelly smiled at his friend.

''Yeah...I am really glad, since uhm...well we most likely won't be able to have a baby anymore after the chemo.'' Matt said then, a bit sad.

''You are going to be great parents, the both of you.'' Kelly assured him then.

''Yeah, I hope so.'' Matt smiled then, knew he had to be positive about this. In two weeks him and Gabby were going to have the first ultrasound and he was so excited for that.

''Thanks that you are okay with doing the interview here.'' Matt said then. He knew the reporter for the newspaper should be here in about two hours.

''Ofcourse!'' Kelly told his friend. ''Anytime I can help out.''

''Gabby is really stressed and I couldn't do this to her too, i mean, she is so stressed already because of everything.'' Matt said, looking a bit guilty as he knew it was all his fault.

''You know my door is always open.''

''Thanks.'' Matt said then. With Gabby not having to worry about him today, nor the interview, he hoped she really took some time for herself.

''How she really dealing with all of this?''

''Well, she is being really caring and sweet, but I wish she would worry a bit more about herself and the pregnancy.'' Matt admitted. At first he had also been so scared about it being dangerous for the baby to be around her with the chemo in his body, but luckily the oncologist had assured him it would be okay, as long as she was careful around him throwing up.

Just barely they had managed around it.

Mat took a nap then. Even though he was feeling better between the rounds of chemo he still felt really tired, the medication really taking its toll on him.

Kelly woke him up and just a few minutes after the doorbell rang, Matt opening the door.

''Yeah, please come in.'' Matt said then. He felt terrible but knew this had to be done. The reporter came in and they sat down by the kitchen table. Kelly got some drinks for the both of them, handing the reporter a cup of coffee.

''So how are you feeling, alderman Casey?'' The reporter asked as he took a seat opposite him and pressed the button on the voice recorder to start the interview.

''Not well, not well at all.'' Matt admitted. ''Which is the reason I unfortunately had to step down as an alderman.'' Matt shifted in his seat, the reporter instantly picked up on the fact that he seemed really uncomfortable.

''Well mr. Casey, you announced that you have to step down as an alderman. This came out last week, why is this?" The reporter asked as he moved the mic slowly towards him. Casey felt a wave of heat pass through him. It was almost embarrassment but then he slowly realised it was regret. He wished with all that he had that he could continue on this amazing journey that was caring for this ward. He new that he'd helped people and now he was stepping down for this stupid illness. He knew he was letting people down. Finally finding his voice, Casey began to explain. ''Long story short, I found out a few weeks ago that I have cancer.'' He knew it was blunt but he really didn't want them to know too much of his personal life.

The reporter wanted to ask the next questions but then held himself back. It came as a big shock and he was silent for a minute.

''I am so sorry mister Casey.''

It wasn't an easy interview to do, but he tried to be as realistic but also positive as possible. He just hoped that it would make the people feel a bit better now they knew what was going and why he had to step down.

After talking a bit more, the reporter left, promising Matt he could see the article first before it would be published, and that calmed him down a lot.

Kelly and him had dinner together and on the way back he picked up some extra food for Gabby, some of the snacks she really liked and seemed to crave now that she was pregnant.

''Hey.'' He smiled as he walked in, kissing her. ''How was your day?''

''It was good, but tell me about yours.'' She said, trying to brush it off.

''No, you first. What did you do?'' He smiled as they walked to the couch together and sat down, him holding her hands in his caressing over them.

''I just...just did some work around the house, took a nice long bath….and Brett came over...I told her about the pregnancy. We are going out to shop for maternity clothes next week.'' Gabby smiled.

''That is great. I told Kelly. I hope you don't mind.''

''No, not at all!'' She smiled. ''I was thinking if you feel good enough next week we should tell the whole firehouse while i am on shift.''

''That sounds good.'' Matt nodded.

''How are you feeling?''

''Not too bad yet.'' He said as he gave her a small smile. Even though this morning he had started with the chemo again he did feel okay. But he knew it could start again tonight and tomorrow he would probably feel really sick again. But as long as it made him better, he knew that he had to get through it.

Sitting back in the corner of the couch, he pulled her against him and kissed her on top of her head.

''Oh, I took you some of the cheese snacks from that joint you love that's near Kelly.'' He suddenly remembered. Ever since the first round of chemo, his brain seemed to be like a swiss cheese, getting so forgetful.

''Oh, nice!'' She smiled, getting up to get it from the cabinet in the hallway where he had left it. Sitting down against him again, he was almost asleep and she laid down against him again. Laying against him as he was falling asleep, she held him tight.

''Would you still have married me...if you had known about this?'' He suddenly mumbled, half asleep, barely hearable but opening his eyes again now.

''Ofcourse I would.'' She said. ''No way we could have known but one of our vows was in sickness and in health. And I am damn sure gonna make true on that.''

Smiling at each other they shared a kiss now.

It had not been easy and it was not going to be easy, but they also knew they had each other through all of this, and that was most important now.

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	12. Happy news, hard times

**NOTE: Thank you so much for your reviews last chapter. Evne though the response is going down we hope you are still interested in the story! Please enjoy this chapter and let us know what you think!**

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Watching her fiance walk slowly up the driveway to the firehouse, Gabby let a number of thoughts fill her head. Walking to meet him so that he didn't have to struggle the rest of the way. ''Hey, how are you feeling?'' She asked with a concerned tone of voice as he came walking towards her.

''Good, it's nice to take a walk here.'' Matt smiled as he kissed her. As he pulled away he moved a strand of hair out of her face and watched her big brown eyes light up.

''You felt good enough to do that?'' She asked positively surprised at his effort of activity. She never doubted him that he would do things out of his way not to put extra stress on her and she thanked him dearly for that.

''Yeah, feeling relatively okay today.'' He told her as he kissed her again. It seemed funny that he ended the conversation so sharply; putting it down to the fact that he probably wasn't feeling himself fully. Instead of making the decision to query her thoughts she decided that walking with him quietly to the common room was a better idea.

The others were so glad to see him when he showed his face. Herrmann was the first one to spot him and then after it was laughing, cheering and chatting for the majority of the shift. Even though he didn't feel so great he was so happy to be there. It made him feel a little better because sitting at home made him feel so dreary and depressed he thought his brain was gonna explode.

Taking a bit of time from the chaos that was the firehouse team, Casey walked into what used to be his office. It felt strange asking Herrmann if it was okay to be in there, of course it was okay, but it wasn't his place to be anymore.

Walking in and taking a seat on the bed, Casey thought back to the first time he walked in here. The room was empty, nothing on the walls, just a bed and a desk. He thought about how he made it sort of his second home, little trinkets placed around the room to remind him of different things in his life.

Matt stood in the doorway now so he could get a better look at the room, the desk that was now covered in clutter. He silently laughed as he thought about how he always tried to keep it as tidy as possible and now Herrmann had just obliterated it.

Suddenly hearing footsteps coming his way, Casey pushed himself from wherever he was in his train of thought he was on and turned around to greet the person that was coming in his direction. He didn't know if they'd come to see him but it was the politeness that was important to him. Thanking the gods that it was who he hoped it was.

"Gabby." he said softly making her look up from the floor and smile.

"Hey you." she said as she reached him and planted a light kiss on his cheek. "I'd wondered where you'd got to."

"Ahhh, just looking at the old office - checking what Herrmann had done to it."

Gabby looked over his shoulder and giggled. "Yeah, i can see that now." she looked to her feet and took a deep breath.

"Everything okay?" he asked her, taking her shoulders in his hands.

She looked back at him, his blue eyes beaming at her. "I was thinking that we could tell the team about the baby. I mean-"

Matt sighed. "You don't want to?" she asked a little disheartened.

"No." he stated as he locked eyes with her again. "Telling them is exactly what i need right now. You know how talking about the baby makes me feel Gabby."

Smiling she placed her hand on the side of his face and he leaned into it, his eyes closed briefly. "I do - it makes me happy when i see your eyes light up and i know that they'll be so happy to hear the news."

"I'm past the point of caring at the moment how they feel towards us - as long as you're happy, i don't care about anything."

"Then i am happy - more than happy in fact and i know that we're in a funny place, you know, not many couples are ever were we are, but we're making it work. Just you and me."

Her way with words was one of the things he admired about her. She was like the brightest author that created masterpieces every time they picked up a pen - she was super intelligent and in some subjects, made him look like a neanderthal. He loved her more than anything. "Just you and me." he repeated as she took his hand.

"Now come on, let me see that smile light up your face as you tell them the news."

Together with walked back to the common room.

''Guys, we got something to tell you.'' Gabby said then, everybody looking at them.

''Well, you might think Gabby has been eating a lot - all the food I've not been eating lately - and that she became a bit rounded...well that is not it...we are expecting a baby.'' Matt smiled then, his arm around Gabby.

Everybody looked surprised at first but were so happy them, congratulating them all. That also because it was the cheer up they so desperately needed. .All the news around Matt had been bad so far, but now there was happy news.

''Oh my gosh, how far along are you?'' Brett smiled then, hugging Gabby.

''10 weeks. WIth everything going on we waited a bit longer to tell everybody.'' Gabby smiled. Looking aside at Matt she was so glad to see him smile. Even though he had tried to stay as positive as he could with all that was going on, she was so glad to see him smile again. Every Time they talked about the baby, he seemed to cheer up.

''Cindy and I will have a look what baby stuff we have for you.'' Herrmann promised them, hoping to take some pressure of the young couple with what they were already going through.

Getting tired, Matt walked to his locker, where he had left his stuff then he came in.

He sat down in the locker room, looking in his locker. He took out some of his stuff, taking out the beanie with truck 81 on it out as well.

Suddenly Gabby popped up behind him

''Hey, I will bring you home with the car, don't want you walking home in this weather, Boden said it was okay.'' Gabby said as she came to get him.

He grabbed along the stuff then and soon got ready to leave with Gabby. She brought him home quickly, made sure he was okay and knew she had to leave then to get back to work. She felt bad leaving him at home, feeling so miserable but tomorrow she would be back home here. Tomorrow he would also start the third round of chemo.

Walking inside the house after waving at Gabby, he started to feel so nauseous again and after sitting down for a while, hoping for it to go away. He walked to the bathroom to have a shower.

In the shower he looked down at his feet, his hands over his head and when he looked at his hands there was clumps of his blonde hair between his fingers.

Getting out of the shower, his mood that had been so uplifted by going to the firehouse and telling them that he and Gabby were expecting a baby, but now he was feeling bad again.

Looking in the mirror he let his hand go through his hair. It was getting so thinned out and every time he let his hand go through it, a lot of hair just fell out and was left in his hand.

Upset he look in the mirror, knew it was coming that he was going to have to shave it off. For weeks now he had still tried to keep it, not wanting to look even more sick, but now it was really going to far. Some patches were really gone now and he knew it was time to do something about it.

Gabby came running into the house the next morning. Because one of the calls and dropping off the patient at the hospital took a bit longer, they had to hurry to get to the hospital now. Instead of going to the hospital for Matt now, they had to go to the ultrasound.

''I am so sorry I am late!'' Gabby said as she came running in. Throwing her stuff on the table she grabbed the other bag of the table with the stuff they had to take to the hospital.

''Matt?'' Worried she looked around then as he was not answering her. Finally she found him on the couch in the living room. He had his face hidden in his hands, sobbing and worried she sat down beside him.

''Matt?'' she asked as she wrapped her arm around him.

''Sorry.''

''No, it's okay, talk to me.'' She said softly as she tried to pull his hands way, finally he moved his hands, looking miserable with his face pale and his eyes red.

''What is wrong?'' She asked him worried.

''I just feel so bad.'' He sighed then, ''and I am so tired.''

She wrapped her arms around him, trying to make him feel a little better. She took off the hoodie to caress him through his hair, looking in shock.

''I shaved it off.'' He mumbled softly.

Still a bit shocked, but knew it was coming, she kissed him on top of his head.

''It's gonna be okay.'' She promised him again. Holding him close she kissed him on top of his head again, Matt finally looking up again.

''Okay.'' He finally said and she helped him up. Hand in hand they walked to the car together. Hopefully she was right, and everything would finally look up for them again.

* * *

 **NOTE: Thank you so much for reading. We hoped you like this chapter and please do let us know what you think. Next chapter will hopefully be up soon and hopefully till then.**


	13. A little Glimpse

**Thank you so much for coming to read this chapter. We hope you like it and please le tus know what you thought at the end!**

* * *

 **Two weeks later**

Standing in the shower, Matt was so tired, but tried to get his mood up. It wasn't hard as he was finished with his round of chemo again and was slowly starting to feel a tiny bit better.

''Matt, we gotta leave soon.'' Gabby told him as she knocked on the bathroom door and he switched the shower off, reaching for the towel.

Getting out of the shower, he tried to get out of the bathroom as soon as possible. Although he had never been really vain he did hate to see himself like this. He looked, tired, worn out and he still hated he had lost his hair. After drying off just quickly he walked out of the bathroom.

''Sorry, had to go get that hair conditioner in.'' he joked as he walked from the bathroom back into the bedroom and grabbed some clothes from the closet.

''You are terrible you know.'' She told him as she looked at him getting dressed. Even though it was not a fun thing he had lost his hair, she was glad he could joke about it now. It made it all a bit easier and after pulling the truck 81 beanie over his head, they were ready to go.

''You are excited?''

''Yeah, today is going to be a good day in the hospital.'' He smiled then. Grabbing their stuff they made their way then to go to the hospital. But luckily this time it was not because he had to go through treatment again, or through scans. But this time because they were going to look at their little baby. At 12 weeks, they knew it was too early to find out the gender out it was exciting that they could see their baby.

Gabby was wearing a tight shirt and since a few days, he was sure he could see her stomach starting to bulge just a bit.

''I can drive if you like.'' He said then but she already sat down on the drivers side.''

''No, it's fine.'' She smiled and he got to the passengers side. Even though he wanted to be like nothing was up, she also knew that he still wasn't feeling well. He just wanted to try to really act like nothing was up now he was between chemos again and recovering, but she also did not want him to push himself.

She was holding his hand as they walked into the hospital. It was almost too familiar walking in here by now but today they didn't have to go where they had had to go the last few weeks, but to gynaecology instead.

They were called in by the doctor and after a short check up.

''I do want to ask your opinion on something.'' Matt told the doctor then, Gabby looking a bit worried.

''What is it?''

''I am going through chemo at the moment and my doctor told me it was okay as long as Gabby is careful around my eh..puke, but what do you think?''

''Hmm, I will go check with a coworker.'She nodded before leaving the office.

''Matt, what if we have to be apart now.'' Gabby hissed a bit angry.

''Then so it be, I can't be around you knowing I hurt our baby.'' He admitted.

Pinching his hand they looked as the doctor came walking back in.

''Well, if your doctor said that it shouldn't be a large danger, then I don't think it will be of big harm to the baby, you should only be careful cleaning up after him, as the other doctor said.''

Nodding, they were just glad to get a second opinion. Gabby laid down then for the ultrasound and both of them looked at the screen.

''There he or she is….'' the doctor smiled as they looked at the little baby. It was amazing to see that in such a short time a complete human had formed inside of Gabby. Proud Matt took her hand and looked over at the screen to see their little baby.

''Everything is looking well, so I will see you back at your 20 week scan, but please don't hesitate to contact me if you are worried about something.'' The doctor said as she handed back Gabby the card with appointments and the envelope with the picture.

Sharing a kiss he had his arm around her as they walking to the car. Seeing their little baby move and hearing everything was going well and that the baby was growing fine, it was the pick me up he had needed these last few weeks.

''So you still want to go to Violet and Christie?'' She checked as they left the parking lot in their car, not sure how he was feeling.

''Yeah.'' He mumbled then. Even though he had kept Christie updated on how he was doing, this was the first time he was going to see his sister and niece since the first round and he also new it would probably be a shock for them. But they had not told her about the baby as they wanted to tell her in person and they had all been busy the last few weeks.

''They will be so excited about the baby.'' Gabby smiled and he nodded, still holding the picture of the ultrasound.

''Yeah.''

She parked in their street and they got out. Walking to the door she could see he was a bit nervous to see his sister and niece, but a soon as his sister opened the door and hugged him that seemed to be gone.

Christie let them in and in the living room Violet was waiting for them as well. She looked a bit shocked at first but gave him a hug then.

''How are you?'' She asked concerned then.

''I am fine, don't you worry please.'' He told her as they sat down together.

''Mom said you are really sick.''

''The medication makes me really sick, but it's also going to make me better.'' He promised then.

Finally she nodded and suddenly hugged him again.

''I don't want to lose you.'' She said then.

''You won't lose me. I am going to be better; I promise.'' He told her then and Gabby looked at them talking from afar, giving him some place to talk with his niece.

Christie and Gabby joined them then and he sat against Gabby.

''Well, we also have some good news to tell you.'' He smiled then and Gabby nodded.

''Yes, we are expecting a baby.'' Gabby smiled, Violet and Christie looking excited and a bit surprised, Gabby taking the pictures from her bag as Christie hugged her brother.

''You are going to be great parents'.'' She nodded. But even though she said that now and she was really happy for the couple she also knew that it would be hard as there was so much uncertainty around Matt.

''How far along are you now?''

''12 weeks.'' Gabby smiled.

''I told her she was starting to show but I got a slap.'' Matt joked, Gabby prodding him in his side. They chuckled and Christie was also just so glad to see that her brother was joking and laughing.

Soon after Gabby could see that the excitement of the ultrasound and telling his sister and niece had really drained him and they got ready to leave.

Stopping along the way for some food, he chuckled a bit as Gabby had started eating so much, but it was also because she needed it.

Sitting down at home she had nearly finished her food, Matt barely touched his and she started eating some of it as well

''Not hungry?'' She asked concerned as even though he had tried to have lunch earlier, he was not eating a lot and she knew he was going to need it when he started chemo again.

''Nah not really feeling for food.'' He admitted. Even though he wasn't sick right now, he was still worried it was going to come up if he ate too much and he wasn't hungry. He hadn't been in what seemed forever now.

''You should though.''

''Yeah.''

Finally he started taking a few bites as well and after dinner they laid against each other.

''Either that is the hamburger or that is the baby.'' He smiled then, holding his hand on the slight bulge on her belly.

''Probably a bit of both.'' she chuckled.

''Sounds good to me...I love you.'' He said then, kissing her.

''I love you too.'' She mumbled then, so glad that everything was okay with the baby, as it gave them so much hope for the future again.

* * *

 **So this was another chapter of the story, we hope you did enjoy it and please let us know what you thought before leaving**


	14. Too stubborn

**We are so happy with all the response to this story! We really hope that you like this chapter as well and please le tus know what you think again. Please enjoy reading!**

* * *

 **Two weeks later**

Looking as Matt sat down in te chair for another day of chemo, she was not sure how long she was going to be okay with him being so stubborn.

''Come on Matt, this is not okay.'' Gabby hissed at him after the nurse had connected the line to the port in his chest again as he was on his third day of chemo. He looked like hell and she was getting concerned.

''It is normal I feel sick.'' Matt tried assure her again.

''Yeah but not this sick.'' She told him again as she helped him sit down. ''Í am going to talk to your doctor.''

''I feel fine - considering.'' He tried to assure her again.

''You look like hell and you were awake all night moaning in pain and throwing up!'' Gabby told him then.

''It is all normal.''

''It's not, I am going to talk to your doctor.''

Closing his eyes Matt looked as she looked away. She right, he probably did look like hell and he did feel really sick. But the thing was that he was terrified of having to stay here. It was the last thing that he wanted. He already felt like such a lousy husband to her and not being there for her would be even worse.

''Mr Casey?''

Opening one eye he saw his doctor standing beside the chair.

''Yeah?''

''How ya feelin'?'' he asked as he pulled his clipboard up from his side.

''Not so great, but considering the chemo, i'm fine.'' Matt said, Gabby rolling her eyes.

''We have decided to keep you here for the rest of your round.''The doctor told him then.

''But I don't want to stay.''

''Matt, it's for the best.'' Gabby took his hand. He wanted to object, but honestly he felt too tired for it. Closing his eyes again for a moment, he felt Gabby caressing his hand.

''I will make sure he will be take to a room as soon as possible.'' He heard the doctor say to Gabby. Opening his eyes just a little bit she sat down beside him again.

''It will be better for you if you stay here, they can help you with the pain and stuff.'' She said then.

''But i want to be with you.''

''I will be here with you.'' She promised him then. ''I will just go home to pick up some of your stuff now, okay?''

''Sounds good.''

Kissing him on his forehead again she left to get the car then. She knew his around was another 3 days, but took a bit more just to be sure. She hated having to leave him behind in the hospital as well, but also knew it was probably for the best for him.

Coming back to the hospital she was led to a room on the floor and he was in the bed, smiling just a bit at her then.

''Won't have to fight for the covers for the next few days.''

''Well you better be nice to nurses.'' She told him as she took some of the stuff out of his bag.

''I texted Kelly to tell him about being admitted, he promised to come by tonight.''

''That will be nice.'' She smiled at him. Hopefully now they got him on a drip with fluids and extra painkillers he would feel better soon.

Sitting down on the edge of his bed then, careful not to sit down on his legs, she took his phone of the nightstand then.

''We still have to look at that app you installed.''

''Huh?''

''The pregnancy calendar.'' She smiled at him, knew the chemo was making him forgetful.

''Oh yeah.'' He smiled. The book they had looked at earlier had an app as well, so they also checked the progress of their little baby with an app on his phone.

''Congratulations you have started your second trimester.'' She smiled as she started reading. ''The baby is now the size of a lemon.''

Reading some more of the information out loud, Matt laid his hand on the baby bump, that wasn't a lot more than a slight bulge, but enough to let them know that their baby was really on its way.

''Alright, enough, time for you get some rest.'' She told him then as she was done reading. Soon after he was asleep, Gabby got going home.

When he woke up again, Kelly was texting on his phone next to his bed.

''Sorry.'' He said softly as he was worried that his friend had been sitting here while he was asleep for a while.

''Hey, it's good you rest.'' Kelly told his friend.

Looking around he saw that instead of chemo, his central line was connected to other medication now and he just hoped that it was going to help him feel better, but already felt a little bit better than this morning.

''How are you feeling?''

''Felt better.'' Matt said, sure he could have lied about how he felt and that he did not feel so sick, but he also knew that that he didn't exactly look so good.

''It's not fair man.'' Kelly sighed.

''Life's not fair.'' Matt said with a wry smile. Kelly shook his friend though, seeing how much his friend had become worse in just barely two months. He had already lost a lot of weight, become pale and he still couldn't get used to his friend having lost his hair. Kelly saw his friend looked at him a little annoyed then as he saw the look of pity.

''I mean you always really want the ladies sympathy and attention but you really overreacted now Casey.'' Kelly joked.

''Oh stop it!'' Matt chuckled. It was kinda nice that Kelly could just joke about it.

''And shaving your hair was really a step too far.''

''Oh I have just made the game fair for you, I am not the one that is going grey!'' Casey said as he threw the half full water bottle Kelly's way. Laughing Kelly picked it up from the floor. Matt's laughing suddenly went into a coughing fit and worried he got up, helping his friend sit up to make breathing a bit easier.

''Don't die in my arms man.''

''Isn't that every woman's dream?'' Matt teased him softly, finally being able to breathe again as he laid back.

''Well I can't miss you.'' Kelly suddenly said, very serious.

''You won't have to.'' Matt said then, hating to see his friend so serious. ''I will be fine, I am sure. 50/50 are good chances and according to last weeks scan things are going well.''

''I know but it is scary man, and it is not fair! Do you know if it is because of the job?''

''I guess it could be...but I love the job too much to blame it on that.''

''I suppose so, but it is still not fair it had to be you.''

''Í know, but i will be fine, gotta keep positive, right?'' Matt tried to force a smile.

''Right, and I know you're going to be okay, a bad penny always turns up.''

Matt chuckled for a second, tiredness washing over him then and he yawned.

''Alright, I will leave you be.'' Kelly said as he got up.

''Sorry, I just get so tired.''

''No shame in that.''

Matt fell asleep almost as soon as his friend had walked out.

Waking up the next morning, he felt Gabby holding his hand and he looked up and smiled at her.

''Hey you.''

''Hey - the nurse just brought breakfast. How you feeling?'' She asked him as she kissed his forehead.

''Starting to feel a bit better.'' He admitted, pulling the tray a bit closer as he actually felt up for eating something.

''Really?'' She pulled up one eyebrow, knew how much he liked telling her that she was fine.

''Really.'' He promised her and she had to admit that he was starting to look a tiny bit better. She was telling him about the movie she had watched last evening as he was having breakfast.

''You know, I talked to Boden as well. When I am 24 weeks pregnant I will have to go on light duty...but Boden will make sure I can work until it is really not possible anymore, even if it means I will do some shifts in the office. But it will be good.'' She smiled.

''I hate you have to keep working so long because of me.'' He said then, feeling bad that she would have to keep working for as long as possible because he couldn't work and even though insurance covered a lot of his costs now he was on sick pay, but they would need the money for when the baby was born and she couldn't work. He felt really bad, wishing he could work for her instead of her having to work for him.

''It's okay, I just need you to get better.'' She smiled as she kissed him on his forehead. ''That is all that matters now.''

Moving a bit closer to the bed, she sat close to him.

''I am sorry though. I really am.'' He suddenly said and worried she caressed over his head, wrapping her arm around him.

''I know but you shouldn't be. It is going to be fine.'' She promised. Holding each other close, they knew that no matter what happened, with each other, it would be okay

* * *

 **NOTE: Thank you so much for reading this chapter. We know this was a bit of an emotional chapter but we hope you still liked it! Please le tus know what you think and hopefully till next chapter!**


	15. Home again

**NOTE: so here is chapter 15! We are really sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. Both of us have been really busy, but we hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

 **Three days later**

Matt was already on the edge of the bed when she walked inside to come pick him up. He was already dressed in a wide sweater, jeans and the truck 81 beanie that he was inseparable with now.

''Ready to go home I see.'' she said as she kissed him on his forehead. It had been a long 3 days without him at home, although she knew it had been better for him. He looked better than he did before going into the hospital.

''Yeah. Definitely.'' he nodded then. Walking over to him they shared a kiss and slowly he got off the bed. Matt wanted to tell the orderly that walked him to the door with a wheelchair that he could just walk fine but he wasn't sure of that anymore, like he was not sure about anything in his body anymore.

At the door he got up, his arm around Gabby as they made their way to the car.

''I can get the car and you can wait here?'' She offered.

''No, no stop it. I can walk.'' He said as he walked with her. Looking up at him she saw how tired he looked and how much weight he had lost, she did feel bad but was also great he was still so stubborn. She was pretty sure what kept him doing relatively well.

Sitting down into the car, he let out a deep sigh.

''Starting to feel like a grandpa.'' He mumbled then.

''Well, that will still be a while for this little one.'' Gabby joked as she rubbed over the slight baby bump.

Matt suddenly looked down and worried she turned the radio down.

''What is wrong?''

''Nothing, nothing.'' He just said then.

Looking out of the window he couldn't help but wonder if he was even going to make it to when their baby was born, even though the scans were looking good, it was still a fear on his mind.

She drove home and at home he laid down for a while, as she unpacking his back. Even though he tried to act everything was okay, just the talk to the car and getting dressed this morning had completely tired him out.

Getting the clothes he had had with him in the hospital in the washer.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and surprised she walked to the door. Opening the door then, Brett was standing there with Otis and Herrmann, carrying boxes and paper grocery bags.

''I heard from Kelly Matt came home again today. We all made some food for you guys and did some groceries, I mean...we hope we can make it a bit easier for you both.'' Brett said.

''That is so thoughtful, thanks so much!'' Gabby smiled as she let them in, them putting the food in the fridge and on the kitchen table.

The door to the kitchen opened and Matt peeked inside, woken up by the all the people talking and walking around.

''Hey, surprised to see you here.'' He smiled.

''Yeah we are on shift, but we thought we could quickly drive by.''

''Thanks, much appreciated.'' Matt smiled and he meant it. Even though he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to eat anything, it was such a thoughtful and kind thing from them to do.

''How are you feeling?'' Otis asked as were glad to see him.

''Happy to be home.'' Matt smiled.

''Well, we better head back to the firehouse, but it was great seeing you.'' Herrmann told him then.

''Likewise guys, hoping I can come by the firehouse soon again.'' Matt said and Gabby let them out. As Matt was looking at all the food on the cupboard, Gabby popped up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist.''

''That is an awful lot of food.'' He said as he turned around.

''We need to fatten you up.'' She teased him, kissing him on his cheek then.

They sat down for lunch and even though Matt did not feel really hungry, he tried to eat as much lunch as he could without feeling too sick, really appreciating the gesture of the firehouse as well as that he knew he needed it.

''Looks you had quite an appetite.'' Gabby smiled as she took the dishes to the sink.

''Hey I can do those.''

''Matt, you only came from the hospital this morning.''

''Well I feel okay enough...I am not going to play the cancer card every time.'' He said as he started to do the dishes, Gabby standing beside him, worried.

''Mat-''

''I just don't want you to do everything! You do so much for me and I am starting to feel so worthless.'' He said a bit upset then, but finishing the dishes.

''You are not worthless, you are sick, and it's okay to acknowledge that.'' She said..

''It should also be okay to acknowledge when I do feel good enough for.'' He said. ''I am not a china doll.''

''I know, I know...I am just worried about you….and I don't mind taking care of you, cause i love you.'' She said then and he kissed her on her forehead.

''That really sweet of you...and maybe we just have to get used to this all too.''

She nodded then and he looked outside, the weather sunny.

''Maybe we can go for a walk I feel bad just sitting inside all day...and I actually feel pretty okay'' He admitted.

''Yeah, of course.'' She smiled, glad he was starting to feel a bit better. ''Where do you wanna go?''

''Maybe towards the boardwalk by the lake? It will be nice to see the skyline again?'' He said then ands he nodded. Walking to the car they parked by the boardwalk then and got out. Holding hands they walked by the lake. It was going a lot slower than usual but he was happy to be here. After all the days inside in the hospital it was nice to be here. Looking at the skyline from afar, he realised how much he missed his live there with Gabby. Now all the places they seemed to be were home and the hospital.

Even though Matt was the one that had wanted to go, he was tired out pretty quickly, but sitting together here, outside, was already nice.

''Thank you so much for how much you have been here for me.'' He said then. ''I mean...it's not nothing...and I don't know what I would do without you.''

''Ofcourse, i love you so much.'' She smiled.

''I know, but still-''

''We are married, and I will be here every step of the way...and I can't wait to see you as a dad.'' She smiled.

''Me neither, and you are going to be such a great mom.'' He said then, although he also felt a bit heavy saying it. Even though he tried to be positive, he was still worried where he was going to be in 6 months.

''Want to walk on?''

''I'm already tired, sorry.''

''Hey, that is perfectly normal.'' She smiled then and hand in hand they walked back to the car.

''It was great to be out there though.'' He said as they drove home.

Later that night, sitting on the couch together they were watching a movie then.

''Hey, come here.'' Matt suddenly said and Gabby laid down against him, carefully. Wrapping his arms around her with his hands on the baby bump, he kissed her on top of her head then.

''I'm really sorry you have to go through all of this.'' He said then.

''Hey don't even say that, you didn't chose for this, and you are the man I married.''

''Yeah, but I wish things would be different.''

''i think we all do, but there is nothing we can do about it.'' She told him then.

Laying against each other they dozed off a bit then, but neither wanting to get up to go bed, not wanting to ruin how they loving and comfortable they were now. Holding each other close, no matter what, they had to get through this shit time. Gabby looked up at him then, Matt having his arms wrapped around her again and his hands around the baby bump and a smile on his face. Laying back against his chest again, she knew it was going to be okay over time. It had to be.

* * *

 **Note: thank you so much for reading this chapter and still being interested in the rest of this story! We hope you enjoyed this chapter, please let us know what you thought about it! Next chapter dawsey get to see their baby for the first time and find out their gender, but also big news for Matt! Hopefully till next chapter and thanks again!**


	16. News

Smiling as Matt was standing in front of her, she looked at him.

He was looking a lot better since a few days. Even though he still didn't feel really great, some colour seemed to have come back in his face and although patchy and still super short, his hair was growing back a bit as well.

''Want to go for some coffee before we head to the hospital?'' Gabby asked as he was grabbing his jacket.

''Yeah, that sounds good.'' He nodded and they walked to the car. Since 3 weeks he had been done with chemo for now and she was really glad for that. Finally he seemed to get more positive and cheerful again, as well as feeling less crap.

Driving past the coffee shop through the drive through she ordered 2 coffee and a donut.

''You want one too?'' she asked as she turned around at Matt.

''Yeah, I will have one. We have something to celebrate today anyway.'' He smiled as he took it from her as the girl in the drive through handed it to her.

''Oh what then?'' She smiled as they waited for their coffee to be handed over.

''Well my results are going to be good and we are going to see our baby.'' He smiled and she nodded.

''Yeah, yeah.''

They shared a quick kiss before taking the coffee and parking in the parking lot to have the coffee and donuts.

''Glad that appetite is coming back too.''

''Yeah, me too.'' Matt smiled before biting into the donut.

''And i get to eat for 2'' Gabby laughed as she caressed over the baby bump.

''Yeah, I can't wait to see the baby again.'' Matt smiled, caressing over the baby bump as well.

She pulled him a bit closer and kissed him on his growing hair.

''Hey, let's go, before we are late.'''He said then, seeing the clock on the dashboard from the corner of his eyes

Parking by the hospital again, they got out of the car then and hand in hand, they walked to the entry. Even though they would be here for a while again today, it was for good purposes. First he was going to meet with his oncologist to get the results of the skin that was made a few days prior now that he was done with multiple rounds of chemo, as well as an ultrasound now that Gabby was 20 weeks pregnant.

Walking to the office of his oncologist first, they could go in immediately and Matt sat down, feeling a bit nervous. Even though he still didn't feel all good, he was feeling better now than before since it had been a few weeks since the chemo. He just hoped that the chemo had also helped with the tumours and that they would get good news today.

His scans were already on the table and after some formalities, the doctor held them up then.

''The tumours in your lung have shrunk a bit since you started chemo.''

Gabby smiled at him, as it was great news.

''Does that mean I can get the surgery now?''

''When you do a few more rounds of chemo we will do a scan again and see if the surgery is on the table then.''

''What would the surgery mean?'' Matt asked a bit worried. With it all being pushed forward, he was scared that he would still be really sick when the baby would be born.

''As can be seen on the scan, the tumours are concentrated in your left lung. It would mean that we would remove a part of your lung. We can do that as long as the tumours still shrink a bit and it doesn't spread.''

Matt nodded slowly. It was far away, but he hoped that that would make him all better.

''It would be a big surgery though and it would also depend on how well you would be able to take it then. ''

''Okay.''

''For now, everything is looking really well. So in 2 weeks you are starting chemo again, and then after the 4 rounds we will make a scan again.''

Matt nodded. Even though he did not look forward to it, he knew it was helping and that all that mattered. He had to get better for the baby and for Gabby.

Soon after they walked to the ward where the ultrasound was going to be and they walked in.

''Oh look at you.'' The doctor smiled, remembering the couple vividly because of Matt asking about the chemo, and glad to see they were doing well.

After some general check up questions it was finally time to see their baby and Gabby got her shirt up, so excited.

''Okay, please lay down.''

Gabby did so, Matt sitting down beside her as the doctor put the lights off and got ready to start the ultrasound.

''So you are excited to see your baby?''

''Very!'' Gabby smiled.

''Have you started getting the nursery ready yet?''

''Not yet.'' Matt admitted, Gabby feeling a bit bad as she knew he had really wanted to start it, but he had not been feeling well at all.

''Well, there is still plenty of time.'' The doctor smiled as she did some measurements.

''See, there is the head, and there is a little arm, looks like the baby is waving at you.'' The doctor smiled then and Gabby chuckled softly Matt just looking in awe.

''Would you like to know the gender?''

''Yes please.'' Gabby smiled.

''It's going to be a little boy.''

Matt pinched Gabby's hand. Even though he didn't really care if it was going to be a boy or a girl, it was great news that everything was looking well, and it was exciting they were going to have a little son.

They spend a bit more time checking everything and looking at their baby and they got some prints, Matt looking at them again as they walked to the car.

''Today was great.'' Gabby smiled as they drove home.

''Yeah.'' Matt said, being silent then.

''Gabby, you have to promise me one thing.'' He suddenly said on the way back.

''What is it?''

''Uhm...can you promise that if I don't make it...you name the baby Matt?'' He said, looking out of the window, feeling a bit bad for throwing this on her.

''Matt, don't say that. You are going to be fine.'' She shook her head. ''You heard the doctor today. Your scan is looking good..and you will make it, I am sure.''

''Yeah, I mean, I just think about it sometimes.'' He admitted.

''I get that, but the scans are looking good….and you are going to beat this, even before the baby will be here.'' She promised him and finally he nodded.

''Yeah, our little baby boy.'' He smiled then.

''Our little boy.'' Gabby smiled as she parked in the driveway, pulling him closer and kissing him. The long way they still had to go suddenly seemed a bit shorter with his results being good and they were even more excited to welcome their little son in their arms.

* * *

 **NOTE: Thank you so much for coming to read this chapter. we really hope you like this chapter! We hope you can leave us a review with what you think and hopefully till next chapter!**


	17. Spencer

**Note: Hello everybody, so a small heads up that due to being busy, me and Literally Dawsey decided that I will be finishing this story alone. We planned out a lot of the story together so please give her major credit like that. it is a shame as I really enjoyed writing with her, but real life always has priority and she's going to have to rock that first now! No worries, the story is still going to be finished as planned!**

* * *

3 weeks later

* * *

''See you.'' Matt said as he kissed Gabby on her temple, walking out then to meet Kelly in the car.

Gabby got up then, hands on the baby bump. She couldn't believe how fast it was growing and also how quick their baby boy was growing inside there.

The last few weeks they had been talking about possible names for their little baby, but not decided on one so far. But it did keep their mind of the chemo he was going through again and also kept them both cheerful.

Kelly went to the chemo with him and looked a bit worried at his friend as they connected the IV to the port, pricking it through the thin skin over the port.

''oww.'' Matt sighed shortly but knew it was easier than getting the needle placed in his arm every time and soon he knew he was up for another 2 hours.

''Getting used to this?'' Kelly asked and Matt shook his head.

''Never.''

But it was nice his friend had come with him as it made the almost three hour wait seem a lot shorter and soon enough he was cleared to go. After the line was disconnected and they taped off the line against his chest so it could be used tomorrow again, he and Kelly left to go talk to his oncologist. Even though it was just for a talk about the surgery, he hadn't let Gabby knew for now. She was so stressed already with the pregnancy. The last few weeks she had even had some minor Braxton hicks and it had worried him and everybody around them so much Kelly had promised to be with him more often not to take some pressure of Gabby. Since the last ultrasound she had also been on light duty and while she still worked in the firehouse now, she took less ambulance call until there was a sure replacement.

He felt so guilty that she even had to keep working at all now. He saw it was draining her and he wished he could make it better, but even though he said it would be okay for her to stop working, he also knew that the medical bills had to be paid. Their insurance through the CFD did cover a big part, but not all. He had opted taking a loan but she didn't want them to end up in debt.

And even though he really wished it was different, it was admirable how strong she was through all of this and it only made him love her more.

Kelly was holding his friend by his elbow as they walked towards the doctor's office. His friend seemed a bit lightheaded and the last thing he wanted was for him to fall. Sitting down in the waiting room

''You don't feel sick?'' Kelly asked worried.

''Probably tonight.''

''Shit man.''

''As long as it helps.'' Matt said, trying to stay positive, when they were called in by his oncologist.  
Sitting down, the man asked about he and Gabby were, Matt just keeping to the formal answers of them both being okay, considering.

''You wanted some more information about the surgery, right?

''Yeah, I mean I know its still far away…but I like to know about it.''

''I am here to tell you about it, don't worry.'' The doctor said and Matt nodded.

''Let me just get your last scan up.'' The doctor said and Kelly looked a bit nervous. He had tried to keep up to date with everything his friend was going through and ofcourse he knew it was very real for his friend, but seeing the scans made it even more real for him too.

''You can see the tumours right here, here and here.'' The doctor said after turning the screen and Matt nodded.

''Basically, we will remove this whole part of your lung.''

''Sounds simple enough, but what does that mean for after the surgery?'' Matt asked. He really wanted to know what it was going to mean as he did want to be able to take care of Gabby and their baby when it was so far.

''It would have an impact on your life. You won't be able to go back to firefighting, you'd tire out easily and it will take a long time to recover, as well as a lot of pain. But I think it would give you a great chance of being cancer free after the surgery.''

Slowly Matt nodded. It would have a big impact, but it also meant that he had a big chance of beating this and seeing his son grow up.

''Okay.'' Matt nodded then.

''Think about it. Only when you finish these rounds of chemo we can look at the scans and say more surely if you can have the surgery or not, but for now this seems to be the best option.''

Matt nodded slowly.

''Thanks for the information.''

''let me know if you have any more questions.''

''Thanks.''

Kelly brought him and coming home he saw Gabby was also back from her shopping trip.

''Hey, I am home!'' He yelled as he walked in and Gabby came walking his way.

''Hey you.''

She kissed him quickly and took his hand then, dragging him along to the kitchen.

''You did some good shopping with Brett?'' He asked curious and she showed him the bag full.

''Yeah I got some clothes, stuff he will need for in the crib and some of the stuff for his dressing table.''

''Sounds like a good shopping trip.''

''Yeah...and I got this...I mean for while your hair is gone...and I got the same for the baby.'' She smiled as she got the knitted beanies out.

''Thank you, will keep my head warm.'' He smiled as he took it, took the truck 81 beanie off and pulled it over his head, Gabby having a bit of a sad smile now.

''Hey, it will grow back.'' He smiled then and she nodded.

''Yeah...oh it will be cute that you both have the same one.'' She smiled as she caressed him over his cheek.

''So I was thinking about a baby name while I was waiting during the chemo and Kelly was stuffing his face in the cafeteria.'' Maat chuckled and Gabby nodded excited.

''Wait what, Kelly left you alone for food?''

''Well, he was going to get me something too, but I didn't eat it. He did.'' Matt shrugged and she chuckled.

''What was the name you were thinking about then?''

''What do you think of Spencer?'' Matt smiled.

''Oh, i actually really like that name.''

''Think about it nothing has to be decided now.'' He smiled and she nodded.

That night in bed, he laid with his arm around her, Gabby curled up and finally asleep. Feeling a bit sick, he wasn't able to fall asleep, but laying in bed together with the love of his life made it a whole lot easier.

He couldn't help but also think about everything the doctor had told him today. He had hoped that even after beating this, life would be normal again. But he knew after the surgery nothing would be normal anymore. Maybe he had been naïve, thinking that this was just something temporary.

Gabby shifted a bit and he turned on his side as well, laying against her but as soon as he laid comfortable again, he rushed to the bathroom.

Leaning on the sink he was worried dinner was coming up, but after a few minutes of nothing, he turned around to go back to bed.

''Something wrong.'' Gabby asked, sitting up in bed.

''Just a bit sick, don't worry.'' He said as he walked back to bed.

He sat down again and Gabby kissed him on his cheek.

''He is being really active, feel.'' Gabby said and Matt put his hand on the baby bump, feeling some movement under it.

''Spencer is a bit hyperactive.'' He chuckled then.

''Hey, I did not agree on that name yet!'' She laughed back.

''Oh, you don't like it?'' He asked worried.

'''No, no I do…I think…I think Spencer is a perfect name.'' She smiled then.

Cuddling, holding each other, they had many dreams about the future, hoping that they would also come true.

* * *

 **NOTE: and here is the next chapter! I hope you liked this chapter with a decision on the name. Next chapter is going to be a very positive one so I hope you want to read more! Next chapter should be up very soon and hopefully till then, please don't forget to leave a review! X**


	18. The babyshower

**One week later**

* * *

Kelly and Matt walked into Molly's, Hermann already there.

Today Matt had arranged that he and Sylvie could host a baby shower for Gabby here. It was his idea and something he really wanted to do as a small thank you for all she did for him.

They had just gone to clothes shop as Matt wanted to look his best today, but since he had lost a lot of weight and muscle in the last few months, most of shirts had become too big. But he had found a new one and after putting it on the back, he actually did look a lot better now he found something that finally fit him.

Helping Kelly and Herrmann put the decorations up, the men looked at him a bit insure.

''I am fine.'' Matt assured them.

''You don't look okay.'' Herann said brutally honest.

''Sit down man.'' Kelly told his friend. Two days ago he had finished his round again and even though he wanted to do everything again, he was tired and still didn't feel all himself again. It was waiting now for the scan next week and the results of that. But tonight he wasn't going to think about that, tonight was for Gabby.

''Yeah, come on, sit down.'' Herrmann said and finally Matt did sit down on one of the chairs.

''She is not going to be here for another hour.'' Kelly assured him as he was going to pick up Gabby.

''I know, I just want tonight to be perfect after all she did for me.'' Mat sighed.

''It will be.'' Kelly promised.

The door opened and Brett came in carrying a large box.

''I got the cake.''

''Nice one.'' Matt smiled as she put it down.

''How are you feeling?'' She asked concerned.

''Alright.'' Matt smiled, not really wanting to talk about it.

They prepared the bar a bit more, Matt mostly sitting down as he was tired, but grateful that his friends were helping him. Otis and Cruz already arrived a bit early, and soon everybody would gather.

''Alright, we will go get Gabby.'' Kelly said, Brett coming along with him.

''What were you going to say to her again about why she has to come?'' Matt asked as they hadn't talked about that.

''uh, something about you probably.'' Kelly shrugged.

''Don't you dare to worry her though.'' Matt warned his friend. ''We don't need her more stressed.''

''On it.'' Brett promised.

He sat down by the bar with the guys, waiting for them to come back with Gabby.

''So how are you doing.''

''Good, I mean, as good as I can wish for. Have a scan in a few days and then the results again and if the tumours shrunk again a surgery may be possible.'' He told them, not really wanting to talk about it but they cared about him so it was normal to tell them how things were going.

''That is good, hey, you're going to beat this, I am sure.''

''Me too.''

''Let's not talk about my cancer today though…it shouldn't be the focus. Today should be about Gabby and the baby…not me.''

''Ofcourse man.'' They all agreed.

The door opened and Gabby stepped in, putting her hands over her mouth in shock.

''What is this?'' She asked surprised.

''Hey, it's a surprise, for you.'' He said before kissing her.

''Wow.'' She smiled, the bar so beautifully decorated.

'''What can I get you?'' Herrmann smiled from the bar, Gabby still a bit overwhelmed.

''Ehm, just some water.'' She smiled.

Brett and Otis helped Matt giving out the cake and Gabby was laughing at him.

''This is a massive surprise.''

''Well, it was supposed to be.''

''So, care to share what you guys are having?'' Brett smiled at the parents to be.

''We are expecting a little boy.'' Gabby smiled proud then.

They were handed some gifts the firehouse had bought together, like some supplies they would need, some neutral clothes and even a carrier with a frame so it could be used as a stroller.

Sitting together, they chatted, catching up on everything and having a good time together.

Looking at Gabby, Matt was so glad to see her smile. She was almost beaming with happiness, her hands on the baby bump every now and then and he wasn't sure if he had ever seen more beautiful that right now.

After a while, Matt walked into the kitchen and storage room. Sitting down on one of the tables there, he checked if the plaster was still over the port as the last thing he wanted as getting another new shirt. As much as he loved being here with everybody, he was getting worn out quickly, so it was nice to just sit here in peace for a moment.

It was great seeing Gabby so cheerful and he was glad he could do this for her. It was the least thing she deserved after being so good to him.

The door opened and Gabby came walking towards him.

Smiling at Matt, she was so grateful that he had done this for her.

''Hey, the party is out there.'' He smiled.

''I know, I just came to check on my amazing husband.'' She told him as she kissed him.

''I am glad I could do this for you.'' Matt told her, still smiling.

''Why aren't you out there?'' She asked a bit worried then.

''Just needed a moment.'' He admitted. ''But don't worry about me…I want today to be about you, not me or cancer.''

She nodded then

''You look great.'' She smiled then, her hands sliding down his arms.

''Kelly took me shopping.'' He laughed.

''But you picked it out?''

''Nah, I got some help from the shop personnel.'' He chuckled and she laughed as well, knew he was not really great at shopping.

''Okay, see you back there when you feel like it.'' She said, kissing him on his forehead again and going back inside the bar.

They sat around talking until dinner, mostly about the firehouse and Matt and Gabby's upcoming baby.

After dinner arrived to the bar and they had dinner all together, most of them left and even though Matt wanted to help clean up the bar, but Kelly brought him and Gabby home instead. At home they put all thes tuff in the room that was still going to be made in a nursery for their little baby. Even though Matt wanted to do it himself, there was no way now but he and Kelly would start on it in 2 weeks.

Even though it was still early, they settled for watching a movie in bed, both of them pretty tired after the eventful afternoon.

''Did you have a good time?'' He asked as they laid down in bed.

''Yeah, it was great…it's amazing that Spencer will not just have us, but the whole family at the firehouse as well.''

''I know.'' Matt smiled and they shared a kiss, his hands on the baby bump, so excited for the moment their son was finally going to be here.

* * *

 **NOTE: and here is the next chapter! I hope you liked this chapter! Next chapter should be up very soon and hopefully till then, please don't forget to leave a review! X**


	19. When it get's too much

**So here is the next chapter again! I hope you like this one as it is an emotional one for Matt and Gabby! Please let me know what you think when you are done reading and please enjoy!**

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Dr Weller had explained so much about the surgery, but Matt and Gabby were still not sure if they could all take it in.

''It is a big and dangerous surgery, and it is good to think about it before making that decision.'' Dr Weller told him and Matt nodded. He was still holding Gabby's hand.

''When could it happen?''

'''To make sure that the tumours stay in the one part of your lung and possible shrink them a bit more, now it is still successful, it will be good if we give you three more rounds of chemo, after you have least 6 weeks to recover and build strength before the surgery.''

''And how long is the recovery?''

''That would be weeks, months. It will take time to adjust to having less lung capacity, it is a big surgery that will take a toll on you.''

Matt nodded understanding. He knew that it was a big surgery, but it could also make him better and with hi and Gabby would soon become parents, he just wanted to be around for many more years to see his son grow up and be with Gabby, tighter as a family.

After getting some more information, they got back to the car and Gabby sat down in the car with a big sigh, hands on the baby bump.

''What is wrong?''

''It is just a lot.''

''I know, thank you for coming though.''

She gave him a small smile, driving home then.

''Matt, you have to do it.'' She said then and he nodded, absent, not really wanting to talk about it again.

''I know…it's just…if the surgery happens within 10 weeks…it means it's right before your delivery, and I don't want to you to get stressed about it.''

''I will be stressed about it either way.''

She parked the car and they walked inside.

''I just want to have a think about it, okay? It's my life and a lot is going to chance, and I also want to see what will be best for you and our baby.'' Matt said then and Gabby nodded understanding, walking inside, he hugged her then.

''It is going be okay, I promise okay?'' He said then, holding her close and burying his face in her neck.

''I know – oh he's kicking!''

''You need to stop hurting your mom!'' Matt laughed as he let go, laying his hands on the baby bump then.

''Ugh, he is making me so sore anyway.'' Gabby complained for a second then. Her back was so sore as well and sleeping was hard on her, but the last thing she wanted was to complain with everything she was going through.

''Well, it is my turn to make diner.'' He said and as she was in the living room on her phone, he made diner for the both of them and even though he wasn't hungry at all, he did it for Gabby and the baby she was carrying knew she needed a good meal and soon they had had diner, Gabby doing the dishes.

Standing by the sink, her back hurting and Spencer kicking again, she tried to move a bit to get more comfortable, but everything was hurting and since she was getting pretty huge, the belly was in the way. Upset she threw a spoon in the water and cursed upset.

''What is wrong?'' Matt asked worried, looking around from the living room.

''Just getting frustrated.'' She mumbled as she walked his way.

''Hey, come here you.'' He smiled then and pulled her down on the couch, Gabby sitting down and carefully he wrapped his arms around her. He laid his hands on her lower back then and massaging her lower back carefully, feeling bad that she was having so much trouble by carrying their son.

''Oh that is good.''

''Well you are being a champ, and I am sorry our son is making it so hard on you.'' He said, rubbing her back and after a while she laid down against him again.

''It will all be worth it when he is here.'' She smiled as she caressed over the baby bump.

''Come on, you sit down, I will finish the dishes.'' He said as he got up, kissing her on her forehead and walking to the kitchen then.

As he walked back to the living room, Gabby was sitting in the corner of the couch and crying then.

''Hey, what is wrong?'' He asked worried, sitting close to her and laying his arm around her.

''I just… I am scared about what is going to happen to us and what will change for us.'' She cried and he wrapped his arms around her.

''I am so sorry you feel scared because this all….it is all going to be okay though.''

''I am sorry for feeling this way.''

''That is totally normal.'' He said and he cupped her face in his hands then, kissing her.

''Stupid pregnancy hormones.'' She laughed a bit then, still crying and he smiled for a second, but kissing her again then as he also know it was partly to blame on him and everything that was going on.

''And you know the sporting class for pregnant moms that I attended? I hated it cause they were all so happy being pregnant and I have not had that feeling at all…I am excited to be a mom but I have not enjoyed this pregnancy at all because I am always stressed.'' She spilled then, still crying.

''I don't know what to say Gabby…I am so sorry for throwing all of this on you and giving you so much stress…but I want you to know I love you so much and without you…I don't know what I would do. And little Spencer growing inside of you? He is going to be lucky that he gets to have you as his mom.''

Finally Gabby dried her tears and smiled through the tears.

''And I know how excited you are to be a mom…and I am so sorry you are not enjoying this pregnancy…but I want you to know you look beautiful like this and like I said, you are going to be the best mom.''

She smiled again and Matt held her close. He hated hearing this, he wanted her to be happy and it was so sad that she felt this way and he wished that he could make it better immediately, but there is nothing he could do to change it at the moment.

''You know, with the surgery coming up, I have to build up strength and I promise I will do more around the house. Speaking about, I am going to make you something delicious.'' He promised, kissing her and getting up then.

In the kitchen he made her a delicious smoothie and grabbed some snacks, sitting down with her again. He knew just this wouldn't make it up, but he hoped that he could make her feel a bit better.

''You know, I texted with Kelly about finishing the nursery while making dinner, before I start the chemo again and we will start tomorrow.''

''That is great.'' She smiled, holding him close. She knew that it would not get easier any time soon, but he tried his best, and so did she. It had to be okay, she was sure of that.

Even if it was not easier, they were married and they had to get through this together.

* * *

 **NOTE: and here is the next chapter! I hope you liked this chapter! Next chapter should be up very soon and hopefully till then, please don't forget to leave a review! X**


	20. Nursery

**The next morning**

Matt walked to the door as the doorbell rang and greeted Kelly at the door. Gabby was out with Sylvie to have lunch, coffee and go for a walk as Matt and Kelly were going to work on the nursery.

''Feeling up for it?'' Kelly asked his friend concerned as he didn't look to good and Matt nodded.

''Yeah, feeling decent, just didn't sleep well.'' He admitted.

''Well, you got me here.'' Kelly smiled.

''Want to have some coffee first?'' Matt asked and Kelly nodded.

They walked to the kitchen and Matt made the coffee wanted to carry them over to the table. Suddenly he felt lightheaded and just in time Kelly took the mugs from him, seeing his friend nearly dropping them.

''Let me get that.'' Kelly told his friend and Matt sat down, was glad his friend took it over from him.

''Sorry, just lightheaded.''

''Happens more often?''

''Yeah.'' Matt mumbled, ''Stupid chemo made me all sorts of messed up.''

''You already were.'' Kelly joked, causing them both to let go of a laugh. Matt really needed Kelly to joke to him, it made everything else a lot easier.

''So me and Gabby went to meet with my oncologist yesterday after last weeks scans and it's looking good, so I can have the surgery in 10 weeks.''

''That is great news!'' Kelly smiled as he put the coffee down in front of Matt.

''Yeah, yeah I guess.''

''Not good?'' Kelly asked concerned as he thought his friend would be really happy about this news, but now he seemed mostly unhappy with it.

''I don't know. It is going to change a lot of me. I won't be able to go back to job and it will take a long time to recover. I know it is the best thing as it could make me better, but it is also dangerous and Gabby will be 37 weeks pregnant. I don't even want to think about how it would be for her if the surgery wouldn't go well.''

''You can't think like that, it's lifesaving.''

''Yeah, but what about Gabby? –''

''I think all Gabby needs is for you to get better, even if that means you have to go through a dangerous surgery.'' Kelly said and Matt shrugged.

'''She will have the baby right after and I won't be able to look after myself, let alone a baby.''

''Then we will work something out. The most important thing is that you get better. The job is only a job and your life is much more important.''

''That is easy to say when you life isn't on the line.''

''The surgery could save your life right? It would mean you are no longer sick and that you get to spend many more years with Gabby and your son.''

''I know, I know and I know it is ridiculous I am doubting but for the first time in my life I am actually scared to die.'' Matt admitted then.

''That is not ridiculous.''

''It is when you used to run into burning buildings for a living.'' Matt said with a bit of a smile because of the irony.

''Well, that is different… but the surgery will go well and save your life, I am sure.'' Kelly said and Matt nodded.

''As soon as I sign in for the surgery, I am starting chemo again for 3 rounds to prepare for the surgery and then get some weeks to strengthen up.''

Kelly nodded understanding. He knew it was going to be a tough one for his friend but he also knew his friend was a tough one.

Finally they got up to work to the nursery.

Even though there was not a lot of work to be done on the painting, as it was already a nice room with a nice light brown on the walls, they still had to put together the furniture and as most of it was already bought, they started putting it together.

Getting a bit hot, Matt pulled off the hood, Kelly still not being used to his friend's barely growing hair.

''Not growing well, is it?''

''At least I am not going grey!'' Matt teased his friend back and he looked at the manual for the bookshelf again.

Kelly laughed and shook his head. He hoped Matt stayed so positive as he would need it.

After the furniture they moved on to putting some shelves on the wall and used to doing it, Matt held it up, trying to drill the holes.''

Struggling to hold the shelf in place, Kelly took it over from him.

''Sit down for a minute if you like, I can take care of this.''

Even though Matt wished he could do everything, he knew he had to take it easy and sitting down, he looked as Kelly was finishing putting up the shelves.

Soon they were nearly done and just in time, Gabby came walking in. Taking a deep breath and getting up then, Matt walked to his wife and kissed her.

''Had a good day?''

''Yeah, you and Kelly?''

''Come look at the nursery.'' Matt smiled as he took her hand and Kelly was glad to see his friend so cheered up now that they got the nursery done.

''Oh I love it!'' Gabby exclaimed when she saw it, so proud of her husband and Kelly for getting it done in one day.

''Nothing needs to be changed?''

''No, it is perfect.'' She smiled, taking it in for a few more minutes. She couldn't wait to put all of the stuff for the baby in here.

''Come on, I brought dinner.'' Gabby said and they all sat around the table.

Kelly saw his friend nearly falling asleep at the table and left as soon as dinner was done.

Concerned Gabby looked at his plate, Matt having barely touched his food.

''I am just going to take a shower.'' He said, getting up then, Gabby clearing the table.

''Sure.''

As she was done she decided to go check on him, not sure if he was doing okay, given he barely ate anything and seemed so tired.

Walking into the bedroom she found him on the bed instead of the shower.

''Hey you're not going to shower?'' Gabby asked surprised, Matt still dressed, but laying on bed.

''I am absolutely wiped out.'' Matt admitted then. ''Honestly too tired to get up.''

''Well that is understandable.'' Gabby smiled and kissed him on his forehead. ''Thank you so much for finishing the nursery. It definitely took some of my stress away.''

''That is all I need to hear.'' He smiled back.

''I really am really grateful you did it.'' She smiled as she took his shoes from his feet, Matt turning on his back then.

''I talked with Kelly about the surgery…and I know you and Kelly want me to say yes…I am really scared.'' He admitted to her, Gabby carefully putting his shoes down on the ground, not breaking eye contact.

''I uhm…I don't know what to say, Matt.''

''That is okay…and I will do it…but I am just scared.'' He admitted and she moved closer to him.

''I understand that Matt...and I am scared to lose you too…but I also know that the surgery will go well. I believe that…but I am scared that if you don't do the surgery, I will lose you a lot faster.'' She admitted as she took his hand in hers.

''Then I need to go sign in for that surgery.'' He said. He knew it was still dangerous, but Gabby was right, if he wouldn't do it, it was for sure she was going to lose him.

She laid down and he wrapped his arm around her.

Both of them had no idea what they could say to make anything better, as it wasn't going to be better. But at least they had each other, even if they were both scared for the future.

Holding her close, he knew it was wha the had to do

But either way, he was so scared.

* * *

 **NOTE: and here is the next chapter! I hope you liked this chapter! Next chapter is hopefully up very soon, if not before Thursday I will be traveling and it will be a few days. However, till hopefully till the next chapter! Please don't forget to leave a review! X**


	21. Nancy

**Two weeks later**

Gabby walked into the hospital. It was two weeks since Matt had signed into the surgery and he was in his second round of chemo now to prepare him for the surgery. Even though he had wanted to stay home, the doctor had said it was better if he would have them in the hospital, as they were too worried he was going to get sick before the surgery. He was in there for a week now and she missed him so much at home, knowing it was going to be another two weeks before he would even come home, but knew it was for the best.

She walked into his room and saw him reading on the bed.

''Hey you.'' Matt smiled, putting the book aside as Gabby walked to the bed and kissed him.

''How are you feeling?'' She asked worried as she knew he was on day 2, usually one of the worse days.

''Decent enough. I am glad you are here, you look great.'' He smiled as she grabbed a chair and sat down.

''I am starting to feel huge.'' She sighed.

Even though her baby bump had been growing steadily the last weeks, it seemed to have gone really fast the last two weeks and it was starting to get even more annoying now. Although she was glad they were going to have a family and was really happy, she was starting to get a bit annoyed with being pregnant.

''Got a text from my mum she is coming by today, might be tonight before she is here'' Matt said then, looking anxious to see what her reaction was.

''From Kansas City?''

''Yeah.''

''Well finally!'' Gabby huffed.

''Gabby!'' Matt frowned at her.

''All she has sent you is a card!'' Gabby exclaimed.

''I think it's nice she will at least come see me before the surgery, she is my mum you know.'' Matt said a bit annoyed now. Even though he had not always been on the best terms with his mom, especially now that she didn't live near anymore, he was glad he got to see her.

''Okay, okay. I mean she is your mum but we haven't seen her since the wedding.''

''It's expensive enough for her to come here all the way from and she works 7 days a week. Not that weird it took her a while.'' Matt said, a bit upset with Gabby now. ''If it was your mom you would have understood.''

''Fine, fine. Maybe I a bit hard on her I just don't want her to hurt you again.'' Gabby explained. ''Especially not now.''

A nurse came walking in as Matt was done with the chemo for today.

''That was the chemcocktail for today.'' The nurse smiled.

''I don't like the hangover.'' Matt joked as the nurse disconnected the line for now.

''Actually, I think my wife and I are going to have some lunch in the cafeteria.'' Matt smiled and he sat up a bit more, glad it was done again for today.

''Well, I think you'd fare better with the food here.''

''Okay then, will stay here, in bed.'' Matt mumbled back as the nurse left.

''She is probably right Matt, don't overdo it.''

He sighed a bit and she got up. ''I will grab some lunch and bring it up, want me to take you something.''

''No, let me wait for that delicious hospital food.'' He said with a joking smile and she laughed for a second, glad that even with everything going on, he was still positive.

She came walking in a bit later, sitting down as they were both having lunch. After lunch he fell asleep, Gabby driving home to take care of some stuff. She knew that the chemo was making him so tired but when she came back later, he was up again and watching TV.

''Can you help me change in something better before mom comes?''

''Yeah, sure.'' Gabby smiled and she grabbed some of the spare clothes from his bag there, Matt sitting on the edge of the bed. Helping him get the t-shirt on and switch to some sweatpants, she kissed him on the cheek then.

''What was that for?''

''What, I can't kiss my husband?'' Gabby smiled and Matt smiled, kissing her again then, suddenly moving away from her and just grabbing the bowl in time before he threw up.

''You okay?''

''Yeah, yeah…just the side effects getting worse again.'' He mumbled as he laid back against the pillows and she handed him a towel from the small bedside table.

She pressed the bedside table and a nurse helped clean up as she walked out for a minute. Even though she wanted to be there with him, she started to feel a bit sick as well.

''Hey, Gabby, oh my…you look gorgeous.'' She heard beside her and Nancy Casey was standing there, hugging her.

''Thank you…it is good to see you, Matt is really excited to see you.'' Gabby smiled back at her. ''Just go in, I know he really wants to see you. Would you like any coffee or anything after the long drive?''

''No thanks.'' Nancy said and she walked in then. Looking through the window in the door for a second, she saw Nancy kissing Matt on his forehead and sitting down and she guessed that they would probably want some alone time to catch up.

Gabbing one of the magazines from the table she sat down in the waiting area bit, Spencer kicking heavily.

''Yeah….it's a strange time isn't it?'' She said softly, caressing over her belly.

''How are you feeling?'' Nancy asked Matt.

''I've felt better…but I should be better mostly after the surgery.'' He smiled. She nodded understanding and looked away then.

''What is wrong, mom?'' Matt asked concerned.

''It's just really hard to see you like this. I am sorry.''

''That's okay. I get that.'' Matt said. He knew a lot of people struggled with what to say to him now.

''It is so great you and Gabby are having a family though, I am so proud of how you are both getting through this.''

''Thanks mom.''

They talked a bit more, Nancy telling about the job she recently got and Matt was glad to finally talk about something else. It was a low end job, but he was glad his mom got something again.

''I am just going to grab some coffee now.'' Nancy said then. ''Would you like anything?''

''Nah, I am okay, thanks mom.''

Nancy walked out, Gabby sitting in the small waiting area near the coffee machine.

''So are you and Matt all ready for the when the baby comes?'' Nancy asked her.

''Ehm, I guess so. We got the nursery done….but honestly with everything going on it's hard to be fully prepared.'' Gabby admitted.

''I really wish you guys could be more prepared.''

''Excuse me?'' Gabby said Matt. ''I have done all that I can and so did Matt. You have no right to say that! In the months that he has been sick you have barely been here.''

''Sorry.'' She told Gabby, walking back inside the room.

''I think Gabby is a bit mad with me…but I wanted to give you this for when the baby is here in case I can't manage to come up again before everything.'' Nancy handed him the envelope and kissed him on his forehead.

''Thanks mom, I really appreciate you were here and I know you are busy.'' Matt said, Nancy smiling again before grabbing her stuff.

Gabby walked in as Nancy walked out.

''Couldn't play nice, hmm?'' Matt asked a bit annoyed. As much he loved Gabby, he wished that she would be a bit nicer to his mom from time to time.

''Well, she doubted our parental abilities.''

''Looks like you were wrong!'' Matt said as he looked into the envelope in disbelief. Gabby looked a few more seconds in disbelief. A stash of dollar bills were in it and they figured she had been saving from her job.

Quickly she walked out of the hospital room, trying to run a bit even though she was pregnant to catch up with Nancy. Right by the entrance she finally caught up with her mother in law.

''Nancy!''

Nancy turned around and stopped.

''Thank you so much for what you gave Matt.''

''I know it is not a lot, but with the baby coming up and the medical bills-'' Nancy tried to explain when Gabby hugged her.

''I am sorry for getting mad at you.'' Gabby just said then. ''Pregnancy hormones…and stress.''

''No, no I know I have made a lot of mistakes, but I am not doing this because I doubt you guys, I just want to make it a bit easier for you with everything you two are going through.''

''Thank you so much – so uhm, are you still off tomorrow?''

''Yeah, I decided to take an extra day off, you never know traffic.'' Nancy sighed.

''How about you stay with me and Matt – well just me tonight? We can go have lunch with Matt tomorrow before you drive off again?''

''Are you sure?''

''Yeah, and you can see the nursery.'' Gabby smiled.

''I'd like that.'' She smiled and together they walked back to Matt's room. Seeing them walk in together, he was glad that they had made up.

They said goodnight to him then, saw how tired he was and Gabby drove them both him, Nancy picking up her car tomorrow from the hospital.

At home Gabby showed the baby room and Nancy looked around.

''it's really pretty.''

''Thank you. Kelly Severide and Matt did it together.''

With some tea, they sat on the couch, Gabby knowing that Matt really wanted her to get on with his mom.

''It's so hard to see him like this.'' Nancy said then, stirring through her tea.

''He has been getting a lot worse since starting the chemo again.'' Gabby said.

''It must be so hard for you…I am so sorry for you both.'' Nancy said compassionate as she laid her hand on Gabby's shoulder for a second.

''I am really scared to lose him.'' Gabby finally admitted, tears forming in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks then. ''I am really worried about the surgery…and losing him before the baby is here.''

Nancy wrapped her arm around Gabby and even though she had felt so angry with Nancy before, she finally found some comfort, sobbing loudly and finally speaking about her fears.

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 **NOTE: and here is the next chapter! I hope you liked this chapter! A pretty long one! Next chapter should be up very soon and hopefully till then, please don't forget to leave a review! X**


	22. Support

**Two weeks later**

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Struggling to carry the groceries from the car into the house, she nearly dropped one of the bags.

''Matt!'' She yelled then and finally he came walking her way, quickly taking one of the bags from her.

''Sorry, was asleep.''

''No, no it's okay.'' She told him, not wanting that he'd feel bad about something he couldn't do anything about. Together they carried the stuff to the kitchen.

''How was work?'' He asked as they were packing the groceries away. He hated how she had to work through her pregnancy since he couldn't. Luckily, she had worked in the office of the firehouse for a while now and no longer in the line of duty, but she missed it, and at 34 weeks, working was getting a lot harder on her as she was tired a lot now.

''It was good.''

If there was one thing Matt Casey could still do well even with everything that was happening, it was sensing when his wife was lying to him.

''Be honest.'' He told her as he laid his hands on her shoulders.

''Spencer was kicking all day, my printer broke and now I constantly have to walk to the other one – which wouldn't be a big deal if it wasn't for my feet hurting all the time and oh, one of the firefighters ate my lunch.''

''I am so sorry babe.'' He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her.

''It's only for a bit longer though.'' She said then.

''No, that's it Gabby, you are stopping work. I hate seeing you suffer because of me.'' He told her. ''We will work something out.''

''No, no Matt, it's okay. I mean I know I am complaining but I like being in the firehouse and doing something.'' She shook her head then. ''It takes my mind off some other things I don't want to think about all the time. I just had a bad day, that's all.''

Finally, Matt nodded a bit.

''Besides…it's only for 2 more weeks.'' She said then and he nodded. He knew she had to quit when he had his surgery.

''Yeah.'' He said softly then. He was scared for it, still. Especially she was also worried because of losing him, right before their son would be here. It was a big and dangerous surgery and the first weeks it would be very hard. Matt wouldn't be able to do much so they hoped her delivery would be easy and she was back on her feet fast.

''It's just…I know it is stupid but when I had imagined my pregnancy…and us becoming a family, I had expected something else…now I Just always feel so stressed and scared, and I am so scared to lose you.''

''You are not going to lose me, I am sure.'' He promised her again and kissed him on his cheek.

''I know. Let's go for a walk, okay? You need to build some strength.'' She told him then and he nodded.

''Yeah, let's do that.'' He smiled and after getting changed, they walked out of the door. They walked through the park close by. But with Matt still recovering from three tough weeks of chemo and Gabby being 34 weeks pregnant, they weren't very fast. But they kept on walking and knew it was good for them. They stopped somewhere along to rest for a second.

''This is going to be even harder in 2 and a half weeks. I am going to miss a large part of lung and you are going to be even more pregnant.'' He sighed then.

''Well, we will overcome that too. You know the surgery will really make you better.''

He nodded, but it was not something he was looking forward to – yes to being better, but not to losing a big part of lung and his life being affected by it.

They started walking again and soon they were near molly's.

''We are like the slowest couple ever.'' He laughed for a second and they walked on.

They were near molly's now and saw the lights were on.

''Want to look who is there for a second?'' She asked him worried and finally he nodded.

''Sure, I feel okay enough.''

They walked inside, saw a lot of familiar faces and Matt and Gabby walked to the bar. Even though they had no plans of ordering anything, they could still catch up with people.

''Here you two.'' Herrmann immediately moved two glasses of water their way.

''Thanks.'' Gabby smiled.

'How are you feeling?''

''I've felt better.'' Matt admitted, but it was nice to see everybody.

''Hey sis!''

Gabby turned around and suddenly she saw her brother walking her way, hugging her.

''Hey Tonio.'' She smiled.

''Getting a bit big Gabs.'' He laughed as he laid his hand on her baby bump for a second.

''I swear Antonio, if I wouldn't need you as a back-up!'' Gabby said quasi angry. With the uncertainty about Matt and him currently not being able to drive at all with the medication, they had asked Antonio to be their back up to drive her to the hospital in case she went into labour.

''Hey, I didn't say it was something bad, I can't wait to meet my new nephew.'' Antonio smiled. They stood around, talking to all of them and after a while, even though it was not their plan, they were having a good time and finally forgetting about the cancer for once.

After a while it was getting too much on Matt though.

Matt yawned – not bored, just tired - then and Gabby smiled.

''Let's walk home.'' She told him, glad he had held out as long as he did.

''Come on, let me drive you two home.'' Antonio said and soon they left.

At home, he sat down with Gabby in the kitchen, Matt having slumped down on the couch.

''So the surgery is in two weeks.''

''Yeah…can you drive us in to the hospital the day before, I think I will be too nervous.'' Gabby admitted.

''I will.'' Antonio promised. ''It is really admirable how you are two are getting through this.''

''We try…I am just really scared to lose him. What will I do if the surgery doesn't go well? Lose my husband and have a baby at nearly the same time?''

''Gabby, you shouldn't worry about that. If the doctor's weren't sure, they wouldn't do it.''

Gabby nodded slightly.

''I really hate seeing you sad like this'' Antonio said. ''It's not fair, you and Matt should be focusing on the baby, instead of the surgery.''

''I wish it was that way.'' Gabby nodded.

''But are you prepared for the delivery? Did the classes?''

''I went with Brett, I didn't want to do it to Matt. I mean, lung cancer and then taking him to breathing class? Everybody can see the irony in that – oh I am sorry I mentioned Sylvie.''

''No what is okay, I am glad she is helping you so much. She is a great friend.'' Antonio said with a small smile, thinking of his ex-girlfriend.

''Yeah, so many people are great to us, thank you so much as well Antonio.'' Gabby said, so glad she had her brother through all of this and after he left she walked to Matt, half asleep on the couch.

''Time to go bed.'' She told him and together they walked to the bedroom. She saw Matt was wiped out, but glad that he had had a decent day. It was only yesterday he had gotten home and he still had a lot of recovery to do.

Soon both of them were in bed and she had expected Matt to fall asleep soon, but instead he laid close to her.

''I talked to Herrmann today and three days before the surgery we can all have dinner there.''

''That is nice.'' She smiled, surprised he wanted to do a party like this.''

''Yeah…a party yeah.'' He said softly then, Gabby falling asleep soon.

As positive as he wanted to be, he was scared that that party was more of a goodbye.

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 **NOTE: back from traveling and here is the next chapter! I hope you liked this chapter! A pretty long one! Next chapter should be up very soon and hopefully till then, please don't forget to leave a review! X**


	23. Goodbyes

**Hi everybody! Sorry it took me so long to update. I had something really hard going on in my personal life. I still don't feel great but I do want to update before I am leaving for a few days till Monday. So I hope you do like this chapter and please let me know what you think at the end.**

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He was sitting at the edge of the bed, looking at the bag that they were packing for him.

Next to it was a fully done bag with Gabby's stuff, in case they would have to rush to the hospital.

It made the whole situation seem even more unreal. In two days, he was going under the knife. He was terrified still, even though he still tried to stay positive.

Tonight, they were hosting a dinner at molly's. Even though he was looking forward, he wanted to do it as a goodbye, and that give it a different meaning.

''I have no idea what to wear.'' Gabby sighed, looking into the closet. She was well into the last month of her pregnancy now and with only 4 more weeks to go, it was getting harder finding things to wear.

Even though it was just a dinner, she wanted to look nice. She wanted tonight to be good for her and Matt. Tomorrow night, she already had to bring him to the hospital as he was staying the night. In the morning, he was going to have the surgery, but they would admit hi the night before to keep an eye on him.

''You look fine in everything!'' He told her as he had been waiting for her for almost half an hour now. First, she had been doing her hair and then her make up, and now she was still busy with her clothes.

''Yeah but they are going to make pictures.''

''Well have you seen how I look?'' Matt said with a wry smile.

''Still good.''

''Nah.'' Matt said, knowing he didn't look his best now that he was stressed about the surgery and just had the chemo.

Finally Gabby found a dress.

Walking his way she kissed him on his forehead. He was looking better than the days before. The last few weeks he had been trying to build up strength for the surgery.

''Tonight is going to be good.'' She promised him then, running her hand through his growing hair.

''Yeah, yeah I know.'' He smiled.

''You seem really absent.'' She told him a bit worried. She knew there was a lot on his mind but she still hoped that there was a way to help him.

''Yeah, just be a bit nervous.''

''Well, let's go before we are late.''

He was feeling a bit better so he got in the car on the driver's side and drove them to Molly's. Usually they would have walked but he was still really tired and Gabby's ankles were swollen and sore.

Together they had put an order with a restaurant to bring food to Molly's for all of them. The others had already set up the table for them and most of them were already there.

Around the bar they had a drink and caught up with everybody. The last few weeks they had been really busy because of the baby and Matt with everything that was going as well. Besides meetings about the surgery, he had been trying to get everything sorted out.

Even though all of them wanted to ask about the surgery, it was a party right now that matt had arranged and the last thing they wanted to do was make him upset because they would talk about the cancer again, instead of just having a good time. So instead they focused on the baby and asked about that.

They sat around the table with all the food in the middle. Plates were all thrown full and passed around and conversation was chatting loud.

They were a laughing. It was so natural that now they were here together, they didn't talk or think about the worries too much.

''So you already decided on the name?'' Brett tried again, even though she knew that they had decided.

''Yeah, but I still won't tell you!'' Gabby laughed. Everybody was still trying to get them to say their names.

After dinner, they sat around a bit longer but got ready to leave then. It was Matt's last night at home for a long tie so he wanted to get a good night's sleep.

As they were getting ready to leave, she noticed that Matt saying goodbye for a long time, and taking almost everybody aside specifically and it made her feel a bit bad because she realized he was saying goodbye. In the car home, she didn't really know what to say, up until they walked into the bedroom.

''You were saying goodbye.'' She suddenly said as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

''Is that so strange considering what I am up against?'' Matt said softly then.

''I don't like you thinking about that.''

''Gabby, I get where you coming from….but if the surgery does not go well, I want to have said goodbye.'' He said then. She wanted to object, but she also knew that it was a possibility for him. Sitting down behind him and wrapping her arms around him, she laid her head against his back then. Hearing him say that he was scared to die now made her realize how uncertain their future was.

''You are going to be fine.'' She promised him again.

''I don't have the luxury to be sure of that anymore, Gabby!'' He said a bit angry.

''I know, but I don't want you to worry about it. I am still sure you are going to be okay.'' She said then and he nodded, kissing her. Getting up then, and walking to the bathroom, he closed the door.

He undressed in the bathroom, looking in the mirror then. It was only eight months ago they had gotten married, but it seemed forever ago now. He looked so tired, he had lost a lot of weight and he felt nothing like the man that had gotten married to Gabby all these months ago.

Walking back to the bedroom then, Gabby was on the bed, her hands over the baby bump.

''I am so tired.'' She yawned then. ''It was a good night though.''

''Yeah, yeah it was great.'' He smiled and laid close to her, holding his hands on the baby bump. With only 4 more weeks to go for her, he hoped that he could heal enough to be there when she was going into labour.

''He gets to active when you hold me.'' She laughed then, Spencer kicking again.

''Well, you make my heart go wild every time you hold me close too.'' He smiled.

''I love you so much, and I am sure it is going to be okay, because you are strong and you deserve to get better.'' She said as she still laid closer to him. They wrapped their arms around each other then and laid so close. It was scary what was going to happen, with both the surgery and the baby so close after each other, but they were married and loved each other so much, so they still really hoped that no matter what, they would get through this, and soon they would finally not have to worry about all of this anymore.

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 **NOTE: and here is the next chapter! I hope you liked this chapter! Next chapter should be up very soon and hopefully till then, please don't forget to leave a review! X**


	24. Love for Forever

**Hi everybody! Thank you so much for coming to read the chapter. I am sorry it took really long to get this out, but as said in the last chapter I went through something hard in my personal life and I still am, so it is really hard to go through. I am really trying to get chapters out as much as I can, and I hope you can bear with me through all of this. Thank you so much so are and please enjoy your read. I really hope the chapter is not bad, with me struggling to write it**

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Matt had been awake most of the night. Even though he had tried to sleep. But both the impending surgery and the cold hospital room made it that he had been awake for most of the night.

As much he know he needed to sleep and gain even more strength, be ready for the surgery, he was scared. Scared because he did not know what was going to happen and that he would have to leave Gabby and his little son behind.

Last night Gabby had brought him to the hospital and since then, he had tried to spend the night here and sleep, but it had been so impossible. So instead he had texted Kelly, and tried to get through the night alone.

Kelly walked into the room. Matt had called him late last night if he could come over early in the morning. Walking into the room, he saw his friend in the hospital bed, wide awake and he was wondering if his friend had slept at all.

''Hey!'' Matt greeted him, happy to see him and sitting up.

''how are you feeling.'' Kelly asked his friend as he sat down.

''Nervous.'' Matt admitted.

''I can understand that. Did you sleep at all tonight?''

''Not really, I am so worried about what is going to happen.'' Matt admitted.

''You can't think like that.'' Kelly told his friend.

''It keeps crossing my mind. It is a dangerous surgery, and I know my body is not that strong right now.''

''The doctors wouldn't do it if they didn't think it would go well, right?''

''Yeah, but still, mostly not because now the cancer hasn't spread, and it's a good chance.'' Matt mumbled, looking down at his hands.

''Matt, I am sure-''

''Can you please promise me that if the surgery does not go well, you will look after Gabby…make sure she has everything she needs for when the baby is there and be with her then.''

''Ofcourse man, but you are going to make it.'' Kelly promised him, not wanting to talk about it.

''I just want to make sure she has somebody to fall back on if it does not go well.'' Matt explained.

''Matt-''

''I don't want to hear how I am going to make it, because I believe in that too, but I just want you to promise me that you will look after my wife and son if I don't.''

''I promise. I really do. I will take care of Gabby in case something happens.'' Kelly promised.

''Thank you, that really makes me feel better, to know that she will be okay.'' Matt smiled a bit.

''You should be working on making sure you are going to be okay.'' Kelly told his friend then.

''There is not a lot I can do except hope right now.'' Matt said and Kelly wished he could do something for his friend.

''I will be here with Gabby while we wait for you to come out of surgery.'' Kelly promised him then.

''That will be nice, thank you. I don't want her to be alone, in case something goes wrong.''

''I can't lose you man. Not after Andy.'' Kelly said then, tears filling his eyes.

''I am going to be okay, I promise.'' Matt promised. Even though he h had been really scared, he also knew that his chance that he was going to be better was a lot bigger than the chance he was not going to make it.

''Come here.'' Matt said and Kelly hugged his friend. Matt found some support from his friend, but it was heart-breaking to see that his friend was so worried about him too.

Holding him close, all he could hope, was that he was going to get through this, for Gabby, Kelly, Spencer and mostly, himself.

Gabby was making her way to the hospital as well. She was nervous. She knew today was the today that either her husband was going to get a lot better, but she could also lose him.

And now that she was pregnant with their son, that was a very hard thought.

Walking into the hospital, she saw that Nancy was still sitting with Matt. Waiting by the door, she waited till Nancy was ready to leave. She knew that she was also saying goodbye to her son and it made her feel horrible. No parent should have to go through that.

As Nancy left, she said hi to her mom in law and was glad that their bond really had gotten better over the last few months. Even though she still had a hard time with Nancy, she was glad that she was here for Matt since that she had visited him. After a hug, Nancy left and Gabyb knew she was not going to stay for now, not for now, as it was too hard for her.

Finally, Gabby finally walked into the room, knew it was only a short time because he was going to be taken away for the surgery soon.

''So, this is it.'' He said then and she nodded. They had tried to put off this moment for as long as possible, but knew it was time to say goodbye now. Only for the surgery, but they also both knew it was risky.

''You are going to be fine.''

''Yeah – Gabby no. I know we always talk about everything is going to be okay, but I want you to know that I love you a lot. No matter what happens, I want you and Spencer to be happy. That is all I want for you both. No matter what happens, please promise you will do everything you can for you and Spencer to be happy.''

''Matt-''

''Gabby, please do something for me and promise me that.''

Finally she nodded. Tears started to feel her eyes cause even though didn't want to say goodbye, it felt like they were saying goodbye.

''I promise, but now you need to stop talking so stupid cause you are going to be fine when I see you again in a few hours...just without a left lung, mostly.''

''Yeah…I love you.''

''I love you too.'' She smiled, kissing him. Tears started streaming out of her eyes now, worried about the hours to come. Worried she laid down against him as much as she could on the narrow bed and with the baby bump.

It was another massive blow for them after these hard months they had had already. He had gone through chemo, scans, she had had to work so hard and now at the moment, when they were barely a month away of becoming parents, they were scared they had to say their goodbyes.

''Gabby, I promised you I was going to beat this, and I am going to be a dad for Spencer…and a good husband for you.'' He said then.

She was still sobbing, Matt holding her.

''I am so scared to lose you.'' She admitted then.

Holding each other close, he had no idea what to say cause he was scared to. He had never talked about death, but with the impeding surgery, he was scared, especially because it meant he would never get to meet his little son.

The nurses walked into his room to take him away and he gave Gabby another massive hug.

''Alright. I love you so much. So so much.'' Matt said, sitting up, kissing her and holding her close. For a second Gabby thought about not letting go, but finally she did let go.

''It's going to be fine.'' He promised her again. Finally they let go of each other's hand and she waved just a bit as Matt was taken away for the surgery.

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 **NOTE: and here is the next chapter! I hope you liked this chapter! I will try to put next chapter very soon but as I said, it is currently a bit hard for me. But please bear with me and hopefully till then, please don't forget to leave a review! X**


	25. Scary Hours

**Thank you so much for coming back this chapter to read it. I hope you will look this chapter! Please let me know what you thought of it at the end.**

''Gabby, please sit down.''

''I am fine.'' She assured him as she kept pacing through the room.

''I know you are nervous, but this won't make it any better.'' Kelly said and finally Gabby sat down on the chair again.

''Matt asked me to name the baby after him if he wasn't going to make it…and we already decided on another name, but I can't stop thinking about it.'' She admitted, her hands on the baby bump. Spencer was active ad Gabby was worried it was because she was so stressed.

''I think Matt was really scared.''

''He was. And I am worried that he is going to be right, that he knew and felt it, but didn't want to tell me.''

''I don't know, but I think he is going to be fine. I believe he is going to be.''

Gabby smiled a slight bit at Kelly. Even though she was scared, he also knew that it was going to be okay.

''Come on, you need to eat, let's go to eat something for lunch.'' Kelly proposed and Gabby nodded a bit. She wasn't hungry as she was so nervous but knew she had to eat because of Spencer.

They walked to the restaurant in the hospital and while they were ordering their food, the woman behind the counter smiled at the both of them.

''Oh, what is it going to be?'' The woman smiled at Kelly and Gabby.

''Oh uh –''

''A girl.'' Gabby smiled and they took their food, sitting down by the table then.

''A girl?'' Kelly chuckled a bit.

''Well, it's non of her business.'' Gabby said then, stuffing the sandwich in her mouth. Kelly chuckled for a second, glad to see Gabby being like this, as it was finally like Gabby like she was before Matt go to sick. Even though it was Matt that had gotten so sick, he had seen Gabby change too.

After the lunch, they walked back to the room in the ward where Matt would go back after his stay on the intensive care. Gabby sat down again and they were barely there, when the door opened again.

''Hey…we just wanted to come check if everything went well with going into surgery.'' Herrmann and Boden walked in.

''Yeah, surgery started in time. Hopefully there will be some news soon.'' Gabby said hopeful. She knew that it would probably take another hour, but she still hoped.

''Everything we go well, for sure.'' Herrmann said as he laid his hand on Gabby's shoulder for a second. It was so sad to see her so stressed and upset. Especially now she was pregnant and instead of being happy about becoming parents, there was not a lot of joy in it. And it made him feel so bad, especially after they had lost their baby two years ago.

After a while they left, saw that Gabby was really struggling even talking now as she was so stressed, and they left soon.

Gabby yawned, not really having slept last night.

''Are you okay?'' Kelly asked concerned.

''Just tired, it was so hard to sleep.'' She admitted and he nodded.

''Yeah, I had trouble too. But you should try to sleep.''

''No…I want to be awake instead something happens.'' Gabby shook her head.

''Just sleep, I will wake you up if something happen.''

Finally she nodded a bit and she laid her head against his shoulder, really wanted to get some support, and hoping to finally get some sleep.

Gabby finally asleep against Kelly.

She woke up when Kelly gently tugged her shoulder and when she opened her eyes, Matt's doctor was standing in the room.

''How is he?'' She asked worried.

''The surgery went really well. It will still be a hard road from here, but it was the biggest hurdle he just overcame, so that is really great.'' Doctor Weller told Gabby and Kelly. Gabby sighed relieved, and Kelly hugged her.

''We brought him to the intensive care. He is slowly waking up but we are keeping him under a lot of medication so he doesn't have too much pain. We will have to see how he comes through the night, he is still doing well tomorrow we can bring him back here.''

''That is really great to hear, thank you so much.'' Gabby smiled with tears in her eyes.

''You can go see him in the ICU if you want. I have to warn you, he will look poorly.'' The Weller said, not sure if Gabby was up for seeing him, as he also saw the woman was heavily pregnant.

''Yeah, I'd love to see him.''

''Usually we only allow one person…''A nurse joked by the door and honestly, Gabby didn't find it that funny, but she was so relieved Matt was doing well she still laughed. She was brought to the bed and saw Matt. He was indeed looking bad, mostly hidden under wires, tubes and monitors. But she was so glad that their goodbye this morning had not been their goodbye. Not for now.

A nurse got her a chair so she could sit down and she took his hand, very carefully.

''Hey, you pulled through like a champ...and now I can't wait to have you home with me again …so we can prepare for becoming parents.'' She said softly. She knew it was not going to get easier soon, especially not with the delivery coming up as well.

But she really believed that everything was looking up now. The surgery had gone well and she knew it was going to be a long recovery, but she also knew that Matt was strong and he was going to make him through. He was going to beat this, she was sure.

Holding his hand, she thought about the moment that she was holding his hand to move the ring around his finger when they were getting married.

So much had changed since them. It was barely 8 months ago, but so much had changed, and all they could hope for now was that this would clear him from the cancer.

Suddenly a nurse stood beside her.

''Oh sorry, didn't mean to scare you!'' She said as Gabby almost jumped up.

''Oh, that is fine. Glad to see he is getting attention. If only he knew how spoiled he was.'' Gabby laughd.

''Just here to check on him.'' The nurse said.

''Can I please stay the night?'' Gabby checked then. She really did not want to leave him behind here on his own. Even though he had gotten through the surgery, she was worried that he was not going to make it through the night, since he looked so sick and frail.

''Not while he is in the ICU, but once we get him back to his own room we can look if it is a possibility.'' The nurse told her.

Gabby nodded. She had pretty much known the answer already, but she had still been hopeful. The last thing she wanted was leave him alone in this state.

''Alright, I gotta go home then….'' She said softly, kissing him on his forehead quickly, hoping that he would make it through the night well and she would see him again tomorrow.

She walked to the room to grab her stuff and she saw that Kelly was still there, surprised.

''I am not going to let you drive home, Gabby.'' Kelly said and even though she wanted to get mad, she was really tired, and a bit emotional so she also knew that it was better if Kelly brought her home.

They walked to the car together and Kelly drove her home, making sure she was okay.

At home, alone now, she was just so glad that Matt was okay. She called Nancy to let her know and called some other people to make sure that they all knew about Matt.

And finally it was sinking in on her now too. The surgery was a success, and she had not lost him and now she was really hoping that soon, everything would be okay.

Laying down in bed, she finally felt like she was able to fall asleep. Even though it was still nog going to be easy, she was so glad that she had not lost the love of her life.

And soon they would be parents.

 **Note: Thank you so much for reading this chapter as well, I did not want to leave Matt's fate up for too long, even though he is not out of the woods yet. There was supposed to be an open ending to this chapter, but I didn't want to do that to you. Thank you so much for reading and please do leave a review!**


	26. Recovery

**Thank you so much for coming back this chapter to read it. I hope you will look this chapter! Please let me know what you thought of it at the end.**

* * *

 **Three days later**

Gabby got in her car to the hospital, excited to see her husband again.

He had pulled through the first three nights, without any complications and that made her so happy. Since two days he was back in his own room and she, Kelly and his mom had been by his side to support him as much as they could. Even though he was in a lot of pain and tired, she was so glad that he was positive. Yesterday the breathing mask had been changed for smaller oxygen therapy just for his nose so he was able to talk now, and even though he was tired and it was hard to talk, he was so positive, and that made them all very happy.

As she walked into the room, he was awake, watching some TV.

''Hey.'' She smiled as she kissed him on his forehead. He smiled at her just a bit.

''Hey.'' He said softly then as tried to sit up a bit more, but he could still barely move as he was so tired and sore, but he was so happy to see his wife.

''How are you feeling?'' He asked softly, although she was happy to hear him talk, she was sure that he was almost going to fall asleep again. Yesterday he had been asleep most of the day, waking up for short periods at the time but she was glad to see he was at least feeling okay enough to be awake every now and then. He was so tired and barely had any energy and she could not blame him after the big surgery. He was still in a lot of pain and had trouble breathing, but she hoped that with the therapy, that would hopefully soon be a bit easier.

''I am okay, Spencer has been really busy all night again, but I figured he was just excited to hear your voice again.'' She said as she walked a bit closer and sat down on the edge of his bed, carefully taking his hand then and laying it on the baby bump, and he smiled.

The door opened and Nancy came walking in with her backpack. She had been here the last two days to be with Matt and had spent the night before, when Gabby had been too tired to stay.

''Alright, I have to to go back to Kansas City…Love you, take care.'' Nancy told Matt, kissing him on his forehead, Matt smiling back and she walked out then.

Looking at the bag gabby had brought in, he looked a bit puzzled.

''I am staying the night.'' Gabby told him then.

''Nice.'' He smiled just a bit and she knew that he was happy, but she knew that he was, even though he struggled with showing it now.

''So, I will go home for your therapy…need me to bring anything?''

''Maybe some more socks and a razor?'' he asked, out of breath at the end, but Gabby nodded.

''Yeah, that scruff is coming back.'' She smiled. Now it was a two months ago he did his last round of chemo, his hair and beard were growing again, some scruff on his jaw now after the surgery.

There was a knock on the door and his therapist walked in.

''I will leave you be.'' Gabby said as she kissed him on his forehead.

Matt tried not to mind as the therapist worked on his body, really hating how he seemed to be able to do nothing himself.

''How is it to breathe?'' The therapist asked as he helped Matt sit up against the bed a bit more.

''Painful.'' Matt admitted, his whole side sore now the therapist had helped him sit up, the scar stinging. It became harder to breath and he had to stop for a minute, catching his breath.

''Alright, let's try to sit up unsupported, nice and easy.'' The therapist told him, holding his hands and Matt tried to sit up, his side hurting so bad now.

''Easy, easy. If it hurts, don't push.'' The therapist told him again but Matt still tried to go on, but had to sit back again, his side hurting so bad.

Trying a few more times, he realized how hard it was to breath and do anything with the limited energy he had.

He was upset. He didn't have the energy to really get upset but he wanted to get upset. Sitting up had been so easy, but it was so hard that these simple things were hard now, and he knew it was not going to get any easier soon.

It upset him even more because he thought about the honeymoon. He had been snorkelling with Gabby, dancing wither, even though he couldn't dance, swimming, they had even tried surfing and most of all, they had been so close, and now he could not even sit up. And worried him even more because their baby was going to be born soon and he couldn't even sit up well.

''Alright, that was it for today.'' The therapist told him and as he left, Matt wanted to reach for his phone to send Kelly a message, to talk about his upset feelings as he did not want to feel so bad, but he did.

Reaching for his phone was too hard as well now.

Tired and angry, he finally fell asleep. Waking up again, Gabby was by his bedside again.

''How was it?'' She asked and he wanted to say it went well, but tears welled up in his eyes.

''Terrible.'' He admitted softly then.

''Too hard, painful?'' Gabby asked concerned as she sat down on the edge of the bed again on his good side, looking at the thick bandages, tubes and drains in his other side.

''Yeah.'' He admitted as she kissed him on his cheek.

''I am right here with you.'' She told him as she kissed him again and caressed through his hair.

''I love you.'' He whispered softly and she nodded. ''I love you too.''

Dinner came and while Matt slept after dinner, not being able to eat much, she went to eat something in the cafeteria. Even though she didn't like being here in the hospital, she was glad to be here and spend time with him after all the stress.

Coming back into the room, Matt was awake again. Sitting down on his bedside again he smiled.

''I'm feeling a bit better now.'' He admitted, not being too angry about the therapy anymore. Even though he was still in a lot of pain and breathing was hard, he was just glad to have Gabby here and that she was even staying the night.

Sitting together, they watched a movie. Even though Gabby wasn't very comfortable, she was close to him, so glad to be here and how positive he was. After the movie, he was so tired he was almost dozing off.

''It's almost bed time for me.'' Matt yawned, ''the bathroom is right there.''

''I better use it then.''

''I promise it is clean.'' Matt joked softly as he had not been able to leave the bed and she laughed, kissing him on his cheek and walking to the bathroom then to get ready for the night.

When she walked back out a nurse was checking on him and making sure he was okay for the night.

The bed they had put there for her was a small bed to sleep over and she kissed him, sitting down on the bedside then.

''Anything I can do for you before laying down?'' She asked worried.

''I am fine, don't worry…goodnight.'' He smiled and she got up, them sharing a tender kiss.

''Good night, I love you.''

''I love you too.''

She put the lights out and laid in bed.

But even after half an hour, she had not been able to sleep. The bed was much too small and the monitors kept her awake.

''Matt?'' She asked as he heard him reach for his phone. ''You okay?''

''I can't sleep.'' He admitted and Gabby sat on the edge of the bed they put here for her.

''Me neither.'' She said as she sat up. It was so hard to find a sleeping position with the big baby bump, especially on the small bed here. It was just a bed for her to stay the night and it was great to be here, but it didn't make sleeping easy.

''Spencer being active?'' He asked and she got up, switching on the light and sitting down on the chair next to his bed, taking his hand.

''I am a size 2 pregnant lady in a size 0 bed.'' She laughed and he let go of a laugh as well.

''Sorry.'' He said then as she was here because of him.

''Why?''

''I feel bad because you should be at home, preparing for our baby and I should be there to take care of you.'' He said as she held his hand.

''Hey, you did not chose for this…neither of us did…and it may not be perfect, but the surgery went well, and I am sure you are going to be cleared soon.'' She said and she really did believe that. Everything was finally looking up again.

''True.'' He smiled. ''and I am going to beat this cancer, I am sure. For you and Spencer…and hopefully this was the battle, because that means I have won.''

''I am sure.'' She smiled.

''Me too…and because of you, I couldn't have done it without you.'' He smiled at her, feeling the wedding band around her fingers.

''Everything okay?'' A nurse came to check because she had seen the lights on.

''Yeah, yeah we are fine.'' Matt said and she closed the door again.

''And I am sure we are going to be okay.'' Gabby told him then, kissing him. He smiled back at her again, tired and not feeling great, but just happy to be together, and that they were still together in all of this.

* * *

 **Note: Thank you so much for reading this chapter as well, I hope you did like this chapter of Dawsey together after the surgery and please do leave a review!**


	27. A few steps

**Thank you so much for coming back this chapter to read it. I hope you will look this chapter! Please let me know what you thought of it at the end.**

* * *

 **4 days later**

''hey, how are you feeling today?'' She asked she kissed him on his forehead, glad that the bed was upright a bit as there was no way she could bend forward that far now.

''You should sit down.'' He said softly, looking at the bump.

''Oh shut up.'' She chuckled, but sitting down then. ''How are you?''

''Decent.'' He said softly.

''Heard they said you might be able to go home in 1 week.''

''Might as well stay for the delivery then.'' He whispered softly and she laughed.

''Oh, he was so active last night, he wouldn't even let me sleep.'' She laughed as she caressed over the baby bump. The last few nights she had not slept here as it was hard to sleep already now.

''That's my son.'' He smiled, weakly but Gabby could see in his face he was really happy.

''If he holds it out two more weeks I might actually be on my feet….well a little bit…before he comes.''

''Well, you shouldn't worry about that now.'' She told him. ''I know the timing would be terrible but I am starting to feel so heavy I'd rather have him today than tomorrow.''

''Hmmm…'' He just said. She took his hand and moved a bit closer.

''Nurse removed the drain this morning.'' He smiled then.

''See, that's a big step.''

''Might be able to get out of bed and see if I can take a few steps.''

''That's all great.'' She smiled and was glad he was so positive. Especially how he was positive about walking, considering he could barely finish a sentence without getting out of breath.

''don't push yourself though.'' She told him firmly.

''I feel fine.'' He assured her and she rolled her eyes. He sat up a bit more, leaning on his arms.

''Matt!''

''It's fine.'' He mumbled softly. Carefully he swung his legs over the edge, Gabby holding him.

''Matt, get back!'' She hissed, scared he was going to hurt himself with this. Very carefully he held her shoulder, putting his feet on the cold floor.

''At least let me get you your slippers!'' Gabby hissed and he sat down again, pressing his hand against the large scar on his chest. Putting the slippers around his feet she helped him up again.

''I'm out of breath already.'' He panted now and carefully she helped him sit down.

''See, you shouldn't push yourself.''

''I haven't even walked.'' Matt panted.

''You know that a really big part of you lung was removed, so ofcourse it is a lot harder to breath. The doctor told you it was going to be hard with less lung capacity.'' Gabby told him, feeling sorry to see him struggle like this.

''Yes dr. Dawson.'' He smiled just a bit and carefully he got up again, tried to take a step. It was like he was breathing, but didn't get enough air and started to pant again and after two steps he had to give up and sat back on the bed.

Gabby grabbed the oxygen support for him, saw how bad he was struggling with breathing.

''Thanks.'' He said as she carefully put the cannula behind his ears and under his nose then for some extra oxygen.

''I'll get you some water.'' She said as she took one of the cups from his nightstand and wanted to pour some water, dropping the cup than as a sharp pain went through her stomach.

''Are you okay?'' Matt asked worried.

''He kicked really hard.'' Gabby gasped.

''Oh no! He really is my son.'' Matt laughed for a second.

''Ow.'' Gabby sighed as she sat down, rubbing over the baby bump, feeling nauseous and sore.

''Hey. Are you really okay? Are you sure it was kick?'' Matt asked worried, moving to the edge of the bed as he laid his hand on her shoulder.

''Yeah, yeah….your son is just causing a mess.''

''Oh now he is my son?'' Matt laughed, the laugh turning into a cough and he laid back again.

''That is really normal, you know that.''

''No, it is not.'' Matt said a bit upset.

''You should be happy with how it is going.'' Gabby told him. It was a really big procedure he was going through so that he could sit up after a week and even walk two steps was a big thing.

''I just want to be sure I can at least get out of bed if you go into labour soon now.'' He said a bit upset.

''If you can't be there, then so it be I know it sucks but I am just happy to see you getting better with the day…and the recovery won't be easy…but it will be good to be a family…and for you to get better.'' She promised him.

''I know but it is just upsetting. I used to be a firefighter and now I can't do anything.''

''It's not fair, but I am just happy I have you, that is really what is important.''

''Yeah…and I am so happy to still be here and soon have a family with you, but I am just upset how much changed in 9 months.'' Matt mumbled and Gabby did understand that. 9 months ago they had been on their honeymoon, so in love and they had been really active, and then he had suddenly turned out to have cancer, and everything changed. She had seen her vital, active husband change into a sick and frail man, but she really hoped that this was it and that he could recover from here, and things would finally be like they had expected when they had gotten married.

Although she had these hopes, she also knew that something would never be normal, or how they had hoped, he would never be able to go back to his old job, and that his recovery was long, and with less lung capacity he was still not sure if he could even work any time soon, but their son also made them hopeful.

''You should rest up.'' She told him then, saw he was getting tired. But not only was it that she wanted to leave because he was tired but also because he was looking really tired, and Kelly was going to come as well, but she was starting to feel worse and worse. She blamed it on not sleeping well at all the last few days, even when she had slept at home. There was a lot of worried going through her head that made it hard to sleep and even though Matt had pulled through the surgery, she was scared for what was going to happen when he was going home and they had to look after a baby as well.

''Yeah, Kelly is coming in a bit though, I hope that I can stay awake.'' Matt said as he was getting tired, but he was also excited that his friend was coming over later today. Kelly had been around a lot to support him as much as he could, but Matt had sometimes been too tired to have him over.

''I will see you tomorrow then.'' Gabby smiled, kissing him and soon leaving.

Walking at the entrance of the hospital, a sharp pain suddenly felt through her stomach and she stopped for a second.

Wanting to walk on again, guessing it was a kick, she stopped again as it started to hurt even worse.

''Gabby?''

Kelly came walking in to see his friend, seeing Gabby standing in the lobby, looking confused.

''Are you okay?'' Kelly asked worried.

The pain was getting even worse now and she leaned against Kelly, gritting her teeth.

''I need some help here!'' Kelly said worried and Gabby started to cry now, feeling something wet and warm going down her legs.

''Gabby?'' He asked scared and worried, saw how scared she looked.

''I think the baby is coming... but something is wrong'' She told him, scared.

* * *

 **Note: Thank you so much for reading this chapter as well, I hope you did like this chapter of Dawsey together and I am sorry for leaving you with that cliff-hanger…and please do leave a review!**


	28. Fears

**Thank you so much for coming back this chapter to read it. I hope you will look this chapter! Please let me know what you thought of it at the end.**

* * *

Holding Gabby's hand, worried what was going to happen now he sat with her. She was pinching his hand but now her contractions had died down for a bit and the painkillers were finally starting to help her.

''I will go tell Gabby.''

''You can't tell him, he will be so worried – ah!'' Gabby cried then.

''Gabby, he needs to know.''

Her doctor came walking in again and Kelly took some distance. The door opened and Antonio came walking in now as well to be with his sister.

''We can't get a clear pulse of the baby….even though we get a pulse sometimes, we are worried about the baby and since you are not dilatated enough, we will have to take you into a c-section.''

Antonio and Kelly both held one of her hands and Kelly felt so bad, Matt should have been here with Gabby.

''Is there any chance we can get her husband here before that?'' Antonio asked. Antonio had already asked about their situation

''I am not sure.''

''I can get him here.'' Kelly said, all he wanted was for Matt and Gabby to be together in this..

''I am not sure Kelly, he is weak.'' Gabby said, so sad and tearful, but she was worried that Gabby was not going to well with that.

''I am going to tell Matt, he should know.''

Finally Gabby nodded.

Kelly made his way to the ward were Matt was staying and he tried to talk to his doctor, but he was busy, so instead he walked to Matt first.

Kelly walked into the room then. Matt was watching something on the TV, but turned the sound off than.

''Hey man, got to see you.'' Kelly smiled, Matt smiling at him.

''Nice to see you here.'' Matt said then.

''How are you feeling?'' Kelly asked as he sat down.

''Feeling pretty okay, considering.'' Matt said. ''They removed the drain this morning, starting to feel better every day. Walked a few steps with Gabby.''

''That is really good.'' Kelly said, although he was really happy that Matt was feeling okay and that he was recovering slowly, he was worried about Gabby.

''Something wrong?'' Matt asked as he saw something was bothering his friend.

''I, I need to go.''

He had come here to tell his friend about Gabby going into labour, but now that he saw his friend, still sick and tired, he couldn't tell him.

''Kelly, I am not stupid, you are hiding something from me….please tell me nothing is wrong with Gabby.'' Casey said worried.

''I uh, when I walked in I walked into her in the lobby. She uhm, she went into labour.'' Kelly said worried. He was really worried about his friend was going to take it.

''Is she alone?'' Matt asked worried.

''No, Antonio came immediately…and I will go in a few seconds to check on her and come back to tell you how she is doing.''

''I am going to see her.'' Matt said upset as he wanted to get up, tired and sore but even more worried about his son and his wife now. Kelly grabbed his arm, worried that his friend was going to fall.

''Matt, please sit down.'' Kelly said worried and finally Matt sat down on the edge of the bed. He was panting, looking worried and stressed and Kelly felt so bad for his friend.

''Things are not going well. She might need an emergency c-section.

''Alright, I got you.'' Kelly said and Matt sat down on the edge of the bed.

''I am not leaving her alone in this.'' Matt panted, tears in his eyes as his side hurt.

''I am going to talk to your doctor, okay?'' Kelly promised his friend and Matt nodded. Matt laid back, still scared but knew there was nothing he could do. All he wanted was to see Gabby and tell her it was going to be okay, like it had always had made him feel better when he was worried.

Kelly came walking back in a few minutes later.

''Can you sit up in a wheelchair for a bit?''

''Yeah, yeah I think so.'' Matt said, hoping he could.

''Alright, just keep breathing…and it will be okay, I am sure.'' Kelly tried to calm his friend down. Just barely they managed to get Matt dressed and with some help, Kelly got him in a wheelchair and walked to the room where Gabby was.

Seeing his wife in so much pain and so scared, it was like he found some new strength and energy.

''Hey, hey hey.'' Matt said as Kelly helped him up and he sat down on the edge of the bed. Gabby was sobbing and carefully he laid his hand against her face.

''You, you and little Spencer, you both are going to be fine, I know that. And you know why I know that? Cause you told me and I am fine, so now I am telling you you and Spencer are going to be fine, and I know you will be.'' He said softly, struggling with sitting up but all he wanted is to be with his wife now It hurt him to see her in so much pain and he felt bad that after all they had been through, she had to go through this as well.

''I love you.''

''I love you so much too.'' Matt said, no longer being able to sit on the edge of the bed, but kissing her before getting up and sitting down in the wheelchair again, his side burning and having a hard time breathing, but holding Gabby's hand and wanting to stay by her side as long as possible.

Gabby was still sobbing, because of the pain and scared for what was going to happen, but also because it was so much on her plate right now and she was scared about what was going to happen to Spencer.

''Alright, it is time to go.'' Kelly told Matt, Gabby almost being taken away and he nodded.

''I love you, and I can't wait to see you with our son.'' Matt smiled at her, hopeful but deep down inside he was really scared. Tears were still burning in his eyes and after a kiss, he and Gabby left, Gabby being taken away for the c-section.

''I am really scared.'' Matt said softly to Kelly.

''I tis going to be fine, the doctors know what they are doing Gabby and Spencer are going to be fine, I am sure.'' He told his friend as he brought him back to his room.

Matt got up with some help of Kelly, looking paler and paler and worried.

''Come on, let's get you on the bed and get you back on that oxygen.'' Kelly said worried as he saw his friend struggling. Even though he was glad Matt had seen Gabby and that was really good, he was still worried that this was not good for Matt.

His friend was looking worse and worse and suddenly Matt collapsed in his arms.

''Hey, hey!'' Kelly asked worried, catching his friend in his arms and lifting him back on the bed. The staff came in running beside him as he held his friend, scared that it was all getting too much on hem.

After they had been so happy things had gone well, everything seemed to have turned terrible again.

* * *

 **Note: Thank you so much for reading this chapter as well, I hope you did like this chapter even with the cliffh-hanger and I am sorry for leaving you with that cliff-hanger – although also not really haha…and please do leave a review!**


	29. A miracle

**Thank you so much for coming back this chapter to read it. I hope you will look this chapter! Please let me know what you thought of it at the end.**

Trying to make sense of what happened, Matt found it hard to even open his eyes.

His whole side was throbbing in pain now and it was getting hard to breath. His whole body felt painful and heavy and for a second it was like he was back from where he had just woken up from the surgery

Slowly opening his eyes it did down on him now that Gabby was in a c-section now, and things were not looking well for their little baby.

''Matt?''

Finally he opened his eyes a slight bit again. Kelly was hanging over him, saw some other staff as well. He was fighting to stay awake, the last thing he wanted was to fall asleep now, not with what was going on with Gabby.

After a few minutes, the medical staff gone and only Kelly was left, he tried to sit up and Kelly pushed him down again.

Wanting to talk, he felt the mask on his face.

After a bit, finally feeling a bit better and wanted to move the mask so he could talk to Kelly.

''You need it.'' Kelly said, wanting to remove his hand but Matt moved it down.

''How long was I out?''

''You weren't really out that long, you just fainted from pushing yourself.'' Kelly said, moving the mask up again and Matt's eyes fell shut. He really wanted to stay awake as he was worried about Gabby, but his body was giving up on him.

Matt tried to sit up again, taking the mask of, wheezing.

''You are pushing yourself too much.''

''Well, my wife is having our baby and it is not going well and I can't do any-'' Matt started couching and Kelly handed him some water.

''Calm down. You are right, there is nothing you can do, but she will be fine. I am sure.'' Kelly tried to calm his friend down.

Matt laid back again, exhausted, but too worried.

''Please go check with Antonio.'' Matt mumbled softly and he had to repeat it, Kelly coming a bit closer again because he didn't hear it the first time.

Kelly got up then to walk to Antonio, although he had asked Antonio call him.

He felt horrible seeing his friend like this. It was so horrible what the cancer had done to him, but he hoped now that the baby was here, it would get better for the family and that soon, when he got his scan that it would turn out that he was in remission.

Finally he got the call from Antonio and excited he walked into his friend's room.

''I just received word that Gabby and the baby are doing well.'' Kelly beamed with a smile as he came walking back in, Matt finally smiling as well.

''Spencer, his name is spencer.'' Matt said softly.

''Well congratulations daddy.'' Kelly smiled at his friend and Matt finally laughed as well. It was sad that he had not been there for Gabby, but the news that both were doing well made him so happy.

''I am a dad.'' He smiled softly to himself, hardly being able to believe it.

''I love the name, and it is amazing.'' Kelly smiled, sitting down by his friend, Matt crying a bit, although they were happy tears.

''I want to see Gabby and him.''

''How about you take a nap, and I will see about it. I think it would be better for you and Gabby needs some time too.'' Kelly said and finally Matt nodded a bit.

He was really tired and maybe it was better if he slept first, as he was worried that his friend was going to faint again.

Going to talk to his doctor, he hoped that his doctor could help.

''There is no way he can go out of bed and walk to maternity, and after he just fainted I don't think it is a good idea to take him again.'' The doctor told him.

''I get what you are saying, but I also think it would be good for him to see his wife and son…he just became a dad…'' Kelly tried to explain.

''Just see how he is when he wakes up.'' The doctor said and Kelly nodded. He knew the man was just trying to look out for Matt.

Walking back, his friend was fast asleep and he knew it was what Matt needed after all the stress. Even though his friend was so excited, his friend's body was exhausted.

Waiting for Matt to wake up, his friend was finally wake on and Matt felt good enough, so Kelly decided to take his friend as the last thing he wanted, was for his friend no to see his wife and baby after this.

''Come on, I got you.'' Kelly told his friend then and very carefully he helped Matt sit up on the edge of the bed.

''Pain okay?''

''Yeah, I want to see Gabby and Spencer.'' Matt said, trying to pull through and being as careful as he could, he helped Matt sit down in the wheelchair.

Surprised at how light his friend was now, he felt bad about it again. His friend had always been buff and active, and now he was small and fragile, but with the beaming smile on his face, that made up for a lot.

Hopefully with the upcoming skin and after recovering, his friend was more like he was before.

Matt was still struggling on the way to Gabby's room, and Kelly was really concerned his friend was to collapse again.

Carefully he opened the door, Gabby holding little Spencer close to her.

''Matt.'' She smiled and Kelly pushed the wheelchair to the bed.

''How are you feeling?'' Matt asked worried.

''Not too bad.'' Gabby smiled with tears in her eyes, so happy he was finally here. She was holding little Spencer and he had been asleep for almost an hour now but now that Matt and Kelly came into the room, he had opened his eyes.

''Can I see him?'' Matt finally asked then, smiling.

''Here.'' Gabby said as she handed little Spencer to Kelly and Kelly moved closer to Matt, almost scared to drop the little baby in his arms.

''No doubt. That's a little Casey.'' Kelly laughed as he knelt down next to Matt and Matt smiled as he could have a good look at his son now. Tears filled his eyes as he finally saw their son. The only son he and Gabby would probably ever have, but also the baby that had dragged him through all this cancer shit.

''Yeah, that is mine, no doubt.'' He laughed. Little Spencer was the spitting image of him. He really wished that he could hold his son, but even when he had tried to hold him even with support holding him, Matt almost fainted again from the pain in his side.

''Don't worry, I will hold him.'' Kelly told his friend, still holding Spencer close to Matt so he could admire his son a little longer, but also saw that his friend was starting to struggle.

''Alright, handing him back to you.'' Kelly said then, handing the little baby back to Gabby.

''What is it, nervous to hold a baby, Sev?'' Matt asked softly.

''When he looks like you and you and Gabby had to do so much effort for it…yes.'' Kelly laughed.

''I will give you guys a minute.'' Kelly said then, leaving matt and Gabby alone for a second so that they could be together.

Matt leaned back now, tried to catch his breath but smiling as he saw his wife holding their son.

''He is gorgeous.'' She smiled as she held him.

''I think so.'' Matt smiled, ''He was worth all of this.''

''He definitely is.'' Gabby said, smiling at him then.

She was so glad that even with all of this, Matt was here with her, even for a bit, but mostly also that she still had him at all. With the chemo he went through and the big surgery, he had made it, and he was so happy to be a dad and she knew that all would only get better. Even though it was going to be hard as she had to recover and Matt had to recover for an even longer while, she knew that they were going to be family and that would be the best thing.

After saying goodbye to Gabby and Spencer, he pushed his friend back to the ward.

''He is beautiful.'' Matt smiled as they made their way back to the ward.

''You did good work.''

Matt laughed softly.

The nurses got him just about in bed before Matt fell asleep, but with a big smile on his face.

 **Note: Thank you so much for reading this chapter as well, I hope you did like this chapter now that the cliffhanger is resolved. Thank you so much for reading I hope you liked this happier chapter! Please let me know what you think by leaving a review.**


	30. Home

**And here is the next chapter! Please enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think in the end!**

* * *

 **4 days later**

''Careful now sis.'' Antonio told his sister as he and Gabby walked down the hallway. She was going to go home with baby Spencer today, but much to Matt's dismay he had to stay another few days.

But before they would head home, they would go see him, also so he could see their little son again.

It was a total shit timing, but knew that it was the best at the moment. Matt would get better and their son and she were doing well, and honestly that was all they could wish for right now.

Kelly was walking close to them, carrying Spencer in a carrier.

Walking into Matt's room, Antonio got a chair for Gabby to sit down.

''Hey baby.'' She smiled, glad to see Matt dressed in a t-shirt and trainers this time, sitting up – although still supported – but she knew it was probably already a step he had gotten dressed.

''Hey.'' He kissed her and Kelly walked closer with the carrier, putting it with Matt on the bed so he could see his son again.

''I want to hold him.'' Matt said softly as he was laying against the bed, still wanted to try to hold his son.

''Not sure if it is a good idea.'' Kelly said but Matt still wanting to do it, his hand already caressing Spencer's cheek.

Kelly carefully took Spencer from the carrier then and Matt wrapped him in his arms, holding him close to him.

His side was hurting so much now and even though Spencer was only a little baby, it was pressing on his chest too heavily and Kelly quickly took him back.

''Can you all leave us alone for a bit?'' Gabby asked then, Kelly handing Spencer back to her and she moved close to the bed with him, being close to Matt and he kissed her on her forehead.

''Are you sure you are going to be okay tonight?''

''Well, I got these two guys taking care of me…plus I feel a lot better.'' Gabby smiled.

''That is really good to here.'' He smiled. ''it is good you two get to go home.''

''You will soon too.'' Gabby promised him.

''It insane how long his eyelashes are, he got that from you.'' Matt said, looking their son closely.

''I am going to try to come by tomorrow.'' Gabby promised. ''With him.''

''No, no you should stay home and rest up.'' Matt said. Even though he really wanted to see his wife every time he could, he also knew that she had to rest up after the c-section, plus it wouldn't be good for little spencer to be dragged around.

''But you have your scan tomorrow.'' Gabby said concerned.

''Well, I've had a lot of scans now and I think I can get through one more, even without you.'' He promised, letting go of a small smile now. Sure, he really would like to see her but he also needed her to rest and heal.

''I'm coming to the results in two weeks though.'' She said. She really hoped they would hear that there was no more cancer, and he would go into remission.

''Alright, time for us to go home. You look tied.''

''Come on, I will walk with you.'' Matt said and he got from the bed.

''Just sit down.'' Gabby told him as she was worried he was going to faint, saw he was struggling.

''No, it is okay.'' He told her and together with Kelly, Antonio and Gabby he walked with them to the end of the ward he was staying. Kissing Gabby, he waved as they walked away.

It took a while to get back to his room as he was tired and sore again, and honestly he felt a bit upset Gabby got to go home with Spencer and he still had to stay in the hospital even longer.

Falling asleep, feeling sick and tired now, he was getting a bit nervous for his scan tomorrow.

Waking up, he still felt sick and he tried to sit up, but his chest was painful and he started to feel worse and worse.

Kelly came walking into his room then. As Antonio was with Gabby right now, he wanted to go see his friend. It was hard enough for his friend to let his son and wife go home and not be there for them.

When he walked into the room, Matt was in the bed, holding a bucket and Kelly could just help his friend sit up before he threw up.

''The pain is really bad now.'' Matt admitted. Kelly took the smaller bucket from him and brought it to the bathroom, walking back then. Matt drank a bit of water and tried to sit up again. This morning when they had all come by, he had pushed himself really hard again to show that he was going to be okay, but now he was in a lot of pain and didn't feel good at all.

''Anything I can do?''

''Nah, I am okay.'' He said softly.

''Okay, let me know if I can.''

''I am really grateful that you are here to take care of Gabby and Spencer…and even me in a few days.'' Matt said then. As much he wished he could take care of Gabby and Spencer, there was not a lot he could do, even when he would go home.

But Kelly and Antonio would stay around Gabby and stay the night while he was not there, and then Kelly would probably stay a bit longer, as Matt wasn't allowed to lift anything and would still struggle.

''You will be a great dad, but Spencer needs you to get better first.''

Slowly Matt nodded.

''I am so grateful how you have been with me and Gabby all this time, it has not been easy since I got sick but you have made it a lot easier, for the both of us. I couldn't be happier than with a friend like you.'' Matt said then.

''ofcourse, it is not going to be just the happy times. You are my friend we will be friend's in the rough times too.'' Kelly said.

''I know, but you made true on that, and a lot of people didn't.'' Matt said as there were a lot of people that had never talked to him again now. He was getting more trouble to breathe now and Kelly got him the oxygen cannula, that was here as a back-up, feeling bad for Matt. He knew it was better that he left soon so that Matt could take it easy.

''Alright, Antonio had to leave in an hour, so I will go to Gabby and Spencer, but I will be here with you tomorrow.'' Kelly told his friend and he was barely at the door, and saw that Matt was asleep again, exhausted and sick.

At home, he made diner for him and Gabby and soon Spencer started to cry as well because he was hungry. Preparing the bottle, he brought it to Gabby and he was not sure if he wanted her around, as this was one of the first times she was really alone with her son.

''I will leave you be.'' Kelly told her as he wasn't sure if she wanted him around.

''Can you please stay?'' Gabby asked then.

''Are you sure?'' Kelly asked worried, not sure if he should stay. He figured she wanted to feed Spencer in peace.

''I am just worried to get frustrated…and you are sort off his second daddy.'' Gabby said. Kelly sat down at the end of the couch, knew he could better stay if Gabby asked.

''Just his godfather.''

''I really appreciate what you are doing for us.'' Gabby said, trying to get Spencer to start sipping the bottle, but she wasn't sure what she was doing was right and he was a bit fidgety. Honestly all she wanted was to have Matt beside her to tell her what to do – although he had no idea either, he always told her these things like he knew it – but she knew he would be home soon.

''Ofcourse, you and Matt are my friends and like I told him today, if we have fun in the good times, I will also be here for you in the bad times.''

''I really appreciate that. You really helped us both through.''

Looking down at Spencer, Gabby was glad she was finally going it right. Even tough she had wanted to nurse him, with everything that was going on with Matt it was easier to bottle feed him, as somebody else could taken if really necessary.

''I just hope that the scan comes out good…cause I don't know how much longer he can fight…you see how tired he is Kelly.'' Gabby said concerned.

''I know, but I am sure that the news will be good.'' Kelly assured her. ''And he is tough, he fought through so much already, and he will be fine.''

Finally Gabby nodded.

''You know, your dad fought really hard for you…and I can't wait to see you grow up with him.'' She smiled as she looked at her son, with a smile.

* * *

 **NOTE: So Spencer and Gabby are home and have Kelly looking after them both while Matt had to stay in the hospital, and he is not happy with that. But how will it be next chapter when he finally comes home and how will the scan go? Thank you so much for reading and please let me know what you think!**


	31. Family

**Sorry it was really long to update this story, I was traveling and really busy with university and even though I might still be busy the next week, I will hopefully be able to update more often from next week on. Please enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think at the end.**

 **4 days later**

Matt was sitting on the edge of the bed. He knew Kelly was coming to pick him up at 9, so he had gotten up early, that was so that he could dress himself this morning, which had taken him almost an hour. Even though he was getting a lot of therapy now to recover, it was hard because he was so tired and sore.

Finally Kelly came to pick them up and even though it was a short walk from the entrance to the car, he felt like he was almost going to fail.

''I got you.'' Kelly said. He had taken the shift off so he could go get his friend from the hospital. He was finally going to Gabby again. He could not wait to see her and Spencer.

''Can we stop for a moment?'' Matt asked, out of breath and sitting down. Even though it had only been a small way they had walked outside now, he was already out of breath.

''I will get the car and stop here.'' Kelly said and Matt nodded. Even though he wanted to walk to the car, he was already tired from the walk down to here and he struggled getting enough air.

His scar was really sore and even though he hoped that would get better soon, he was disappointed that he could barely make it to the parking lot.

Kelly drove the car to the front and Matt got in, sitting down carefully.

Driving home, he was so glad that he was finally be home again. He had been in the hospital for almost three weeks with the surgery and really missed home and Gabby. Even though he knew he wasn't going to be better for a long time and the recovery was far from done, he was just glad to go home, and be with Gabby and their son.

Kelly parked close to the building and helped him get out of the car again.

He was already out of breath again after walking to the door and Gabby opened the door.

''Oh I am so glad you are home.'' She smiled, wrapping her arms around him. Kissing him on his cheek and holding him close was so nice after all of this. She hadn't been able to be as much around him the last few days with Spencer at home and her own recovery, but so glad that he was home here now.

Walking inside together, he sat down immediately, exhausted and out of breath already after the short journey home.

''I will get you some water.'' Kelly said and Matt nodded. He was still holding Gabby's hand kissed her on her cheek, so glad to be home as well.

''You okay?'' Gabby asked worried as she saw Matt was struggling with sitting up.

''Just tired.'' He mumbled softly. ''I want to see Spencer.''

''Come on.'' Gabby smiled and careful she helped him up. Even though she couldn't lift a lot because of the c-section, she could just help him up and together they walked to the nursery.

Looking at the little baby asleep in the crib, he smiled. Their son was so beautiful and he couldn't wait until he could take better care of him when he was better.

''I might take a nap.'' He admitted. He wanted to help around the house and be an active role in the family, but his body was tired, and he was so tired. Gabby helped him get in bed and looked as he fell asleep. She hoped that he would feel better soon, saw that he was very tired and hated to see him so sick. He was so excited to be a dad and now he was too tired to do anything.

Later that day, after diner, Matt laid down on the couch, already tired again.

Matt was still on the couch, Kelly came walking his way with Spencer.

''Daddy Kelly.'' Matt laughed it was something he had never expected to see from his friend.

''He stinks like you, Case.'' Severide laughed but looked down at Spencer, whom was half asleep again.

''I think now that he is clean, he wants some cuddling time with his dad.''

''I can't lift him.''

''You don't have to.'' Kelly said. ''Just lay back.''

With one hand he helped his friend lay back a little with a pillow in his back and carefully placed Spencer on the right side of his chest.

''See.''

Smiling Matt put his hands over the little baby to hold him. He was falling asleep against his daddy now and it made Matt so happy that he finally got properly hold his son.

''Call me if you need anything.'' Kelly said, wanting to leave Matt alone in this moment. Looking down at his little son, Matt couldn't do anything but smile.

He looked so much like him, and he was so glad to finally hold him. Spencer fell asleep again and Matt only looked up when he heard the door to the living room open, Gabby walking his way and sitting down on the couch by his feet.

''Not lifting him.'' Matt smiled as Gabby looked at Spencer in his arms.

''You better not….but it looks good on you, being a dad.'' She smiled back at him. ''I send Kelly home, just you and me tonight.''

''Are you sure we can manage tonight?'' Matt asked a bit worried.

''I just want to be with you after all that happened.'' Gabby assured him and he nodded.

Spencer started to get a bit fidgety and sulking softly.

''Must be hungry.''

''Got that from his daddy.'' Gabby smiled, although she also knew that recently he hadn't been that big of an eater anymore, but she was sure once he felt better, his appetite would sure return.

''You want to feed him?''

''I really want to feed him.'' Matt nodded.

''I will go get his bottle ready.'' She said as she got up, kissing him on his forehead and walking to the kitchen.

Returning with the bottle, she was still worried.

''Are you sure you can hold and feed him?''

''Hey, I am still laying back.'' He assured her and he had him on his right arm, carefully bringing the bottle to Spencer's mouth and smiling as he looked at his son again.

After a few minutes, Matt was starting to feel tired and sore again and his arms started to shake.

''Can you take him.'' Matt asked then, getting really tired and worried he was going to drop Spencer and Gabby took him over.

Gabby finished feeding him.

''Everything is going to be good from now on.'' She smiled.

''I am still scared that the scans are not going to come back good.'' Matt admitted.

''The results will be great, I am sure.'' Gabby told him again. They put Spencer to bed and walked to their own bedroom, finally laying together again after so much time, and so much had changed.

''Can you help me with my shirt?'' He asked, feeling bad that she had to help him so much, especially while she was still recovering from the c-section.

Carefully pulling the shirt up she looked at the surgery scar, just to make sure everything was okay.

''It's really red.''

''It is just sore.'' Matt assured her as he laid back again. Even taking his socks and pants off seemed to cost too much energy, but he pushed himself back up and finally did so.

Too tired to get up and walk to the bedroom, he just crawled in bed.

Crawling in bed, close to him and taking his right arm, she laid close to him. Worried she was going to hurt him, but laying close to him was so nice after everything that had happened.

He woke up now, sitting up a hit and laying his arm around Gabby.

''How are you feeling?''

''Fine, just tired.'' He admitted, smiling at her and kissing her.

Laying down in bed, he was exhausted, even though it was still early and he hated how he couldn't do anything to help Gabby with taking care of their baby. Even he helped with small things, he couldn't really help with a lot and he was so tired.

Gabby got up and walked to the bathroom. She felt bad seeing Matt so tired and hoped he could soon be the dad he really wanted to be. Taking his medication and a glass of water, she realized he was probably too tired to get up.

Gabby walked back into the bedroom and looking at Matt laying in bed, she noticed that the left side of his chest was no longer rising now the lung there was gone.

''Tired?'' She asked as he looked really pale and tired, handing him the medication.

''It's weird how I barely have any energy.'' He admitted.

''It will come back.'' She told him, laying close to him again and soon, both of them were asleep.

Waking up in the middle of the night, they heard their baby crying and tired Gabby got up to get him.

Walking back in the bedroom with Spencer in her arms, she looked as Matt was awake as well.

''Can you hold him for a second, so that I can prep his bottle?'' Gabby asked Matt tired, handing him Spencer in his arms before he could even say something and slowly made her way to the kitchen.

Holding their son, Matt was struggling to stay awake and sit up to hold him.

Starting to doze off again, so tired and the pain medication making him even more sleepy.

''Matt!''

Opening his eyes again, Gabby took Spencer from his arms.

''You can't fall asleep like that!''

''I'm sorry!'' Matt said upset. The last thing he wanted was to endanger their son. ''We should have kept Kelly around.''

''But I just want to be with you.''

''Well, I am clearly not fit to be a dad.'' Matt said a bit upset as he got up from the bed, a sharp pain in his chest and walking to the bathroom. Throwing some water in his face, he tried to wake up a bit more. Sitting down on the edge of the bath, he pressed his hand against his throbbing side and took a deep breath.

It sucked. All he wanted was to be a dad but his body seemed to work against him, as it had done since the honeymoon. All he wanted was being a happy family with Gabby but his own body made it harder and harder.

He hated it so much. All he had wanted was to be happily married with Gabby and even now on their first night together an family, it was still hard because his body was in ruins.

A bit later, Gabby walked into the bathroom.

''I put Spencer back to bed, come on, we should too.''

In his face she could see that he was really upset.

''it's okay, Spencer is fine.''

''It is not fine, I hate how everything is now.'' Matt said upset.

''Come on, let's go back to bed.'' She said as she grabbed his upper arm and helped him get up. Struggling walking with her, they got back to bed and laid down.

''I….I just hate how I can't do anything properly anymore.-'' Matt struggled to keep talking. His chest was hurting more and he could barely breath and even though he was so happy to be home, it was getting harder and harder.

He struggled the most because he felt he was getting a worse husband for Gabby and he hated all this cancer stuff.

''I can't even be a good dad for Spencer now.''

''That is because it is soon after the surgery, you will get better quick, I am sure.''

She kissed him on his forehead then.

''I love you…and we will get through this…and I am just happy to have you home.'' Gabby assured him, holding him close, hoping that soon it would be easier for him, and that she scans would soon be good, so he could finally be the husband he was before all of this had happened, and the dad he wanted to be.

 **So Matt is home but it is not all going to be easy for here, and they are still nervous for the news that is still going to be coming up about his scans. Thank you so much for reading and please let me know what you think!**


	32. Check up

**Hi, here is chapter 32! I hope you like this chapter and I am sorry it took so long for the chapter to come up. I moved countries this weekend and it was really busy, but I really hope you do like this chapter and please let me know at the end!**

* * *

 **ONE WEEK LATER**

Gabby and Matt slowly made their way towards the hospital.

''Wait a second.'' Matt panted as they were at the door. He was ready out of breath and he hated that.

''Want me to get you a wheelchair?'' Gabby asked worried.

''No.'' Matt said a bit angry, panting for a few more seconds before he got up again. Kelly tried to support him a bit. Even though now Matt had been home for a week, he had tried to do more and more. He had had met with a physical therapist twice, and even though it was still hard, he was slowly getting better, but how slow it was going frustrated him.

Today he was meeting with his oncologist to see how the surgery scar was healing up and he had to meet with a therapist. Even though he did not really want to, his oncologist had set it up.

Kelly and Christie had offered to help out Gabby started to feel better, and drove him here today so that they could go together. Spencer was looked after by Antonio at home.

''We are going to be late.'' Matt panted.

''Your doctor will understand.'' Gabby assured him. After a while they did arrive in the doctor's office and were greeted.

''Can you just sit up here?'' The doctor asked and Matt sat down on the examination bed, taking his shirt off with some help from Gabby.

The scar that was on the side of his chest was still red, but healing nicely.

''It is all looking great, however, that does not mean that you can do everything again. I need you to keep taking it calm and carefully.''

''I will, believe me, I can't do much else.'' Matt admitted.

''You will feel better soon.'' The doctor promised.

''Can I start lifting and holding up my son though?'' Matt asked then, honestly, he had accepted that there was not a long he could do, but he really wanted to hold his little son.

''That depends on how it feels for you, but I wouldn't encourage you pushing yourself. You can try because I know how stubborn you are but I am worried about you pushing yourself.'' The doctor warned him.

''I will be careful.'' Matt promised.

After that meet up, they walked to the office with the therapist.

Sitting down, he felt a bit uncomfortable. He really didn't want to be here but his oncologist had told him to.

Finally he started talking with the therapist more, but honestly he got more and more annoyed.

''I uh, I know I can't be a firefighter anymore, but I am not going to sit around anymore…I mean if my scans come back clear I will be in remission, so why sit around at home all day.'' Matt admitted.

''I know but we will have to see what is suitable for you and how you can slowly build up starting to work again.'' The therapist warned him.

''I know but…I never gave up my contracting company, so I want to start that up soon again.''

''How do you feel about not being able to go back to your own life?'' the therapist asked then.

''You may not get this, but I liked my life before the cancer, and I want to get back to that as much as I can.'' Matt said a bit angry. ''I was on the edge of dead after the surgery so I am not just going to sit on my ass waiting for the rest of my life to pass.''

''Matt.'' Gabby said softly, not liking to see him so angry. Even though she got where he was coming from, she didn't like seeing him so angry.

''I get that, please just let me help you with getting back to your old life, because it may not be so easy as you think.''

''Okay.'' Matt finally said and they shook hands, Matt and Gabby going home to be with their son again.

Coming home, they saw Antonio sitting on the couch with Spencer in his arms.

''You were supposed to put him in bed!'' Gabby said as she saw her brother still holding Spencer.

''But I – I just wanted to cuddle with my nephew.'' Antonio admitted.

Gabby chuckled.

''How did it go?'' Antonio asked Matt.

''Fine.'' Matt just mumbled, sitting down again as well.

After having a bit more time together, Antonio got ready to leave then.

''Alright, take care you two.'' Antonio said and Gabby and Matt put Spencer back to bed, Matt going to bed as well for a nap and only waking up when it was time for dinner. After dinner, he sat down on the couch and Gabby was still walking around, nervous for some reason.

Matt suddenly grabbed her hand, making her stop.

''Come here.'' He smiled, laying his arm around Gabby as she sat down.

''I love you.'' He just said, kissing her on her head.

''I love you too.''

''Today was good.'' He smiled, even though he was tired and sore, he was glad to be here with her and everything was fine so far.

''What was wrong at the doctor's today?'' Gabby asked worried.

''I just get really annoyed when everything seems to be all about cancer…I am still a person, and not just the cancer. I just hope the scans come back clean, because I don't know what to do otherwise.'' Matt admitted.

''It will be fine, I am sure.'' Gabby assured him as she laid down against him.

''I just get upset because all I want is to go back to how things were and even though it will never be exactly the same, but I just want to be done with all this cancer stuff and just be Matt again.''

''You will always be Matt, the man I married, and the man I love…and nothing else.'' Gabby smiled and they shared a kiss, followed by a cry from Spencer.

''Duty is calling.'' Gabby smiled and she got up to go get Spencer. He was such a sweet little baby and barely cried, which made it a lot easier for the new parents, even though they wanted that.

She took him in her arms and he was still crying.

''Must be hungry, or in need from a dad hug.'' She smiled as she walked into the living room.

She handed him to Matt and Matt held him close. It was a bit easier now than when he had gotten home from the hospital, although it still wasn't very easy against his chest.

Spencer was happy to be with his dad now and he was suddenly a lot more silent now that Matt was holding him.

Gabby was smiling as she came walking back. Even with everything that was going on, she was still so glad to see him as a dad and she was so happy to see him cheered up.

''You feed him.'' She smiled as she handed the bottle to him and he did so.

''He looks like you so so much.'' Gabby smiled and he nodded.

''Yeah, we can hope that will still wear off.''

''Its not a bad thing.'' Gabby smiled as she kissed him on his cheek.

They got tired as well and after a bit more cuddling with mom and dad, Spencer started to fall asleep.

''Let's bring him to bed.'' Gabby said. ''And try to get some sleep ourselves too.''

Even though they tried, it was hard to sleep enough because Spencer woke them up throughout the night.

''Okay, I got him.'' Matt smiled and Gabby was still holding him, worried about him but carefully he put their son in his little bed and put the blanket over him., tucking it in on the sides and putting the pacifier in his mouth.

''See, all good.'' Matt smiled. Even though he was exhausted after the long day and the hospital visit, he was really happy.

Gabby laid her arm around him, smiling as she had put their son to bed and they looked as he was asleep in the crib, peacefully.

''He is so gorgeous, I am so proud.'' Matt smiled then. After all that had happened, this made him so happy.

''I love you so much.''

''I love you so much too.'' He said, pulling her in his arms, so happy to be here with her, and with their little son, finally having the family they always wanted.

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading this new update. I am sorry it took so long but I hope you understand. Please let me know what you thought by leaving a review with what you thought and hopefully till next chapter! Next chapter is a week later again, with Matts results and a big decision for the future.**


	33. Remission

**Here is the big chapter! I hope you like this chapter! Please let me know at the end!**

 **One week later**

Matt and Gabby walked towards the hospital. Matt was holding the stroller that he pushed forward. Spencer was asleep in the stroller and the pacifier fell out of his mouth. Gabby popped it back in and together they walked to oncology. Even though Matt was still tired out quickly, the small bit to the car into the hospital he managed with the support from the stroller and Gabby had his arm around her.

Today they were going to get the scan results and he was sure that it was going to be a good day.

They walked to the office and the oncologist walked to the stroller, knew that the couple had been through a lot with the chemo, the surgery and a pregnancy.

''That is the little man you helped me meet.'' Matt smiled.

''Oh he is gorgeous! What a little cutie.'' The doctor smiled, looking at Spencer. Spencer remained asleep in the stroller as they sat down by the desk.

''So uhm…what are the results.'' Matt said nervous, not even wanting to go over the whole chitchat.

''The scans came back all clean and your blood looked good, so I can tell you that you are now in remission.'' The oncologist said immediately, not wanting to let the nervous couple wait.

Matt sighed relieved, and Gabby flung her arms around him.

''That means we will do regular scans, but as long as the scans back clean you will stay in remission. It does not mean you are cured, but there is no more signs of the cancer.'' The oncologist explained. ''However, we need to keep a close eye on you, cause even though it looks good now, it can still come back.''

''I know.'' Matt admitted.

''How many patients relapse?'' Gabby asked worried.

''About 40%.'' The doctor admitted. '''But that is of no concern now.''

Matt and Gabby nodded and after scheduling the next scan, they walked out of the hospital and Matt pulled Gabby closed, kissing her on top of her head then.

They made their way home and after lunch and feeding Spencer, Matt went to call the firehouse. He had already called Christie and Violet and Antonio in the car, but he wanted to tell them as well. Even though he had wanted to go tell them in person, the good diagnosis had also made him so excited he was tired now, but he still wanted to tell them.

Matt was sitting on the couch, calling to the firehouse and talking about the results of the scans.

''Yeah, complete remission…yeah scans every 3 months.''

Walking up behind him, she wrapped her arms around him, so happy they were going to be okay. She was sure that he was going to be fine, and she was so proud that he had beat this for now, that they had beat this together.

Kissing him on his head, she looked along with the video call and it was so great to see the others. She was so happy to be a mom and be on maternity leave, but she was also looking forward to going back in a few months.

They ordered dinner after, having a big dinner together to celebrate.

Matt got showered after and as Spencer was a big squirmy after Gabby had fed him, he took him with him and laid him on the bed beside him, caressing him through his short hair and son his little son fell asleep.

''Daddy is better… and I promise I am going to be great daddy for you.'' Matt smiled. Gabby came walking from the bathroom and laid down on the bed as well, caressing Spencer over his little cheek. It was so cute how he laid close to Matt and was falling asleep.

''Your daddy had such good news today…and now we are so happy…and you are just sleeping through it.'' Gabby laughed.

''Now that I am in remission…it is nice to be able to look at the future again.'' He smiled and she nodded.

''Yeah, although I never stopped making plans for the future.'' Gabby told him and he smiled.

''I know, but I just wanted to be careful.'' He admitted. ''And even now, it might still come back…but at least we can go on with our lives.''

Gabby nodded and they shared a kiss.

Looking in-between them their son was fast asleep.

''I uh, when I feel a bit better I am going to let the doctors to a sperm count, maybe we can still have that big family we always wanted.'' Matt said. ''It is not that I am not happy with just Spencer…and we will still wait sometime, but I do want to try.''

Now he knew he had overcome this, he was trusting that he and Gabby had a future again together.

Gabby nodded. Even though she knew that their chances were really low and they would most likely not have another biological kid of them together, with his body wrecked by the chemo, but she was glad that he was with her and there was a big change that he got to see his son grow up.

Spencer was squirming a bit and grabbed Gabby's finger, smiling again.

''Alright, let's put him to bed, before he wakes us up again in a few hours.'' Matt said. Even thought they were getting used to going out of bed at night, it still made him so tired, as his whole body was still tired and he felt so sore.

They put him to bed and even though they cuddled a bit longer, Matt soon lost the battle against sleep too and they fell asleep, only to be woken up by their son a few hours later.

''I will go get him.'' Matt said softly and got up from the bed. Worried Gabby looked after him as he stumbled from the bed into the halfway, still really tired. He came back with Spencer and handed him to her, and before she could see anything he walked to the kitchen to get the bottle ready.

Even with the good news of today, the tired new was hitting him hard again and made him a bit less hopeful. Holding himself up by the counter he prepped the bottle and walked back to the bathroom.

''Here, got the bottle.'' Matt said softly as he handed it over and laid down in the bed again, before she could even say something again, he seemed to fall asleep immediately.

Even now that he was remission, he had a long way to go recovering. Even though he was in remission now, there was still a long way to go until he was back in his old self.

Gabby put Spencer back in his crib and walked back to the bed, covering Matt with the blanket and caressed him through the short hair. It was growing back slowly and she kissed him on his forehead again.

Even though it was still a long way, it looked that they were going to have a lot more time together as well now.

They had a future again, and that made her so happy.

Holding him close, holding his hand and feeling their wedding rings hit together, she was so glad to have him, and that they had gotten through all of this.

It was all up from here now.

 **Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked this chapter. I know a lot of you were waiting to hear the news on Matt! I am working on chapters of other stories now but the next chapter of story should be up soon too. Thank you so much for reading again, please let me know what you think and till next chapter!**


	34. Firehouse

**Here is the next chapter of the story, I hope you like this one!**

* * *

''You ready to go little boy?'' Matt smiled as he was finishing dressing Spencer back up. It was just about two and they had promised the firehouse that they would be there at three. Even though it was a short walk, Matt knew it was going to take him a lot longer to get there this time.

Gabby was packing up the stuff and he was making sure Spencer was ready to meet his firehouse family.

Lifting him up and carrying him to the stroller, he put him down again and he was waving his arms a little bit and Matt waved back, making sure he packed in well.

Gabby came to join them as well and she kissed him on his cheek.

''You ready?''

''Yes, yes I am.'' He smiled and they got their jackets.

''Are you sure you want to walk all the way.''

''Yeah.'' Matt nodded and Gabby let him hold the stroller as they started walking towards the firehouse. It was only about a mile away, but for Matt that was almost the end of the world now.

They left their building and started walking.

Spencer was still awake and his little hands were fumbling with the blanket. But after a while he did fall asleep and he was not the only one tired, Gabby saw Matt started to struggle as well, even though they were only walking for a few minutes.

''I am going to sit down.'' He admitted then, tired and sore. Even a month after the surgery, it was still hard and even though he worked with the therapist almost every day, improvement was slow.

Gabby sat down beside him and caressed his hand.

''We can sit down any time baby, the fire house is not going anywhere.''

''Its frustrating.'' He admitted, taking a deep breath.

''I know, but you are getting better.'' She smiled, kissing him on his cheek.

It was three days ago now since they had heard that was into complete remission. It was great news and even though they knew that someday it could come back, they were also assured by the oncologist that Matt could easily be in the 60% where it would never come back, and that he would be fine, so they started focusing on the future again.

Gabby was going back to work on light duty in two more weeks and Matt knew that he could no longer come back to the firehouse, but he had taken on a contracting job for next week, although he was going to get some help from Kelly to see how it would go. Honestly, he was not sure if he was ready. But even though they were managing at the moment, it was getting expensive to live, especially with Matts medication and hospital bills, and some money had to be earned soon again.

''Alright, let's go again.'' He said, getting up and they walked on a bit more, stopping one more time but getting at the firehouse then.

The trucks were out so they sat down in the common room. Matt was slumped down in a seat by the table, panting a little bit as he was exhausted from walking, but glad he was here.

Gabby came walking back with Spencer after changing his diaper.

''Left a present for Herrmann…I can't believe what he did to your office.''

''Not my office.'' Matt said but got up then, slowly walking that way. It hurt a bit to walk here, knowing he could never come back, but knew that he had to be grateful that he was still here and could still be with his family.

In the office, he saw how messy it was, but even though it was so different from when it was his, he knew it was Herrmann's now and not something that he should think a lot about.

They had just come home from the honeymoon and he was so ready to just start working again, but so soon after he had finally come back to work, he had been diagnosed with cancer and he had soon been in treatments, and had to stop out of what felt nowhere.

Walking back to the common room, Gabby sat on the couch with Spencer in her arms, the little boy asleep again and he sat down beside her, smiling as Spencer looked so peacefully asleep.

They heard the big doors open and the trucks came pulling back in.

Walking in, they were all very excited to see Matt, Gabby and their little son and swarmed around them.

''He is gorgeous.'' Kidd said as she took him in his arms.

''He looks a bit too much like Matt though.'' Kelly joked and Boden came walking in now as well.

''Ah, there he is.'' Boden smiled and Kidd handed Spencer to Boden and he looked at the little boy.

''He is really beautiful.''

''We did our best.'' Matt smiled and they all laughed. It was nice to finally have the team together again and it was hard, it was really hard because Matt was suddenly gone because he got sick, and now he was not coming back. Even though he would still be around on important moments, it was hard to say goodbye to such a big member of their firehouse family.

They ordered dinner in the firehouse and after dinner, with Spencer getting fidgety and them not be away from home and his rhythm for too long, they got ready to leave then.

''We can take a cab.'' Gabby offered as she saw him getting tired but he shook his head.

''I will be fine.'' He assured her and they started to walk.

Halfway though, Matt was too tired to keep walking so they had to signal cab. At home, he immediately laid down into bed and Gabby went to put Spencer to bed. As it was getting tiresome to get out of bed at night, especially with Matt being so tired, Antonio and Kelly had helped them by moving Spencer's crib to their own bedroom for now.

Spencer was in the

''Tired?''

''Yeah.'' He admitted, rolling over on his back and pulling her closer.

She laid close to him as he was breathing slowly and caressed him over his chest. Even though it was getting a little bit better every time, it was hard to see him like this.

''Want me to get you some medication?'' She asked she helped him sit up a bit more to make it easier to breath.

''Yeah.''

She went to get it, Matt slowly getting a bit easier and walked back to him.

''Here.'' She smiled, helping him get the medication down and he laid down again, sitting up a bit with the pillows in his back and she laid close to him again, hoping the pain would go away soon and breathing would be easier.

''It was really nice to see them all…and they are such a great family…it is great that you get to go back there…because it is a family.'' Matt smiled then.

''Yeah, and you always belong there too.'' Gabby told him again, putting the blanket over him then.

Spencer was still asleep and she crawled close to him as they looked through the bars at their little son peacefully asleep.

''I can't wait to start working again, and provide for you.'' Matt said then.

''Well you know, I just need you to get better first, and then we will be fine.'' She said and kissed him on his face, Matt soon falling asleep with the medication finally working and she held him close. All they needed now was to be a family.

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked this chapter. Thank you so much for reading again, please let me know what you think and till next chapter!**


	35. Overwhelmed

**One week later**

* * *

Kelly and Matt were working on the porch that Matt had been asked to fix. He was glad Kelly was here to help him out with the contracting job as it was really hot, and he was struggling to breath. He really tried, but it was hard. But he had already taken the job so he didn't want to say no.

Plus he had promised Gabby that he would start working again so he wanted to prove that he could do it.

Even though he knew that he was not cleared to work again, he really wanted to do for her and Spencer.

''You okay up there?'' Kelly asked concerned. Matt was standing up on the ladder and even though it was nice to see his friend there, working again.

Matt started to step down a bit.

''Yeah, just really humid.'' Matt admitted, making it hard to breath.

''Well come down then, I can do it.'' Kelly said, Matt turning around.

''Yeah.'' Matt said, taking one step down, suddenly feeling he was going to fall.

''Hey, hey!'' Kelly said worried as he could just grab Matt in time before he'd fall of the ladder. Carefully laying him down on the ground, he grabbed his friends phone to call for help, Matt struggling to breath.

''Damnit Matt.'' He mumbled worried as he tried to get the code to unlock his phone right.

Finally with the wedding date, the phone unlocked. Calling for help, he looked worried at his friend.

Gabby was walking around the house, taking care of some stuff as Spencer was making soft sounds from the playpen he as in. She was really anxious to hear how Matt's first day back on the job was.

The phone rang then and she took the phone, worried as she saw it was Kelly and since he was there he was there with Matt.

Hearing Matt had been admitted to the hospital, she was so scared.

Heading towards the hospital, she was so glad she could bring Spencer to Antonio now.

Walking into the ER, she asked for Matt and was soon brought to one of the stretchers, the curtains close and Matt was on the bed, his eyes closed with a breathing mask.

''Is he okay?''

''He is okay, he woke up a bit earlier. He had a lot of trouble breathing but the mask and medication helps.'' Kelly said. ''They took him for a scan to check his chest.''

Gabby nodded and sat down.

''Thanks for acting so fast.'' She told Kelly, taking Matt's hand.

''I will go clean up at the scene…finish and I'll bring your truck back tomorrow, you look after him.'' Kelly said and Gabby nodded.

''Thanks so much!''

''Let me know how he is when you get the results.''

''I will.''

Kelly left and she still sat with Matt.

After a bit, he opened his eyes again, seemingly annoyed by the mask already and trying to take it off. Gabby pushed his hand away and his hand went to the IV then, that was connected to the port that was still there from the chemo.

''Stop it Matt!'' She said angry.

Finally, he stopped, looking at her then.

''Sorry.'' He mumbled then, realizing where he was.

''Damnit Matt, I told you to be careful.'' Gabby said upset.

''I was.'' Matt mumbled softly.

''You collapsed.'' She said worried as she sat down by his bedside.

''Was just working…''

''Ít was too much for you, give it some time before starting to work, okay?'' Gabby said a bit upset but glad that he was okay.

''I am fine.'' He said softly then, moving the mask down.

''Shut up.'' Gabby said a bit angry, pushing the mask up over his mouth and nose again.

After a while, Matt started to feel better and even sat up now. A nurse came to see him now.

''The scans came back clear. It was probably over exhaustion from the construction work.'' The nurse told him. ''I am pretty sure your oncologist and physical therapist have told you to not start working for another few weeks.''

Matt looked sideways, Gabby looking at him angry.

''Do I need to stay? I feel a lot better already.'' Matt said then.

''I will talk to the doctor, the IV is almost done so I will remove that soon.''

Gabby and Matt waited a bit longer before the nurse came back.

''Alright, you are good to go once you feel up for it.'' The nurse came to tell Matt and she removed the IV and Matt nodded, happy to clear the bed again. Slowly he got up and with Gabby he walked to the desk to sign his discharge papers, going home then.

He was holding her arm as they walked to the car and she was just glad she got to take him home.

In the car, they were silent. Matt was disappointed he could not finish the dog and Gabby was a bit angry with him, even though she knew it was not only his fault. Although he was slowly getting better, the sickness had ravaged his body and even though he got a bit better every day, he overestimated himself too much.

They drove by Antonio to pick up Spencer and at home, Matt got settled on the couch with Spencer, relaxing for a bit. Breathing slowly got easier and he put Spencer down the playpen, the little boy asleep.

Getting up, he walked to their kitchen and sat down by the kitchen island.

''Gabby, I just want you to know I am really sorry.''

''You lied to me!'' Gabby said upset now.

''I am sorry, I really am. I felt fine enough though.''

''Matt, you collapsed!'' Gabby said furious and finally she took a deep breath.

''Right, I should've known you were going to do this but Matt, I have been so concerned about you this last year…and –''

''I forgot, we are almost married for a year now.'' He interrupted her.

''Don't distract me, I am ranting!'' She said as she threw a kitchen towel his way, but smiling a bit then. Their one year anniversary was only 15 days away.

''Don't think I am not mad with you though, because I am.''

''I know, and you have the right to be.'' Matt said. ''I felt horrible hiding it form you but with everything that had happened I just wanted thing to be normal again, for you too.''

Gabby kissed him on his forehead.

''I know, I know. It will be soon enough.'' She kissed him and got up then before dinner would be burned.

After dinner, She took Spencer out in the stroller to walk for a bit in the park near their home.

It was warm summer night so it was nice to walk outside for a bit, plus Matt had wanted to get up and walk around a bit, coming with her, but told him to stay at home and rest.

She kept walking for a bit around the park, but not too far s it was hot and Matt was struggling, so she did not want to leave him alone for too long.

Walking back inside, she looked as he was asleep on the couch and she took Spencer, feeding him in the kitchen so Matt could stay asleep.

He woke up a bit later and walked her way.

''Had a nice walk?'' He asked as he sat down across from her at the table.

''Yeah, its very humid though, not good for you.'' She said.

''As if you would let me walk.''

''True.'' Gabby laughed, burping Spencer but he threw up over her shirt then.

''Oh now we both need to be changed.'' She crunched her nose and Matt laughed.

''Can you change him?'' She asked and he nodded. Walking with him to the nursery she made sure he was okay with him, going to change her shirt then and when she walked back inside the room, Matt had sat down on the chest where they kept his stuff for the winter with spencer in his arms, the boy falling asleep.

''All clean again.'' He smiled as she sat down across from him in the rocking chair that was in the corner.

''Glad to see you up and about again.''

''It is just really annoying to not be improving.'' Matt admitted.

''But you are. Three weeks ago, you would not even walk around the park with Spencer like this, you couldn't do it tonight, but you wanted to…and you are gaining weight again, plus you are doing well in physical therapy, he even said you can soon carefully start doing your runs again.'' Gabby smiled at him.

''That is true.'' He said with a small smile now. He knew that even though it was frustrating sometimes, he had to count his blessings that he was here with his family and he was doing better slowly.

''You are right.'' He said as he sat up a bit more.

''You know I always am.'' She teased him.

''Alright, let's get this little man in bed.'' Matt said then and Gabby took him from her, putting him down in the crib.

After watching him fall asleep, they sat down on the couch together.

''Look, I know how much I had to fight to be here with you and Spencer and I know I am stupid for pushing myself like that…I am sorry.-''

''Don't say you won't do it again…because I know you will.'' She said, ''but you know what, that also is good, because if you were not so damn stubborn, I might have lost you.''

He smiled and they shared a kiss.

''Well, I am here now, and I am in it for the long term…and I can't wait to have a future with you, Gabby Casey – Dawson.'' He smiled.

They shared another kiss, forgetting about the bad times today, but knew together they would be fine, together with their little boy.

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked this chapter. Please let me know what you think and till next chapter!**


	36. Anniversairy

**15 days later**

* * *

Gabby was making dinner as she was waiting for Matt to come home.

She knew he had had a long day at the hospital with physical therapy and a rehabilitation doctor, to see how he could return to a job.

She had wanted to go with him, but he had insistent he would go alone. Even though she wanted to support and be with him, she also knew he wanted to be alone sometimes, and not to rely on her.

Today was their 1 year wedding anniversary and they were going to have a calm night in.

Matt had been thinking about the things they could do and they had wanted to plan a romantic night out, but honestly after everything that had happened the last year, all they wanted was to have a night together with each other and with little Spencer.

They had talked about going to a fancy restaurant but after everything, they just wanted to be together.

The door opened and Matt walked in.

''How are you, how was today?'' She asked as she walked towards him, kissing him.

''It was okay, I am going to shower and Ill join you then.'' He said as he kissed her on her cheek, smiling as he was looking forward to tonight.

''How was your day?''

''Busy, but good.'' She smiled as he walked to the playpen, lifting up Spencer and kissing the boy on his cheek. Spencer started to laugh and Gabby smiled as he was so good with the baby.

He put Spencer back and Gabby was setting the last stuff on the table, made sure Spencer was all good and put him down in the crib for a nap.

Matt came walking out their bedroom, ready after showering and both of them sat down for dinner.

Matt was opening the bottle of wine as Gabby put the starters on their plates.

She had put so much effort in dinner and the starter looked so gorgeous.

A year ago they had gotten married in a little chapel, followed by a reception by Molly's and it had just been perfect for them.

''This is so good.'' He smiled as the salmon tartar she had made was so good.

''I am so glad you like it.''

Now that chemo was a while ago, he finally started to get some of his taste back and he enjoyed eating again. So she had made everything he had likes before, glad that he finally enjoyed having dinner with her again.

''It was amazing.'' He smiled as he finished the started and Gabby took the plates, starting up the last bit she had to do for the main.

''I am glad you like it.''

As she put everything on the stove again to warm it up, they sat down waiting for it and Matt knew it was time to give his surprise.

''I got you something…and I don't know if you like it, and I know it is a bit much, but after this year you have proofed so much how you meant when you said yes to the vows, and I love you so much.'' He said as he got up and got something from one of the drawers.

Handing her the little wrapped box, she looked surprised.

''Babe, I thought we said no presents.'' She said then and she was smiling though, thought it was so sweet, even though they had said no presents.

''I still wanted to give you something, Gabby I love you so much, and I am proud to call you my wife, and you have been amazing this past year.'' He said then, kissing her and she started to unwrap the box.

''Matt-''

''Your newlywed husband got cancer and it wasn't easy for you, and you stayed and supported me all this time , and I want to show you how much I appreciate that.'' Matt said and Gabby had almost opened it now.

''Oh Matt, it is gorgeous.'' Gabby sighed as she looked at the necklace. It was a simple silver necklace with a little heart, but she liked it so much.

''Thank you, it is gorgeous…'' Gabby smiled and he got up to put it around her neck, kissing her again.

They finished up dinner and Spencer was crying now, Gabby going to take care of him while Matt loaded the dishwasher.

When he was done he brought the wine to the living room and Gabby came walking his way with Spencer.

''He has got a fresh nappie and is ready to be cuddled.'' Gabby smiled as she handed Spencer to him and he held the little boy close.

''I will just go get some snacks.'' She smiled then

He was sitting holding Spencer, the little boy smiling at his dad. He still looked like Matt so much and Matt was so proud to be his dad. It was something they had never even hoped for a few months ago, not sure if Matt would make it to their anniversary and hold their son.

''Ah, he loves you so much.'' Gabby smiled Spencer was playing with Matt's shirt.

''Yeah, well, he loves you too…and I love you a lot too.'' Matt smiled back.

She sat down close to them and smiled as Spencer was falling asleep in Matt's arms.

''You want to put him back in the crib?'' Gabby asked but Matt shrugged.

''He can stay with us.'' Matt smiled, wanting to hold him a bit longer.

They started off the movie and laid against each other, so happy to be together.

Last year when they had been standing at the altar, she was sure that they would be so happy together for years, and only a few weeks after the wedding, he had gotten his diagnosis. With the surgery only barely behind him, it had been scary, and she felt they were so lucky to celebrate the year together now.

After the movie, they put Spencer to bed and kissed, walking to the bedroom.

In the bedroom, she pulled his shirt over his head, kissing him again.

Feeling his chest go up and down rapid on one side, she calmed down a bit, still kissing him, but slowly they caressed each other, undressed each other.

They were slow, careful, but so glad that they could celebrate they were married for a year now.

She kissed him in his neck, tracing down and saw the line next his shoulder where the port had been. Kissing the line, Matt kissed her on top of her head.

''It will fade.'' He said as he saw her look.

''It doesn't matter.'' She smiled. On the other side of the chest was the large scar of the surgery.

It was the first time they were getting this intimate since the surgery. It was still hard because of his chest and how much it hurt and how tired he got.

But carefully they made out, got intimate and started exploring each other again. Kissing, making love, careful tender but s loving, they felt so blessed that they were still together after a year. With everything that had happened over the last year, everything that was still going on, they were just so happy that they were here, together and Matt was not going there any time soon.

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 **Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked this chapter. Please let me know what you think and till next chapter!**


	37. New Life

**2 weeks later**

* * *

''I love you.'' He kissed her on the temple and she handed Spencer back to him, sharing a kiss.

''Love you too, see you tomorrow.'' Gabby said and she swung her back around her shoulder, leaving then after waving and Matt looked out of the window as she got not he car.

He really hated how she was going back to work while there was nothing he could do for his family. He tried some more simpler constructing jobs, but without Kelly he barely managed. He just god tired and couldn't deliver the work that he wanted to for his customers.

But he hoped that that would get better, and he knew that if it was not going to improve, he had to go look at something else.

''Just me and you know, bud.'' Matt said as he walked back to the living room with Spencer and put him the playpen to pack up his stuff.

He had just had breakfast Gabby and he had to pack up his stuff to go to the hospital today for some check-ups and physical therapy. Even though he had tried to move it, he knew he had to go today so he was going to take Spencer with him.

Matt was packing his own bag as well as the bag for Spencer, to take care of him those hours that they were out.

''Just got to sit down for a minute.'' Matt said and Spencer laughed as Matt tickled him on his stomach. Soon he got up again to finish packing up the bags and they got on their way.

Even though he really wanted to drive himself, he knew that with the medication he was still on, it was not a good idea to he took the bus instead.

Arriving at the hospital he met with his doctor for some smaller check-ups and talked about the medication, going to physical therapy then and while he tried to work out – as much as his sore chest still allowed – Spencer stayed right asleep.

Even though Matt could feel that he was improving with the physical therapy, he tried not to get annoyed it took so long and even though that was not easy, he did try to stay positive and after running for a small bit today – exhausted after – he did feel achieved and soon he and Spencer where on their way out again.

''Let's go see how mommy is doing.'' Matt smiled and he walked to the firehouse. It was nice to be out and Spencer awake, grabbing at him with his little hands.

When he arrived at the driveway, he texted Gabby to make sure he was not interrupting anything or they were not out for a call and Gabby came walking outside.

''Hey, just thought we would drop by to see how you are getting on at work.'' He said and Gabby kissed him on his cheek, walking to the stroller then and picked up Spencer.

''Oh my little handsome boy.'' Gabby smiled, kissing him on his cheek.

''I have been replaced.'' Matt smiled.

''Was he okay being at physical therapy with you?'' Gabby asked then.

''Yeah, he slept right through.'' Matt smiled.

''Come on inside, I am sure they would love to see you and Spencer.'' Gabby smiled and he walked with the stroller as she carried Spencer.

Honestly, he had just wanted to see Gabby and he had not been so sure on meeting everybody in the firehouse since he did not want to interrupt them, and also that he no longer really felt at home here.

It had always been his home, but now it felt hard to be around there.

Walking into the common room though, even though he wasn't so sure at first, he was really glad to be here again. Even though he still had to get used to it no longer being his workplace, it was nice seeing all the people on shift and catching up with them.

Most of them were so glad to see Spencer as well and as he was growing up so quickly, a lot of them commented on that as well.

He walked to his old office for a second, knew it was no longer his office but he did not want to take his medication in front of everybody.

''You okay?''

Herrmann walked up behind him.

''Yeah, sorry I should have asked you, it is your office now, not mine.''

''It's fine.''

''Not really getting used to the idea that this is no longer my office.'' Matt admitted.

''That is not strange, and it must be hard.''

''Yeah, but you know, I have Gabby and Spencer and all of you, so it will be fine.'' Matt said then, getting up to walk back to the common room, not wanting to dwell on the past any longer.

He stayed just a bit longer but knew that it was time to go home. He was tired and his chest was getting sore, making it harder to breath, plus it had been a long day out for Spencer too now.

He called for a taxi and packed up his stuff, Gabby walked with him as he waited outside for the taxi to come get them.

''You going to be okay tonight?'' Gabby asked as he got ready to leave.

''We will be fine. Just going to take it easy tonight.'' Matt smiled and she nodded.

''Yeah, you look tired, take care.''

They shared another kiss and Matt got in the cab with Spencer.

At home, he sat down on the couch to bottle feed the little boy and even though he was tired, he was really happy he got to be his daddy, and that he had enough energy to look after his son now that Gabby was back at work. He watched TV a bit longer, taking Spencer to their bedroom then. He and Gabby and moved the lightweight crib back here again yesterday so it was a bit easier on him and he put Spencer down. Even though he was 3,5 months now, he did not sleep through the night yet but Matt hoped to get at least 6 hours of sleep before, so he could sleep a bit longer after.

He took his medication and laid down in bed then, Spencer asleep in the crib behind the bed and he switched the light off, falling asleep almost immediately.

It had been a good first day being with Spencer alone. It had not been easy, but it was so nice that he could take care of his son now and spend more time with him.

Suddenly, a bit later, he was awoken by his phone ringing on the nightstand and he woke up, Spencer awake as well when he switched on the light.

''Hello?'' He answered, sounding really sleepy.

''Did I wake you up?'' She asked worried.

''Yeah.'' He mumbled.

''I am really sorry.''

''Hey no that is fine. He just woke up too, laying looking at me.'' Matt smiled as he looked at the little boy looking at him through the bars. ''Better go give him a cuddle now.''

Gabby was so glad to hear that everything was going fine. Even though she was sure that it was going to be fine, she was a bit worried because he did get overwhelmed sometimes and even though he tried really hard, she knew it was taking a toll on his body today.

''Alright, I will let you go back to sleep then…glad to hear everything is fine.'' Gabby said then and they said goodnight, Matt falling asleep soon after Spencer was settled back in his crib again.

He woke up once more in the night as Spencer was crying and after bottle feeding him, he soon fell asleep.

Waking up in the morning, Gabby was sitting on the edge of the bed.

''Hey.'' Matt smiled, glad to see she was home.

''Hey.''

''How was your shift?'

''Ít was good. Nice to be back at home…and I am really glad everything went fine for you too.'' She smiled as she caressed the side of his face.

They shared a kiss.

It was different than how they had thought things would be, but it was nice that it had gone well the first time.

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked this chapter. Please let me know what you think and till next chapter!**


	38. Night Out

**A few months later**

* * *

Gabby walked back into the house. As usual when she came back from shift, Matt and Spencer were still asleep and after checking on Spencer quickly, she walked to their bedroom and sat down on the bed, Matt still asleep and caressed him through his hair.

He began to wake up and smiled at her when he saw it was her.

It was six months since the surgery, and since Matt was cleared with the scans and in remission.

''How are you feeling.''

''Good, good, he let me sleep through the night.'' Matt smiled and they shared a kiss.

''How was your shift?''

''It went well.'' Gabby smiled and she got up then to walk to Spencer. Carefully she opened the door and tiptoed inside, looking as the boy was still asleep in the crib.

Walking back to the bedroom, Matt was getting up now a swell. Even though he was slow getting up, he excited for today. Even though the scan was no fun, it was nice to know that they were keeping an eye on it and it would give him a peace of mind to hear that he was still in remission in a week, hopefully.

As they were ready and had breakfast, Gabby was sitting with Spencer in her arms. It was going well with Matt looking after him, even though it was still a little bit hard, she was really glad that he enjoyed being a dad so much and it was going well with her back on shift.

''I swear, he is getting bigger every time I get back from shift.'' She smiled.

''I know, I feel the same.'' Matt smiled. Even though he was only 6 months old, he was getting so big, at least that was how it felt.

It was time for Matt to go to the hospital to have his three-monthly scan, to make sure that he was still remission. Even though they were still a bit nervous about it, the last scan had still been good and even though he had no idea, he felt good.

While he was there – she would have gone with him, but he was so used to it now and as his medication had been lowered, he could drive again and she stayed with Spencer, glad to spend some time with him now she had been on shift for 24 hours.

After doing some chores she sat down next to the little blanket Spencer was playing on on his stomach, playing with some stuffed animals.

''You really like those, hmm.'' She smiled as she caressed him through his hair and he looked up at her. It made her smile as he looked like a tiny Matt, very adorable. Playing with him for a while, Matt walked in later as well.

''How was the scan?'' She asked as he came walking back in.

''Went well.'' He smiled and sat down with them.

After dinner they packed up their stuff to go to Molly's and bring Spencer to Christy. Dropping him off there, this was one of the first times they went out since they became parents.

They went to Molly's and as everybody got together here, it was so nice to be here again.

With Spencer they were going out to here less often now, also because Matt mostly didn't have the energy in the evening. But tonight they had planned on it and it would be really nice. They walked around a bit and split up then, Matt sitting with Otis, Herrmann and Kelly and she sat down next to Sylvie.

''I mean, things are good.''

''But?'' Brett saw something was bothering her friend.

''It is hard sometimes. Even though I am just so glad to have him, it is hard. We are not having the family life we thought we would have.'' Gabby admitted. She was really happy and she was happy with Matt.

''I can understand, but you are such a strong couple together and you are both so good with little Spencer.''

''Yeah, and we a really happy together, but sometimes it is hard, especially since still has not found something he wants to do, and he gets so tired, but he will get there, and it will all get easier then.'' Gabby said. She knew that even though Matt tried his best to recover as fast as he could, it might take him some time. Even after a half a year, he was nowhere near the stamina and energy he was on before the cancer.

But getting out with Spencer and fun days with friends and family, she knew it was getting easier.

Even now at the bar it was near midnight and even though she knew he was probably really tired, he was still smiling and talking and it made her feel really good.

''Is Spencer with Antonio?'' Sylvie asked her then.

''No, with Christy, his sister.'' Gabby smiled. ''She and Violet, Matt's niece, are looking after him.''

She knew that Sylvie was still curious about Antonio, even they had broken up.

After a while, some started to leave and she looked aside and saw that Matt was getting more and more tired, and as he still had to drive back, she knew that they had to call it a night first.

She walked his way and stood behind them then.

''Hey, you want to go home soon?''

''Yeah, let's go home soon.'' He nodded and after she finished her drink, they said their goodbyes and walked to the car then.

Gabby was feeling a bit tipsy after the night at the bar but it had been so great to be there with Matt. It was really what they needed, just to have a night in Molly's like old times. Even though nothing had returned to old times yet and they knew it never will, it had been really good.

Matt drove to Christy's house to pick up Spencer.

''Hey.'' Matt smiled and he took Spencer from Christie and after putting his stuff back in the car and putting Spencer in the car seat, they drove home.

''It was a really great night, felt a bit like old times.'' Matt smiled. Even though he was really tired, he had had a great time, as well as seeing Gabby enjoy herself had been really nice.

''It was really great.'' She smiled, glad he had had a good time as well, even though she knew that he was tired, it had been worth it.

They got the stuff out of the car and put Spencer to bed, laying down in their bed as well.

''Pff, I am exhausted.'' Matt sighed and he was not looking forward to their car journey tomorrow. They were driving to Kansas City to see his mother tomorrow.

''No worries, I will drive first.'' She said as she moved closer to him and kissed him. It was going to be a long road trip but it was also their first trip as a family, and Gabby was excited, they were staying in a hotel near Nancy's home and even though it was only for one night, it would be a nice time all together.

Together as a family, all they had ever hoped for. It was not easy, but it was what they wanted.

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked this chapter. Next chapter will probably be a while as I have some stuff going on in my life the next 11 days but then I should be back with an update and the update is about Matt, Gabby and Spencer going to Kansas City to see Nancy. Please let me know what you think and till next chapter!**


	39. The zoo

**Hi! Here is another update, I know this chapter was supposed to be about the road trip to Nancy but that is going to be next chapter, this chapter is another family chapter for the family. I am sorry it took so long to update but I had some stuff in my private life. I hope that you do like this chapter and please let me know what you think!**

* * *

 **The next morning**

Matt got up in the morning, surprised how tired and sore he was from just a simple night at Molly's, especially since he had not been drinking.

Getting up to go shower, he really hoped that it would be better soon as he and Gabby had such a fun day planned today with Spencer. They were going to the zoo today with little Spencer, even though he was still really young, but it would just a fun day out.

Even though it was 7 months since the surgery, he was still so tired all the time and after the late night yesterday at the bar, he felt knackered.

But he was also happy to go to the zoo with the family today.

''I packed everything.'' Gabby smiled as she walked up to him and kissed him on his temple.

''Cool, I am excited…I know Spencer wont remember any of it when he is older but it is nice to go out as a family.'' Matt smiled, finishing up getting ready.

It had been so good to have been at Molly's yesterday, finally like old times again.

Gabby was making sure that Spencer was ready to go as well and the boy was still dirty from the fruit Gabby had just fed him as Matt walked into the kitchen.

''Can you clean up his face?''

''Yeah, ofcourse.'' Matt smiled as he did so, Gabby changing her clothes as she had dropped some of the fruit for Spencer on her shirt.

Making a towel wet, he cleaned up Spencer's face then and made sure the boy was all ready to go. He was excited to go out, but was a bit worried that now he was already so tired.

''Ready?''

''Yeah, he is all cleaned up again.'' Matt smiled and Gabby smiled as she was standing with his son in his arms. Spencer was still the spitting image of him and it was so cute to see Matt with Spencer together. Over the last few months Matt had gained some power again and he was finally a bit more sure about holding his son without being nervous.

They drove to the zoo and Gabby got the stroller from the car, Matt getting Spencer now.

He put him down in the stroller and they made their way into the zoo, walking around. Matt walked with the stroller as he could get some support from it.

Looking at him and Spencer, Gabby could not be happier right now with her little family right now.

After a while, Matt began to struggle a bit more but it was time for lunch soon anyway.

'''Let's sit down soon, okay?'' Matt asked then and Gabby nodded. They sat down for lunch, Spencer napping in the stroller.

''You okay?''

''Yeah, just sore and tired, nothing new there…but it is great to be here with you and Spencer.'' He smiled and she nodded. They unpacked their lunch from the bag and enjoyed eating, Spencer falling asleep in the stroller.

Gabby chuckled for a second because he looked like Matt so much.

She took so much stuff from home Matt looked at all the stuff stalled out but he was glad she did, he knew he still had to start eating more so that he could gain some more weight. Even though he was getting better, she thought he was still a bit too skinny.

They dug in, Spencer still fast asleep and enjoyed their lunch in the sun, finally together like a family again.

''I am not scared, just a bit nervous. Even though I do feel well…I am still nervous.'' He admitted.

''I can imagine, but I am sure it is going to be fine.'' She assured him and he nodded.

He didn't want to keep thinking about Yesterdays scan but every time he had a scan, it kept going through his mind until he finally had the results. Now that he was in remission and he and Gabby were trying to live their lives again and be the best parents for Spencer they could be, he was a bit nervous. If it would come back, he had no idea that it would mean for them.

''It will be fine.'' She assured him. After finishing up lunch, Matt felt good to go again and they kept walking through the zoo, looking around at all the animals and walking together. Spencer was awake now as well and even though they knew he was way too young to comprehend what was going on, he was looking around.

Walking together, Matt was thinking about how this was what he always had imagined that this was what their future would be like with a family. Even though it was not the big family they had always expected, it was making him so happy and even though his recovery and the uncertainty for the future was still overshadowing their family life every once a while, today was finally one of those days that they could forget about it.

They had a great day together and at the end of the afternoon, it was time to go home, but both of them were really glad with how today had been.

Getting in the car to go home, Spencer fell asleep again as Gabby drove, Matt beside her, tired but happy after the long day at the zoo.

At home she put Spencer in bed, Matt settling in comfortable as well. He was tired, but is had been such a great day that he did not feel bad about being tired now.

She walked to the couch as well now, saw Matt was exhausted but it was great that they had shared this day together.

''Sorry I am so lousy-''

''Hey, don't say that. It was great today.'' She smiled at him.

''Yeah, yeah it wa family together. All I have ever dreamed off.'' Matt smiled then. He moved his arm around her and pulled her closer. With everything that had happened since their marriage, today was more he could have ever dreamed off.

Holding her hand his fingers moved around the wedding ring around her finger.

''I am so glad I have you as my wife.'' He smiled then.

''I am so glad to have you too, we make a good couple.'' She smiled.

''I knew that from the moment you walked into the firehouse-''

Gabby started to laugh. ''Oh, that is why you turned around me for years.''

Matt shook his head with a laugh now.

''I know, I know.'' He admitted then.

''It took a while to get together.'' Gabby laughed as she knew it was not his fault with everything that had been going on his life. She was just glad that they were married now and she hoped that while the scans came back clear, they would have many years of a happy marriage more.

''Are you also excited about next week?'' Gabby asked as she and Matt were going to drive Kansas city to see his mum so she could spend some time with Spencer.

''Yeah, yeah I am.'' He said, although he knew he would also hear about the scans next week.

He just hoped that that would be good news first, because especially now that he was so happy with his family, and they had had such a good day, he was worried that it was going to be taken away from them again.

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading and I Hope you liked it. Next chapter is really about the road trip to Nancy so I hope you look forward to that. Please let me know that you thought! Thanks so much again an hopefully till next chapter!**


	40. A hurdle

**A few days later**

* * *

They had packed everything in the car to leave as Gabby and Matt sat down in the car. Today they were driving to Kansas City to see his mom and spend two days there.

Spencer was still deep a asleep on the backseat and Gabby smiled as she made sure he was not too hot, as it was a warm summers day.

Matt started driving and he knew it was going to be a long drive, and as he had not driven this far since he had gotten sick he was not sure how long he could keep driving, but they would have to see about that.

They were driving for a while, Matt and Gabby having breakfast in the car as they made their way. It seemed to take forever to even get out of the city and honestly matt wished he could sleep just like Spencer, especially since his side where the surgery had been began to throb. Even after all these months it was still so sore and he hated that, he just wanted to do well for Gabby and Spencer and especially also since he hopes to start working again soon, as he did not want Gabby to have to do everything for their family.

After about two hours, it was really starting to throb in his side, by the surgery scar and as he saw a rest stop, he hoped that they could stop soon.

''Can you take over in a bit?'' Matt asked then and Gabby nodded. He stopped at the next rest stop.

''You okay?'' Gabby asked worried as he got up from the driver seat.

''Sides are getting really sore from driving.'' He admitted and she nodded understanding.

''Want to stop for a minute? For a coffee?''

''Yeah, that would be good.'' Matt admitted and they made their way into the restaurant and while Matt sat down with Spencer at one of the boots, the boy asleep in the car seat.

He was waking up now and Mat took him out and sat him down on his lap. Laughing Spencer tried to reach for the sugar jar close by and Matt moved it back a bit.

''Destroying. the Casey way.'' Gabby laughed.

''How is it that he got all the bad stuff from me?'' Matt laughed.

''Well, it is usually you that breaks stuff.'' Gabby laughed as she put the coffee down.

''Okay, yeah, you are right about that.'' He admitted, laughing at Spencer again and Matt moved his knees up and down, the boy laughing even harder. Gabby took him them and they enjoyed their coffee, afterwards Gabby sat down on the driver's side and they started driving again.

Spencer had had some fresh fruit during their stop and started to fall asleep again in the back.

''I wish I could sleep as much as him.'' Matt laughed, as he always looked so content when he fell asleep.

''So, I was thinking…I know you always wanted a big family…and I want a big family, and maybe we still can.'' Gabby smiled as she looked in the rear-view mirror at Spencer fast asleep.

''Gabby, there is no use.'' He mumbled.

''We have not even tried, you have not even talked to the doctor about it!'' Gabby said a bit upset now.

''You know how the chemo wrecked my body, there is no chance I can be the father and you know that.'' Matt said back. ''Plus, I am in no shape to take care of a second child, I can barely take care of myself and I still can't work!''

Spencer woke up now.

''Well just say if you don't want to have another baby with me!'' Gabby said back now, also upset.

Spencer started to cry in the back and even though Matt wanted to get mad as well, he stopped now. Leaning backwards and putting the pacifier back in his mouth again he was silent again.

Matt looked at Gabby for a second, but he didn't really know what to say.

''I want another baby with you, but now is not the right time.'' Matt admitted then.

''But you were just cleared again.''

''I did everything I could to stay with you and Spencer and yeah, I have been cleared for another 3 months but that does not mean my scan is going to be good in 3 months, and honestly, I am still scared for the future. And you know that you also made the call that I should start my treatment.''

''Don't throw that all on me now, we had to do it but you haven't even talked to your doctor about the possibilities.'' Gabby said a bit more upset again now, but silent then as she did not want to wake Spencer again.

''You know what Gabby, let's just not talk about it now.'' He said a bit more angry and he looked out of the window now. It was still two hours to Kansas City but none of them said anything until they arrived.

They parked near his mom and got out of the car, both of them still not saying anything. Gabby was so mad because he had not even talked to his doctor yet, or he did not even seem to want to try. She knew that he was taking it hard that his recovery took so long and that it seemed he was so nervous about the scans coming up every three months, but she really hoped that they could keep living their life after everything that they had went through.

Matt looked aside at Gabby, not liking to be at odds with each other especially about something this important but he was really unsure about having a baby now, he was still recovering and it took so long, he had barely any energy and he already struggled with taking care of Spencer. He was so scared that even though he was in remission, a scan could always take that away and that he would have to leave Gabby, Spencer and maybe even another baby, and he knew that he could probably not be the dad anyway.

Silent they stood by the door, Gabby letting them in then and they both acted like nothing was going on, up until Gabby said she was going to walk with Spencer after a while so Nancy and Matt could catch up.

''I would love to come with you-''

''No you and Matt should catch up.'' Gabby interrupted Nancy, walking out with Spencer now. Looking as Matt as the door closed, she saw that look on her sons face that she could recognize from a mile away, something was bothering him.

''Is something wrong again? You said that the scans came back clear.'' She asked worried, so scared that her son's cancer was back and he was here to tell her.

''It's not about my health. Its fine mum.'' He just said, not really wanting to talk about it.

''Something wrong between you and Gabby?'' Nancy asked worried.

''Nah, nah mom, its fine.'' He assured her.

''I know something is wrong.''

''We had a bit of a discussion today.'' He admitted then. ''She wants to try for a second baby.''

''What is the problem?'' She asked a bit concerned, not liking to see her son and his wife like this, as they seemed to be doing so well before.

''I – I won't be able to have another baby with her because of the chemo, and I don't think I am ready for a second one, I feel so bad most of the time.'' he admitted. ''I can't work and it is hard to look after myself and Spencer, let alone another baby.''

''That is going to be hard, because you and Gabby are the only ones that can get through this by talking.'' Nancy said, feeling really bad, she had looked forward to this visit, but he knew that this was something Gabby and Matt had to work out first.

''I just don't know anymore mom.'' He admitted.

''Come on.'' She said and she and Matt walked outside, saw Gabby sitting on a bench close by and took Spencer back inside, Matt sitting down beside her.

''We need to talk.'' He said and she nodded, but both of them not saying anything for a while then.

''Come on, let's talk.'' Matt said then, really not wanting to be at odds with her.

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading and I Hope you liked it. Next chapter hopefully Matt and Gabby can make up and enjoy their time in Kansas City. Please let me know that you thought! Thanks so much again and hopefully till next chapter!**


	41. A tiny step

**Hello everybody. This is my first update in a long time, but the last few weeks and months have been very hard. I still don't know if I can keep updating regularly, but I am going to try. I do hope you are still interested in this story.** **Please enjoy the read.**

* * *

They were sitting next to each other on the bench.

Slowly Matt started then.

''I am sorry I can't tell you now when I want a second baby, I just have to see when I can go start a job again, and what I can do, and how taking care with Spencer will keep going. I know it is going well for now, but I am already struggling with looking after him alone, and I am not ready for a big family.''

''I know, I know. But it would still be a long time away.'' Gabby said then.

''But you know I probably won't be able to be the dad.''

''I am just upset that you won't even try, you have not even spoken to you doctor about it, and maybe there is a way that we can still have a baby together, and if not there is still a lot more ways that we can still have a big family.'' She explained and he nodded.

''You have a point with that, and I will try to talk to my doctor, and have him test my fertility so that we know, okay?'' He admitted and she nodded. ''I know you are right saying that I should at least try first…just, can it wait a bit longer?''

Gabby nodded a bit as well.

''I just want you to be happy and heal well.'' She said then. ''And sorry when I am pushy in that, you know I have always wanted a large family, and when we got married it was really what I had dreamed off, and all I wanted was a big family with you, and I know that you never planned for it, but it's just a bit hard to say goodbye to all those expectations.''

''Hey, I had expected we would work together in the firehouse forever, and that is nog happening, so I know what you mean, and I am really glad that you are talking to me about it, because it has not been easy for the both of us, and all we have been doing was survive, and we barely even talked, and focused on the family.'' He said understanding and she nodded.

''Maybe, maybe I wanted to push it so much to have more children to have that big family before it all goes south again.'' She admitted and Matt just looked down then. He was still so scared that it was really going to come back.

''I know, but if it does bad, imagine having to worry about a big family too.''

The last few months had them trying to make time for each other when Matt wasn't too tired, and taking care of Spencer and while Matt still had a lot of therapy, she worked in the firehouse to make sure that they still had money to pay for everything.

''I think you are right, maybe we just need some time.'' Gabby admitted then, knew that it was maybe too early for him to promise anything now, and maybe he was right because his health was so uncertain.

''I always wanted a large family, and you know that. I still want one, but the problem is that I am not capable of taking care of another child now, and I am not sure if I will be.''

She nodded slowly. She knew that both of them always drove into a confrontation early on, but now that they were talking more calmly.

''I get what you mean, but you have been recovering really well.''

''Yeah, but after 6 months I am worried that this is how it is going to stay. ''

''Well even then, we will work it out.'' She promised him and took his hand.

''Let's just take some time, okay.'' He said and she nodded. ''Because I am scared too that it is going to come back.''

She kissed him on his cheek, knew that he had a point. Even though both of them looked at it in a different way, it was something they needed to work on, and try to get used to how things were.

They walked back to his mom's apartment and looked as she was sitting on the couch with Spencer, rocking her on his knees while he was smiling.

They went out to the city centre then, walking around and coming back home so Matt could take a nap before dinner.

''He seems so tired all the time.'' Nancy sighed, hated seeing her son like this. Even though they are all glad to just have him, it was hard to see him like this.

''I know, it is hard.

''He is getting better, it just takes longer than expected, and that is really annoying him.''

Nancy nodded understanding.

Soon Matt woke up again and they got ready to go to the restaurant.

They made their way to the restaurant and got seated at the table. Spencer was in a high chair and looking around, Matt making him laugh then by waving his napkin.

They ordered their food and it came to the table very soon, enjoying dinner and laughing as Spencer at a tiny bit of Gabby's mashed vegetables and messed it all up.

They walked home to Nancy's house and after sharing one more drink, they went to go to bed then.

''It was such a great day, Nancy, thank you so much.'' Gabby smiled as well and they got ready for bed in the guest room then. Spencer was asleep as soon as Gabby put him down in bed and she laid down in bed right next to Matt.

The small light was still on and she laid her hand on his jaw and kissed him.

''I am sorry for starting that discussion in the car.''

''I am sorry too, I did not make it much better.'' He said softly as they did not want to wake up Spencer, sharing another kiss.

''I am sure you find something suitable to work again soon, I am sure that will make you feel better.'' Gabby said softly then, knew it was one of the biggest reasons that he was getting so annoyed.

''That would be really good…but we will work it out, I am sure.'' He smiled at her, glad that today had still ended positively with the nice dinner.

They laid in each other's arms, thinking about what they had talked about today, and about their future. There was a lot more they had to talk about, but even though they were still struggling now, they knew they would come out stronger, as they always had.

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading and I Hope you liked it. Please let me know that you thought! Thanks so much again and hopefully till next chapter!**


	42. Struggles

It was another silent dinner between them. Even though Gabby kept trying to talk to Matt, she was not sure he even wanted to talk.

The last weeks she had tried to talk about what was bothering him, but when she tried to get to that, he usually just blocked her off and tried to talk about something else.

It was not like they were on bad terms, they were still together, and leading daily life, but Gabby knew that there was more wrong than he was talking about and she wished he would just talk.

Matt got up and put the plates away as she was still sitting down, looking as he did so. He made his way to the bedroom and came walking out in his running clothes. They were still a bit too big on him, even though she tried to get him to gain weight.

''I am going for a run.'' He said then and she nodded.

''Don't overdo it.''

''Gabby, I can barely make it to the park without panting, how do you think I am going to overdo it?'' He said a bit annoyed as he plugged his headphones in. he really wanted to get back to his old form, but even with physical therapy he could barely walk up the stairs without being exhausted.

''I am just worried because you are going to work again tomorrow as well.'' She admitted.

''It is fine!'' He said a bit angry now before walking out.

Shocked by how he had just yelled at her, she sat down on the couch, taking Spencer on her lap from the playpen.

She sat with him for a while, Spencer falling asleep on her lap and she smiled, just glad that he was doing well.

The front door opened and closed and she heard Matt making his way to the shower. Even though she knew that they could get through this, it upset her that even now everything seemed to get better, it was still hard that they were falling apart now.

They had gotten married, and then so much had changed and now it was still not how they expected it to be. She got up and walked to the bedroom as well, Matt still in the shower and she sat down on the bed.

As Matt came walking from the shower, she looked as he grabbed some clothes.

''I really don't like how you yelled at me before you went on that run.'' She told him.

''I really don't like how you feel I can't do anything. I know I am not all better yet but I am not going to be that sick man forever!'' He said a bit angry again.

''Matt, are you sure you are ready for that job tomorrow.''

''Well, what do you want me to do Gabby, keep sitting around on my ass all day!?'' He said upset. ''I am sick and tired of sitting at home.''

''I know that, but I worry about you.''

''Maybe don't Gabby. I know you mean it well but I am trying to get my life back but all I am getting is hearing I can't do stuff because of that stupid cancer!''

''You know I don't mean it like that.'' She said as she felt a bit bad, knew she constantly kept worrying about him.

''Well that is how it feels.''

Spencer started to cry and Gabby walked to the nursery, lifting Spencer in her arms as she walked back to the bedroom she and Matt shared. He was still sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at the ground.

''I will go make his bottle.'' He said then, looking up and brushing past her as he walked to the kitchen. She sat down on the bed again, holding Spencer close. He was still fidgety as he was hungry and she wondered if he had heard them shout and that was also why he was upset.

Matt came walking back with the bottle and handed it to her.

''I am sorry Matt, I just.. I just hoped stuff would be like how it was before, that you would be okay.

''Maybe I am not, and maybe I won't be.'' Matt just said. ''Maybe I was just really damn naïve thinking that everything would be okay again as soon as I got a good scan, but is not, I am still scared and I still can't enjoy being married to you, or being a dad.''

''Matt…''

''It feels like I constantly just get an extension of 3 months but I really don't feel comfortable enjoying life again because I am so scared it will come back.'' He admitted.

''Do you want to talk about it?''

''No. Not really.'' He shrugged. ''I am going to watch tv.''

He just kissed her on her cheek, shortly as he got up and walked to the living room.

Gabbyput Spencer back to bed and pulled the blanket over herself, laying on her side and trying to fall asleep. But even after an hour she was still awake and slowly she got up, walking to the living room. The TV was still on, but Matt was asleep on the couch. She grabbed one of the blankets on the armrest and draped it over him.

He woke up just slightly and looked at Gabby.

''Fell asleep In front of the tv.'' He yawned.

''Can you please come to bed?'' She asked worried. ''I – I think we really need to talk.''

He nodded and got up, walking after her.

''I really hate how stuff is getting between us and I don't want it to be like this.'' She said worried as they sat down on the bed.

''I am scared Gabby, I am scared and the last thing I want is getting my hopes up again and leave you with a big family when it all goes south again.'' He admitted angry, but not angry with her, with himself and with his own body.

She nodded just a slight bit and laid her arms around him then as she saw his lip was starting to shake. He started to sob now and she pulled him closer.

''I am so scared that with these three months…someday it will be back and I have to put you and Spencer through all of this again. '' He sobbed, his face in her neck and she caressed him over his back. Finally, she let go of him against and caressed her hands over his cheeks, wiping the tears away.

''I know Matt, I am scared too but you fought so hard to get here, and now it is time to live your life again, to live our lives again. I know it won't be easy, but the last thing I want is losing the man I married and love so much…and with that I don't mean if you get sick again, but that you won't even talk to me anymore.'' She said softly and he nodded.

Holding each other close, Matt knew that he had to talk more with Gabby. It was just that he did not really know how to feel himself and having to talk to Gabby about it was hard, because the last thing he wanted to upset her.

''I am just really scared and I don't know what to do with myself anymore.'' He admitted. ''I hate that I feel I am not doing anything useful.''

''But you are, you are doing really well taking care of Spencer and being a husband to me.''

''But that is not enough for me Gabby, I worked 3 jobs for a while, I was a fireman, contractor and alderman. Now I am just sitting around and waiting for the next scan.''

Gabby nodded and Matt really hoped that he understood as he did not mean anything bad with what he said.

''Let's be honest here, I am not even a very good husband to you either.'' He mumbled as he looked down.

''Matt, you are always enough for me. I know you are struggling but I also know that you are trying your best.''

''Well my best is not good enough right now Gabby, you just said it yourself that all I do is care for you and Spencer and even that I don't do that well.''

''I love you…and I think you are doing your best.''

''I love you too.'' He said then.

''Do you think we can get through this?'' She asked a bit scared.

''Yeah, I promise.'' He nodded then.

They had to talk, so much was still there to be talked about, but they had to get through this, together.

* * *

So here is a new chapter, sorry it took me so long to update again. Just trying to balance some personal problems with a new job, but still trying to keep writing and updating! Thanks so much for reading and please let me know what you thought!


	43. The Cabin

**Here is the next chapter of the story. I hope you really like this chapter and please let me know what you think by leaving a review!**

* * *

The cabin was so cold when they arrived.

While Matt was putting their bags away, she lit the fireplace.

Spencer was with Antonio for a few days, while they had a few days together here. At first Gabby had not wanted to take another shift off, or be away from Spencer for a few days, but she knew this was what she and Matt needed. Badly.

Even though they had tried to talk a bit more the last few days, it had been interrupted a lot by daily life, and Spencer.

They had brought Spencer to Antonio earlier this morning and drove straight here, just doing some grocery shopping on the way, not planning on leaving the cabin this weekend. It was only for 2 days, but they would have some time away from daily hectic life, and hoping that they could finally talk again a bit more openly.

As the fireplace was going, she walked to the bedroom. Matt was putting some stuff away and she made the bed.

''Long time ago since we were here.'' She smiled, glad to be here with him again.

''Yeah it has been a while.'' He nodded. ''I mean, I wish we could have gone here with Spencer already.''

''But it was too cold.'' She and he nodded. He knew that they could not go here because of him, because his health still wasn't optimal and Gabby was so scared about him getting sick again.

''Are you feeling okay after driving?''

''Yeah, I can still drive.'' He mumbled as he put his bag under the cabinet.

''Ofcourse, I just…I just wanted to check.''

''I know. Sorry.''

''I know you hate it when people think you can't do stuff. I tis just that you are my husband, and I care about you…and I worry to much.''

''It is okay. I shouldn't be so snappy when you ask something out of care.'' He said. They gave each other a small smile, glad they finally talked a bit more, without going off at each other.

They knew that they had a long time to go, but if they grew closer this weekend they hoped that they could continue it when they got back to daily life.

After having lunch, Matt walked outside as she wanted to go grab one of the books he had taken.

She looked as he stood against the railing, looking over the lake.

It reminded her of when they had been in Mexico, and he had been overlooking the pool from the balcony. He looked very different now though.

She got up and walked outside, standing beside him. It was a bit cold outside, but with the pretty sight, she got why he was standing here.

''Are you okay?'' She asked a bit concerned as he was very silent.

''I hadn't expected to ever come back here.'' He admitted.

''But you always said you were going to be better-''

''But I never was sure, and I always thought I was never going to come back here.'' He told her, finally looking at her again. ''I could imagine you and Spencer being happy here, but I didn't think I was going to be here to see it.''

''Oh Matt.'' She said sad, sad to hear that he was so sure he wasn't going to make it. Now he was in the clear for now, but he still didn't seem happy and she really hoped that she could change that, but she was not sure how she could do it.

''You want to go for a walk?'' He asked then.

''Yeah, that sounds good.''

He took her hand as they walked from the deck onto the trail to the woods. He wrapped his arm around her as they walked. It was still a bit cold outside, but it was nice to be outside.

After the walk Matt wanted to go take a shower, a bit cold from the walk and Gabby was brushing her hair by the bathroom mirror as he got in the shower.

''Together?'' He invited him with her and she nodded, joining him in the shower and kissing him.

Even though they tried to be more intimate at home again as well, they barely had the time with her demanding job and taking care of Spencer, as well as Matt pushing her away.

She kissed him again and carefully he laid his hands on her body. She laid her head against him, holding him tight as the water poured over him and backing off a bit again, she looked at the lines on his chest. The scars were slowly fading and she knew that hopefully in time, it would be a part of the past.

After their hot shower they dried off and Matt made sure the fireplace was going again.

They sat by the fire and slowly came a bit closer.

He wrapped his arm around her and she laid down against his side.

''I miss Spencer.'' She admitted then. ''Already.''

''I am sure he is a boxing champion when we get him back.'' Matt joked and she chuckled.

''Yeah, but you know, if we had left him with Kelly he would be riding a motorbike by now.''

They both laughed and he wrapped his arms around her a bit tighter, just happy to laugh again.

''I am really happy with you and Spencer.'' She said then.

''Me too. I know I am not always the best.''

''Matt, knock it off, you are doing great.''

He nodded a bit then. He wanted to object but maybe he had to trust her that if she said he was good enough, that he was.

''We are a good family.'' She assured him.

''I am really sad now that we did not take the time go through the fertility treatment before the chemo.'' He admitted. ''I know you want a big family, but I am still sad that we can't have another child of us together.''

''It was necessary Matt. Your health is always more important.'' She said then.

''I know…I know that I couldn't wait. But then I thought about how I could die before we would even talk about having a bigger family. And now I regret it.''

She caressed his hand, not sure what to say.

''I just really needed you get better, so I know it was a hard choice, and we will never know if the choice was right, but I have you with me here, and that is all that matters.''

''I know, and even though I am still worried about the future, I want to enjoy life with you and Spencer again.''

''It will be fine Matt. It has only been months, and it is not nothing what you and we went through but I know we can do this.'' She promised him.

''What if I get sick again, I really don't want to do that to you and Spencer.''

''You are clean and getting better now, so there is nothing we can do about it.'' She said softly. ''I know it is hard and I am scared too, but now that you are clean, we need to enjoy life again. It might as well that you stay clean for the next few years and you are officially cleared then.''

He nodded a bit and kissed her on her head.

''I am really glad we get this time together. I think we really needed that.''

''Me too.'' She said as she laid head down against his chest.

''it sure has been an insane first year of marriage.'' He mumbled softly.

''I wouldn't have done it any other way. I mean, whatever happened, we got through it and we will get through it. And I am just glad I still have you with me every day. I was so scared when you had the surgery.'' She admitted. ''It was really hard to see you getting sicker and sicker through the chemo.''

''I wish I could have done more for you at the time too. I felt so helpless that I could not help you while you were pregnant.''

''I think I managed just fine.'' She laughed. ''But I was so proud of you when you came to me right after the delivery. It must have been though for you but it was so good after all that had happened.''

''I never have been more proud.''

They held each other close.

''I promise I will try to coddle you less. I know you are getting better and I should give you support instead of too much care.'' She promised him.

''And I will try to be more open to you. I love you Gabby, and I don't want to lose you.''

It didn't mean it was all going to be smooth sailing, but both of them believed that it was going to be easier from now on now that they were positive again about everything.


End file.
